Poison Coming Out My Body

I am very ill today.

Last night I had a nightmare that has left me very sick. I have been sick and have been sweating it out.

I believe it is poison of my past coming out my body.

I may just be ill, but I deeply believe it is more than that.

In this blog, I remembered and uncovered my reality.

I reach deep into myself, reach with courage to regain my soul.

I feel my sickness is a natural reaction to the work I have done.

For I was poisoned by male violence. I was living a slow death.

Now I am forcing myself back to life.

It is very painful. My whole body is learning how to be alive.

My body is so used to having no feelings, Now, feelings are coming back.

Rather they are crashing back.

And god, it is extremely painful.

I feel like each torture, each rape and all the words of hate are coursing through my body.

I am terrified.

But at the same time, I am determined to get my life back.

To get it back, I have to get the past into a place where I can control it.

At the moment, it is a huge battle.

But, I survived my stepdad. I survived hard-core porn. I survived date-rape. I survived suicide attempts. I survived prostitution.

So I am determined to survive survival.

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3 responses to “Poison Coming Out My Body

  1. Wishing you well and sending you healing vibes, Rebecca. I’m sure you’re right that it’s the poison that was put into your body by those evil men now being released. Send it back to them I say – it never belonged to you.

    There’s that book “The Courage to Heal” and it took me a number of years to realise how true the title was. It takes a great deal of courage to face this pain and release it.

    Like

  2. Dearest Rebecca,

    Once again it is as if you’ve gone into my mind and given my experience words. Thank you.
    I, too, am determined to survive survival. So deeply grateful to have your company on the journey.
    Your sister,
    Gertrude

    Like

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