Justify This

I have been reading “Challenging Men’s Demand for Prostitution in Scotland” which uses the punter’s word to justify their use of prostituted women and girls.

What struck me was the cold callousness of their words. And their embedded belief of entitlement.

“It’s like if you’re hungry you’re not bothered with where you buy food.”

God, I remember that feeling too well. How punters just viewed me as any other “whore”. I was nothing but goods they buying.

There was nothing glamourous about how they choose me. They just went down the line of girls, and took some of us back to our flats. As prostituted girls, we were interchangeable.

We were goods to be brought.

But for the men buying women is “adventurous”. They choose to believe that prostituted women and girls are not like other women.

They are “free-spirited”,  they need to have lots of sex. Prostituted women and are believed to have a looser moral system.

All excuses to ignore that the men are harming the women and girls.

For men will believe that rape is rare or cannot happened to prostituted women and girls.

Hell, how can it be rape when you have exchanged money. To say it is rape, would be withholding of goods to the buyer.

Never mind that many women and girls speak of prostitution as “paid rape” or “voluntary slavery”. 

What is more important is that men have easy access to sex, especially for sexual acts that their partners will not perform.

For men’s orgasms must happened, or they may not be able to function.

After it is a fact according to punters that prostituted women and girls –

“They basically do anything for money.”

Reading the punter’s words, I throw back to the cold world of prostitution. A world where men make prostituted women and girls into dolls they can manipulate.

Men use prostituted women and girls as a power-trip.

They may not say that in the public sphere. But, each time a man pays for a woman or girl, he paying for her to do precisely everything that he desires.

She has no rights.

“In order to really enjoy prostitution you need to know how to control them.”

That boostful language is keep away from the public sphere. Away from “good” women’s ears.

But that is how I remembered punters behaving and speaking.

I was controlled by fear. I was controlled by confusion.

I heard –

“We could kill any time, only joking.”

I did many sexual acts that damage my mind and body. I knew I had no right to say no.

Control was there all the time, even in the silences.

The thing that makes me very angry, is when men justify their use of prostituted women and girls by saying that it prevents rape.

Christ.

That is saying that they are rapists, but it does not matter. 

It is fine to rape a prostituted woman or girl for she is sub-human.

Her fear is unimportant. Her pain does not exist. It is not rape, for she did not complain.

I was raped over and over. I know many of the men using me knew it was rape. They did not care.

They continue through my fear. They continue through my agony. They continue if I went unconscious.

No, they were focused on their fantasy, and I meant nothing but an object to wank into.

It was “paid rape”.

I read the report. and I was amazed at how these men spoke words I thought would never be public.

“I think there will always be guys that go to prostitutes… something in the paper about guys that have steak at home, still go out for burgers – because they can, it was there.”

To end, a quote from Michelle Tea –

“Every day I was witness to the worst of men. Their carelessness and grand entitlement. The way they can so profoundly disconnect from what it is they’re having sex with, the way they think they own the world, watch them purchase a woman…. I thought maybe all the men called prostitutes. It was a terrible thought, but really, what did I care. There was a system in place that was older and stronger than I could begin to imagine…. I was just a girl…. If I had any power I would make it so that nobody was ever brought or sold or rented,”  

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8 responses to “Justify This

  1. It is so hard for me to get through your posts. You are such an amazing, strong woman. You are so brave to speak out.

    And yet people just continue to argue that this shit is ok, that it’s a choice, blah di fucking blah.

    We need your voice, and I thank you so much, there aren’t words to express how much it means to me to have you speaking out.

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  2. I think those men don’t mind saying it out loud because it’s becoming more and more acceptable for men to say that women are objects for their use. There are a lot of men out there who really do believe deep down that women are things not human beings. It’s why the number of men in the UK who have used prostituted women has doubled since 1990.

    I’m glad you speak out about this Rebecca, I’m also glad that there other people who are helping to expose these attitudes publicly.

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  3. So glad you have written about this Research and Report Rebecca. Because we need to hear the voices of women who have experienced men’s deliberate callous and vicious women-hating justifications for committing rape and sexual violence against women and girls. Immediately this Report was published, the justifiers leaped to male buyers defences by claiming research was small scale, it was not representative, or the commentators simply disbelieved what these men said. Always the same old excuses and denials, which is why it is so important to keep the focus on why so many men believe it is their right to buy women’s bodies for sexual exploitation. Of course such men would prefer not having to pay for what they see as their male right of raping and sexually abusing women and girls.

    None of those men who were interviewed were forced or coerced into giving their views – instead they willingly spoke to the researchers and some of these men attempted to impose their misogyny on the female researchers. Some men made sexual advances to the researchers and others made no attempt to hide their contempt and hatred for women. This to me speaks volumes in respect of why so many men attempt to justify their sexual violence committed against women and girls.

    In other words the men condemn themselves by their own words – and yet we still have men and women who claim prostitution is ‘harmless.’ Michelle Tea is right it is a system and it is called men’s sexual entitlement and their refusal to give up their so-called right of raping and sexually abusing women and girls.

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  4. Thanks for this amazing post, Rebecca.

    Thanks for speaking out. 🙂

    I hate when those johns say that “prostitution prevents rape”; it is so untrue and misogynistic…

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  5. Awesome post, as usual Rebecca.

    The whole preventing rape- you are right- they are admitting that without “paid rape” they would just go and rape another woman. They are admitting that they are rapists! It is really disgusting and sad.

    Keep speaking your truth!!

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  6. I hope you are in a better place now, Rebecca. and yes, thank you for speaking out. Every extra voice makes it that much harder for men to make excuses.

    It’s kind of wierd, but as I look around at all the men’s faces wherever I happen to be, I’m wondering where is the asshole man that I can point to and say, “see what he just did, that’s the behavior of an asshole, he might be one of those men who raped or harrassed some female to the point where she no longer trusts.”

    I hardly ever see any of those in public. But yet in private so many women have been raped, and so many have been harrassed to the point where she no longer trusts. I’m female. Nobody can say I don’t know these things happen as often as they do. I know what has been done to me and what never makes it onto the news.

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  7. Pingback: Fourteenth Carnival of Radical Feminists « Carnival of Radical Feminists

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