You are Not Just an Individual

I wish to write this to the constant flow of women who go on and on about how happy they are doing prostitution, for I am so sick of your selfish attitude.

Any woman or girl who is paid for sex, including myself, is part of a system designed on the destruction of the vast majority of its goods. That is to say the foundation of the sex trade is the rape, torture and mental destruction of an underclass named prostitute.

The vast majority of the prostituted are women and girls.

I would never deny that there women in the sex trade who have a good time – but they need see beyond their own experiences, and know they are giving permission for the sexual trade to continue violence and degradation as the norm.

I wonder if it so wonderful working as an escort or in high-class prostitution, why there is so much awareness of keeping women safe.

There are bad clients lists, there are drivers/bouncers in other rooms in case of violence, there are alarms, there are cameras and other forms of in-house security.

Could it be that any john at any time can rape, can batter, can murder any prostitute anywhere. No matter what the prostitute label is – be  working on the streets, be in a hotel room, be inside a brothel.

A prostitute is always in danger that a john will turn her into dirt. A prostitute is always there for his porn fantasy, she can never be a real human to him.

If men choose to treat the prostitute with some appearance of respect or even some dignity – he will still be in complete control.

A lot of porn fantasy is showing johns as manipulated and submissive to the prostitute – this is never fully true. For in the end, he owns her and if he chooses to attack her, she has little or no protection.

For the women who continually say they have had no bad experiences with johns – well yippee for you, but that is not the norm in prostitution.

Also, to survive prostitution is vital to lessen the violence and degradation in order to survive.

When you are treated continually as an object to be masturbated into and used as a porn-toy, it completely normal to say it just fine and it your choice.

It may be rape to others, others may see battering, others may named it as sexual torture – but it just your job, and you may say you enjoy it.

I know I said often enough that it was just fun, that I begun to believe I enjoy the hell I was in.

It was not until several years after exiting and completely leaving that life behind, I got PTSD and saw I had been tortured.

I am told that I was just unlucky, got bad clients, worked in isolation, that if was so bad I should be dead.

Well if I just unlucky, then so are the vast majority of prostituted women and girls in the world.

I know of no form of prostitution, where the majority of the prostituted will lucky to escape violence, escape being made into a fuck-toy.

Many are so unlucky they do escape for they lose their lives.

You are part of a system that allows prostituted women and girls to be thrown away on a mass scale. To be fucked until they aged prematurely and then are placed on the trash-heap.

The vast majority of prostituted women and girls live with the constant fear of STD’s and pregnancy – many have multiple abortions.

These are just considered to be hazards of the job.

I am told that condoms are the solutions. Condoms are vital – but can be impossible for many prostituted women and girls to get johns to use.

Tell me how you would persuade a sadistic john to wear a condom. Would you want to lose your life, or be sexually tortured just to get that condom on.

Tell me how does wearing a condom protect the woman or girl from all the non-penetrative sexual violence johns want to do. Does it help when deep-throated till you forget how to breathe. Does it stop the agony of anal rape. Does it stop a john strangling you.

Condoms are vital – but it also there so the john is safe – and ignores the prostitute’s safety from his violence and hate.

Most violence that happens to prostitutes in indoors prostitution is not in isolation. Usually there are managers or other profiteers who supply sadistic sex on demand.

They will place the prostitute in the room with johns who have paid for the right to sexually torture her.

Why would the profiteers intervene as she is raped and tortured, it a joke to imagine they even care..

I was raped in rooms where next door to other prostitutes were being raped. Outside our doors, sat the manager or his cronies.

They were not there for our protection, but to collect the money, and to tell the men if there time was up. They were there to stop us from complaining or leaving – they would tell us lies of how it just a mistake it so violent, he just a bad client, lies that they cared about our welfare.

To survive prostitution, I had to believe I was protected. I had blame myself for being “stupid enough” to get in the way of violence and hate over and over and over.

Christ, I was so unlucky.

Or I was forced to be a fuck-object with no rights and no hope.

I believe that many women who seemed happy in prostitution are surviving by refusing not knowing the violence and hate that surrounds them.

Many exited women are shocked by how often they were  raped and they made it nothing, how often they were on the edge of death and they had to forget or make it a joke, how often they got used to pain and humiliation and made it was that it was who they really were.

The shock of knowing the reality of prostitution is terrible – I cannot see how to survive prostitution by knowing it fully.

