I am very slowly recovering from PTSD, it is still wearing me down. Now I want to write from the centre of PTSD, I do not care if it makes complete sense.
For me, I make the choice to write about PTSD for it the hidden side of prostitution.
I do not write from academic research, I do not write for easy answers, I do not write seeking happy endings.
No, what I want to write is that there may not be happy endings for many exited prostituted women, not in the sense that trauma will disappear.
Many exited prostituted women live inside trauma as a shadow that is inside them. Trauma that remembers all the tortures, all the rapes, all the being made into porn, all the hateful language, all the real meaning of being owned body and soul.
Trauma is the remainder that being prostituted is being made into a slave, and the majority of people refuse to acknowledge that or think it was your choice.
Trauma is the gnarling in your belly saying that prostitutes will not get full justice.
No justice for every piece of violent done to their body, no justice if they get diseases or injuries that destroy their future, no justice for rape, no justice for women and girls that they have known who have disappeared.
How can there be real justice, when any harm done to prostituted women and girls is just seen as the risk of the job, just part of their nature so they should put up with it.
Hell, where is the justice when any and all men think they have the right to used prostituted women and girls.
Where is the justice when police buy prostituted women and girls; where is the justice when all male politicians want access to prostitutes be they leftists, liberals or right-wing; where is the justice when male doctors will see you a whore and ignore the bruises, marks on your body and obvious forced sex. Whilst males have the right to buy prostitutes, there is no faith in justice for many prostituted women and girls.
Prostitutes learn to just get on with getting on, never expecting help or support when injured, when violently raped, when leaving after long period of a johns/johns sexually torturing and making the prostitute into his porn-toy, when leaving after being kidnapped and imprisoned.
The prostitute learn without being told that all that is of no importance, it is easier made invisible – coz she is made to feel over and over and over that she is just a whore – and no-one gives a damned what happens to whores.
For exited prostituted women, that is the depths of their trauma, that she will sent over and over and over into deep shock and pain as she knows the multiple ways her body was injured – ripped at, penetrated in holes too small, penetrated by many penises or objects, had her mouth or throat wrecked by over and over and over having penises or objects till she forget to remember to breathe.
Trauma is losing words for rape. Rape is too often, too mundane for the prostitute to have words for her pain, her confusion and deep down her rage. Trauma is knowing that the prostitute is raped until she loses count – it not an one-off event, but just what the sex trade has made her into.
Trauma is knowing that all she was a porn-toy. For her, there is no separation of porn and prostitution – it is all pain, all humiliation, all being made sub-human. Trauma is increased by others separating porn and prostitution, trying to find ways to state they are harm-free.
Do that and you silenced exited prostituted women – you make their tortures, their rapes and their being sub-human of no importance.
Trauma is increased every time others speak of prostitution being empowering, being just another dirty job, call it sex work, make it out to be free choice – and those leftist and liberal way of justifying the hate and contempt of the sex trade.
Do that and you make exited prostituted women want to disappear – as their experiences and truth appear inconvenient to the left and liberals – who many exited prostituted women hoped beyond hope would listen and hear them.
Instead exited prostituted women are made to speak to empty spaces.
If you truly desire to make real change for prostituted women and girls – you must see, hear and face the depth of trauma they have to live with.
It is not good to just do practical stuff such as taking prostituted women off drugs, or getting them a place to live well away from the pimps or managers wrecking their lives, hearing about abuse before prostitution, seeing it just as an economic problems.
To make the exited prostituted woman truly free – she must be able to voice how being raped on industrial scale, puts her in a place where the language of rape has little or no meaning.
Her language will includes the terrifying ordinariness of such raping – how she may only remember the worse sexual torturing, for just being penetrated or even anal rape, was too common to remember.
Most rapes for exited prostituted woman is an empty space, that leave sickness and terror in her body – but no remembrance of which man it was, where it happened, or what age she was.
No, rape for the exited prostituted is just a terrifying mass of pain, confusion and rage. There are no faces, no single man to hate or get justice from - just johns beyond counting.
If you to give prostitutes real justice – do not run away from their trauma.
Without knowing that trauma – you can never give prostitutes true justice.