Today I felt so tired of the constant struggle I have in my life.
The straw that broke my back was coming home to having my Incapacity Benefit rejected. I did expect to happen, but the tight hold I keep on my trauma snapped.
I am glad that I have been able to do this blog, for I know I have no choice but to write. But, I never know how much the buried pain and emotions needed to surface.
I wish I could put my past back into the box I put it in, but it is released now.
What makes so worthwhile is the wonderful response I have had from the women that choose to read my blog. I really appreciate yout thoughtful and caring responses.
I am really flattered when others feel connections with my story.
To be honest that is what reminds that doing this blog is a good thing. If women who experenced male violence, especially if they have involved in the sex trade, I am deeply honoured if they can connect with my writing.
It is a very hard and often scary road seeing the reality of living inside prostitution. It must be done.
I hope that my writing can help give other women the courage to express their realities.
I feel it is important to say that it is painful to write, but the pain does mean that I will stop.
Rather, I have when I speak my truths I remember with pain and grief.
But as men pour their poison in me, I felt nothing at that time. I spent to much of my life living on the edge of death.
Now, I feel a lot of my pain is life forcing itself into me.
All I know I cannot close down my memories, so I choose to confront them.
I also know I am no longer alone.