That is why PTSD is so common and extreme with exited prostituted women.

I never understand why if women make the choice to view prostitution as empowering or liberating, that blinds them to horrific conditions of the majority of prostituted women and girls.

Sure, I see prostitution must a turn-on for you, and when anyone is thinking with a wanking brain, selfishness is all that matters.

I want sex for me, and that’s all that matters. No matter that the sex trade is mass raping and torturing women and girls on a genocidal level. I’m happy.

Do you feel the same about factory farming, or other forms of forced labour. Would you turn away from racism or homophobia. Would you turn your back on an incest or non-prostituted rape victim.

But you would be part of the sex trade that destroying on a scale that is almost impossible to believe.

I really don’t give a damned about your sex life – other people’s sex lives when happy are boring to others.

But if you get paid and go round promoting the happy hooker image – you are betraying the vast majority of the prostituted.

You are a recruiter for the sex trade – so I will lose sympathy for you.

This post is muddled and angry. But I am bored of the sex-positive attitude.

16 responses to “You are Not Just an Individual

  1. This post is not muddled at all, Rebecca. It is crystal clear, just as all of your writing is. You have a way of pin-pointing the truth and getting the words to say exactly what you need to say. Brilliant.

    Any woman or girl who is paid for sex, including myself, is part of a system designed on the destruction of the vast majority of its goods. That is to say the foundation of the sex trade is the rape, torture and mental destruction of an underclass named prostitute.

    Absolutely.

    Sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I have had a lot going on. I hope you are well. I am heartened to see/hear that your voice is still strong, loud and brave.

    *hugs*

  2. Angry? Righteously so. But muddled? I do not see it. I see courage and clarity, bravery and brilliance. I’d seen your gracious responses to “sex-positive” prostituted women, and wondered what that level of generosity had cost you … I do hope not much, other than this gorgeous gathering of anger stated righteously, and still carefully, still generous. Thank you.

  3. people are so wrapped up in their individual rights to choose to do this and that, that they completely forget about SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY.

  4. Testify! about time someone called it. The self satisfied privilege of “It works great for me” and therefore they will try mightily to shut up all those who speak up about the violence, abuse and coercion in this institution as it is lived by millions who never had a choice about it.

  5. “For the women who continually say they have had no bad experiences with johns – well yippee for you, but that is not the norm in prostitution.

    Also, to survive prostitution is vital to lessen the violence and degradation in order to survive.

    When you are treated continually as an object to be masturbated into and used as a porn-toy, it completely normal to say it just fine and it your choice.”
    Thank you@!

  6. Hi Rebecca, I discovered your blog, after Cath Elliot told me about this lovely Feminism in London organisation (when I think I missed it while living in London and felt so isolated and bad there..).
    It is good to read what you are writing.
    I just know a lesbian separatist, she is so nice and smart, a great thinker, a kind of genius in fact, she looks strong (although still very fragile) and brillant but she was terribly abused from the age of 5 by her father after having lived 5 normal and lovely years with a foster mother who died and shamefully after being placed back in her biological family, she has almost died from the rapes, she complained to her grandmother at only 5 and the family got rid of her and abandoned her but then she has been raped again by boys in foster families and she complained each time but nobody wanted to believe her, she has even been tortured by isolation in prison cell in a state foster home while a teen, and once as a young adult, she lost her girlfriend and her room and ended up in the street, so poor and so much in despair that she wanted to commit suicide and fell in drug, alcohol and prostitution for a couple of years, although she is only lesbian and hates men on every level and although she loves life, you know, it has nothing to do with that..
    Thanks the nightmare is finished since long, well partly finished because she is still very poor and isolated, she has caught a disease from the attacks, she is not helped by the system, and she is rejected by most of the other lesbians, even the political ones you know, they are afraid of this image in the mirror, what could have awaited them if they had not been so lucky..
    My friend was not coming from a middle-class family, but from a poor class, but being abused makes you fall even under and under..
    I really love her.
    Also I am happy to read that you too speak out the truth, like my friend always did and I wish you to heal and always find the respect and the love you deserved to have long time ago.
    I am very happy to see clearly my privileges now and to understand how important it is to always be supportive of child abuse + prostitution victims, who seldom survive in fact, it takes a strong personality to survive and live again, most die of that, if not really then in their head.
    I would really like to kill all rapists and abusers. It is a shame this happens again and again, to billions of little girls and women in the world and at that precise moment. If it is men the problem (my friend thinks that), then I would like to get rid of them.

