I am very ill today.
Last night I had a nightmare that has left me very sick. I have been sick and have been sweating it out.
I believe it is poison of my past coming out my body.
I may just be ill, but I deeply believe it is more than that.
In this blog, I remembered and uncovered my reality.
I reach deep into myself, reach with courage to regain my soul.
I feel my sickness is a natural reaction to the work I have done.
For I was poisoned by male violence. I was living a slow death.
Now I am forcing myself back to life.
It is very painful. My whole body is learning how to be alive.
My body is so used to having no feelings, Now, feelings are coming back.
Rather they are crashing back.
And god, it is extremely painful.
I feel like each torture, each rape and all the words of hate are coursing through my body.
I am terrified.
But at the same time, I am determined to get my life back.
To get it back, I have to get the past into a place where I can control it.
At the moment, it is a huge battle.
But, I survived my stepdad. I survived hard-core porn. I survived date-rape. I survived suicide attempts. I survived prostitution.
So I am determined to survive survival.