Said Over and Over and Over Again

I have writing this blog for so long, several years – and I feel I have say too much over and over and over and over again.

I am now mentally exhausted, and like many amazing exited women have come to wonder if we just communicating with a brick wall.

Yes, most who read me would named themselves as abolitionists – but do you truly hear and honour exited women.

Sometimes, well it is getting too often, I have to question if you are willing to hear exited women on more than a swallow level.

I am hurting bad – so my anger and grief is to the fore.

Please know those of you who truly listen and hear exited women, I have nothing but respect for you.

For those who truly listen and hear our multiple voices and experiences, will always be unafraid to make exited women leaders in the abolitionist movement.

To truly listen and hear our voices, is to put yourself second and to be willing to learn.

It is to known that you do not know what it is and was to be the prostituted class.

This is done by not constantly comparing other forms of male violence to being inside porn or prostitution.

Know is not like acquaintance rape, it not like rape in marriage, it is not like incest.

Know is not like being battered by your partner, it is not like name-called, it is not like being harassed at work.

It is not like being murdered by a man you should trust, it is not like being killed just coz you are the wrong sex.

Know being inside the sex trade is like all of those – but it is more and to honest it all those coming at you all the time.

Know there is more than those individual male acts of violence – know the whole point of the sex trade is all male violence is institutional.

Know to be a prostitute is to be made nothing, to be made an object that has no connection to be human.

Know it is not just rape, just battering, just murder – that the whole structure of the sex trade is built on centuries of torture.

It is torture – that is the only language that fits our realities.

It not rape or battering of the seen and human female – it is the cold torture of a sex object who is robbed of her humanity.

In the world of the sex trade – there can no harm done to the prostituted, for it just goods being used and thrown away – no harm when no human involved.

That is the cold world exited women come from.

We survived by making ourselves dead, by falling into sick humour, by refusing to feel or know our realities.

We survived by not allowing in severe pain, by learning never to grieve, by having a callous heart.

We survived by pretending never to care.

So it can hard to speak the language you want to hear.

We speak of multiple, life-threatening and death-wanting rapes with detachment, making jokes, with a frightening coldness.

We speak of near-murder as common and very ordinary – speaking of choking as objects forced into our throats, being thrown out of moving cars, getting strangled on regular basic, being gang-raped till death seems a friend.

We speak of prostituted women and girls going missing so often, too often - till we learn not to care, learn to think rather them than me, learn to obey even in deep danger in order not to disappear.

That was our world – well that is the surface of our world.

That is the world where we survived by learning to be silenced.

Now we speak out – the least you can do is shut up and listen to us hard.

21 responses to “Said Over and Over and Over Again

  1. Some are listening. Some are made aware, and even changed by your words. I have never commented before today, and I’m sorry if my silence has added to your frustration. I think my hesitation came from feeling I had absolutely nothing worthwhile to offer…so I just kept reading. You are an extraordinary person. Please don’t be discouraged. Your voice matters.

  2. “I am now mentally exhausted, and like many amazing exited women have come to wonder if we just communicating with a brick wall”.

    Not at all. So very sorry to have let you feel that way. Your voice IS being listened to (and every post read) My failure to respond in writing before this is for similar reasons to what Laura Ritchie has expressed. Sometimes I’ll even find myself writing a response and deleting it, because it just seems so trite after what I’ve read.

    But that means I haven’t ended up telling you how awed I am by you and for what you write, and I should have managed to say that somehow. I’m sorry. Yours is a voice that makes me want to shut up and listen. And I am listening to it, I promise. I absolutely do know that what you have to say is important, and apologies for the lack of response.

    Very best wishes for you.

  3. Listening to you hard. Hearing you hard. Supporting you hard. I’m 120% behind exited wo/men leading the abolitionist movement. It just makes sense, you guys have the insider knowledge of the sex industry which makes you the experts, and experts must be the leaders, The End. Anything less than that (with whatever excuse attached) is bullshit.

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  5. I may not be allowed to comment here, if so please ignore this. But I truly listen. I have a new friend that is a survivor of child prostitution and I see her humanity and her pain. She is incredibly strong and realises that I can be triggered by some of the stuff she tells me because I have a very gentle heart and because I was sexually abused. She tells me that I have assisted her through some rough times. I am aware of my privilege and listen with all my heart and mind to people that need to be listened to. I call out sexism when I witness it and am often shouted down, but I do it anyway because it is my duty as a man to make non feminist spaces feminist and to step aside for when the space is already established and my presence is not needed/wanted. I have nothing but respect and love for these people. Apologies again if I am breaching rules.

  6. Like some others I have not commented before now for fear of not being able to express in words what an inspiration you are, before reading any if your post or other blogs I was totally ignorant to what goes on, I like many others are blinded to this wirld and without your strength this underbelly of men can carry on, my views have dramatically changed since being educated my your blog. Wasn’t aware of the suffering, the criminalisation of prostituted women must stop. The abuse of women must stop and knowledge is key I think

  7. This crime is beyond what the human can imagine. Living in a true hell on earth. My heart pours out in compassion and care, I just dont know How to help Where it matters. This atrocity Has to stop. This evil cannot prevail! Please tell us how we can help that actually could make a difference.. my heart hurts for u, trully.

  8. I don’t know if I will ever be able to wrap my head around the horrific experiences you have lived through to talk about. Please keep writing. I am listening and hope I can begin to understand how I should be responding. Help me to to know how to help.

  9. Praying for you and all who have been exited and all who are awaiting rescue! May the God of love comfort you all! “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”Psalm 34:18

  10. OMG! You are awesome! Critical, insightful, articulate and so very true and right to speak in such an authentic manner. And, you are correct – you are communicating with a brick wall. However, cracks are beginning to appear and voices like yours, pounding with such intensity, do make a difference. Your story is now known and now so are you! You have claimed your voice – continue to use it! Over and over again! SISTERS! Don’t just pray for something to happen – be the answer to your prayer! Educate yourself, get involved, reach out – DO SOMETHING. Our sisters in bondage need us to listen and and act! If not you, who? Knowledge alone is not enough! Sweet Shaddai, incite us with your maternal compassion for all women who are in danger; that setting aside our need to save ourselves, we work with courage to bring about justice for all. Amen. (taken from Seasons of the Feminine Divine.)

  11. I listen to you because I have had experience with childhood sexual abuse. What is worse is never getting out of it and to give birth to children who are not your own to make decisions for and have them taken from you maybe to be tortured like you are being tortured. I listen with a broken heart and with anger. I want to make things better for you. I teach classes so many others will hear your cry and so women around the world may come together and really help. You are very brave. There are many more women who want to help and I pray for them, for you and for your children. You have self respect to reach out to the rest of the world. No one can take that away. God bless you. Judy

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