  7. Well said Rebecca!

    You have my utmost respect and regard for being so vocal. I will stand with you on this one. I believe you have a clear view of this world. If anyone doubts you they can simply go to the internet and google various sex acts. What they see may shock them. The level of degradation that some men need seems to know no end. This should be termed a hate crime not legalized.

    Jonina

  8. By “the constant flow of women” I can assume I am not the only one you keep deleting from the comments section.

    We are all individuals. Your experience is nothing like mine. Having people tell us to shut up at every turn and ignore everything we say is hardly helpful to anyone. Silencing us is an oppressive tactic. We do care about each other and that is why we want decriminalization so that women who are afraid to report incidents won’t have to worry about being charged themselves. The abolishionists are hurting sexworkers. You can’t get rid of the profession.

    I want this job. I choose this job. I work with large networks of other sexworkers. We are changing the laws by knocking them down. We advocate for each other and care about each other and we won’t be silenced by you or anyone else anymore.

    You can delete me now……AGAIN.

  9. I guess there is no criminalization of women in abolition but criminalization of clients and pimps.. So what you say is all bullshit. Being prostituted is not a profession unless being tortured at that point could be viewed as a profession but everything is possible in the fachist society where we live. Time a single woman or a girl (or a boy) would be deprived of her safety, her private and sexual intimacy, her freedom, her money, chooling and means to live, her harmonious development as a human being by the sex industry helped in that by abusive parents and abusive society, yes, there will be not only Rebecca but a lot of women who want to silence you, Dani and who will never want to consider the abuse as a profession and make any single exception, who will never believe bullshit, who will never hold it as acceptable to even support the idea that prostitution can be a job.
    If you like sex with strangers, who is blocking you? If you want money, then work in a real profession and if there is no job or if the jobs are not so interesting, then know that a lot of women and dykes suffer as well and are poor, but to the opposite of you, they are fighting to change this society.

  10. It is difficult to take a real break from this bog, darn it.

    Dani – I am not silencing you or any other sex worker, it just my blog and therefore I am allow to filter out comments that I consider to promote the sex trade.
    I put exited women’s feelings before every other reader of this blog, and do not consider dismissing the degadation and violence as “sad stories” or bad luck, as most sex-positive women claim helpful.

    There are plenty of spaces for sex-positive writing – other feminist blogs, papers, most of the media, books, meetings etc. I see no evidence of silencing of the sex worker’s voices – for it suit the sex trade to promote itself widely and in every form of media.

  11. Having a comment on a blog deleted is not ‘silencing’. It means the person whose blog it is chooses not to promote or public your comment. If I send my manuscript to a publisher and they refuse to accept it, they are not ‘silencing’ me, they are just choosing not to publish me. You can say it elsewhere, shout in the street if no blogger will publish it, or even, hey!, create your own blog and say it.

    Silencing is very different. Silencing is coercion, violence, threats, abuse. Silencing kills the soul, and even sometimes the whole person. Silencing is deadly, calculated, and cruel.

  12. And ‘individual’ – don’t make me laugh. If we were all total ‘individuals’ as in the thirdwave/conservative fantasy, nothing anyone did would affect anyone else. IT DOES.

    Calling someone who has been brutally raped and tortured an ‘individual’ suggests that their ‘experiences’ (to use another appalling sexpos code-word)are nothing to do with anyone else, are no-one else’s responsibility, and are on no-one’s conscience.

    Funny how there are so many ‘individuals’ in prostitution whose ‘experiences’ are so similar to Rebeccas, isn’t it? Wow, what a coincidence.

    If only these individuals would stop making life so unsexy!

  13. I think your blog is SO important. Your words ring so true and i Believe your voice is one for women everywhere. I’m so sick of finding so many women who are “sex positive” in that they believe all women can be empowered by the sex industry – this libertarian/individualistic outlook is so damaging to women as a class. Love your blog!

  14. I heard about this post through a friend of mine and I just want to say, as a former prostitute, that I am glad you are not going to adjust your view for the sake of some numbing, comfortable space that many pro exploitation folks engage in.

    The view you hold is accurate and true. If there was no money in prostitution, and let’s face it, once it’s ripped you up and spit you out there IS no money, then not one woman would do it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s