Thoughts on Choice

Often when trying to discuss prostitution, the subject of “choice” is wheeled out.

Most of the time it is used to silenced those who question prostitution.

It seemed that the belief that prostitution is a “free choice” is the end of all debate. When I see that belief as a beginning.

I am sometimes angry by that belief, but more often I am saddened. For slowly and with difficulty I can understand why some people say it is a choice.

It is simple to understand that the sex trade would promote the image of prostitution is a free choice.

The men that run the industry will put over an image of prostitution being empowering and safe.

Part of their image is to get women working in the sex trade to speak of how they are in control. How the women have “power” over the punters. And how it is simple to make lots of money.

That type of propaganda is spread outside the sex trade. It is in magazines and newspaper articles. Prostitutes are seen that way in TV dramas and films. It reaches out into student communities and in nightclubs.

The image of the “happy hooker” is so common that it will go into the subconscious of many women and girls.

So I can understand that many women and girls may think being a prostitute is good thing to try.

The concept that it is a quick and easy way to get money is a dangerous lie that is so seductive.

I know the world of prostitution, but when I had very little money, it still seduce me. I had no excuse.

So I will never condemn women and girls that fall for that lie.

All I can do is warn.

Do not fall for the idea that prostitution is safe. No prostituted woman or girl can control the men who choose to use. If a man chooses to enact a violent sexual fantasy – it makes no difference if the woman or girl works in a massage parlour, brothel, on the streets or in hotels – the prostituted woman or girl will be raped or tortured.

When a man pays for a prostituted woman or girl, he is paying to own her. So her safety is unimportant, her dignity is discarded.

That is the rotten centre of the world of prostitution.

I believe even if a woman and girl feels she has “chosen” prostitution, is very easy to be trapped.

It is easy to enter prostitution, but very hard to exit.

The longer the woman or girls is a prostitution the more she will be brainwash to believe she has no options but to be a prostitute.

I do not see that as a choice.

When working as a prostitute, it easy to forget how you became a prostitute.

I felt I “chose” prostitution. I believed I was in control. I wanted to think I had power.

I cut off any connection to child abuse.

I shut down memories of hard-core porn.

I pretended I did not hate myself.

I would of yell from the roof-tops how wonderful being a prostitute was.

If I could believe that, then all my pain, humiliation and grief would vanish. 

I say this because I have found that the worse thing of exiting prostitution is seeing the real reasons I became a prostitute.

Seeing it could of never been a choice.

It was just a way to self-destruct.

When I look at reasons many girls and women enter the sex trade, I cannot see it as a choice.

Girls that lived with constant sexual abuse may think of prostitution as the next logical step. They might as well get money, for many believe all they are are sex objects.

Girls who are brainwashed by “boyfriends” to help them get some money by sleeping with strangers. The boyfriends/pimps often confuse the girl by saying it will show how much she loves him.

Many of thes girls have never experienced love without coincidences.

Being brainwashed by the “first time” getting a lot of money, and the atmosphere appearing safe. This is common in clubs.

Many women are “tested” by the managers of clubs to see if they sleep with men for money. It will a gradual increase in the acts men are allowed to do. It is a form of slow imprisonment.

But an imprisonment where the prostituted woman is brainwash to believe it is her choice.

Poverty drives many women and girls into prostitution.

Many will say that drugs is the biggest factor for prostitution.

This is not true

Many women and girls that take drugs and are prostituted were taking drugs to blank others forms of violence in their lives.

Many pimps or managers will put women and girls onto drugs as a means of control.

Drugs are often important to deadened the violence that occur over and over when a woman or girl is prostituted.

And quite a lot of prostituted women and girls do not take drugs.

Drugs is often a red herring used to blame the prostituted woman or girl, and ignore the male violence.

I think when discussing whether prostitution is a choice, it is important to see the wholeness of the prostituted woman or girl.

But it seem that once the word “prostitute” is heard, the woman or girl is just that and nothing more.

She has no past. She may not have a future.

Her present is nothing but her “job”. All that happens outside of prostitution has no importance.

Does she not shop. Does she not watch TV or see films.

Has she no family or friends.

She is not allowed to dream. Not meant to have ambition, except maybe be a madam.

All she is an object without thoughts or feelings, who is just waiting to be fucked over and over.

And she will love it.

That is not a life, that is an existence.

So when saying prostitution is a choice – imagine the deadening of the body and mind that is needed.

For much of prostitution is paid rape, but often with no space to recover.

There no space to feel pain when men force their violent sexual fantasies into the prostituted woman or girls.

There no space to grieve the sense of degradation as men treat the prostituted woman or girls as living porn.

Prostituted women and girls are raped , tortured, humiliated and murdered on a regular basis.

This is all types of prostituted women girls.

Whether trafficked prostituted women or girls, high-class escorts, strippers or lap-dancers told it is money of the side, street prostitutes, prostitutes in brothels, prostitutes in massage parlours – all are seen in contempt by men who buy them.

All can be on the receiving end of male hate and violence.

For as I said, once money is exchanged men will consider they own the prostituted woman or girl.

So don’t fool yourself that any man who paid for sex has any respect.

All I hope is that if more and more women speak out about the realities of living as a prostitute, the less the concept of “free choice” will be believed.

But it is seemed a long way away.   



One response to “Thoughts on Choice

  1. Excellent Rebecca and the key is what you said ‘don’t fool yourself that any man who has paid for sex has any respect.’ So true because this is what prostitution is all about the normalisation and acceptance of women and girls as men’s sexual disposable commodities. ‘Free choice’ – just another piece of sex industry propaganda. Likewise claims that most women in prostitution enter because they are addicted to drugs. The reasons are more complex but primarily it is because of men’s sexual violence committed against women and girls.

    Claiming women who are addicted to drugs enter prostitution is a neat way of once again blaming women in prostitution and it also hides male accountability. If men did not demand or expect ever increasing numbers of women and girls be made available for male sexual consumption prostitution would not exist. As you say Rebecca don’t believe the lies, because prostitution is female sexual slavery and if it was not men long ago would have become male prostitutes because it is a ‘free choice and empowering.’ ‘Empowering’ – no it is disempowering and all about male control of women’s and girls’s sexualities and bodies.

    Male control over women’s and girls’ bodies is very subtle and yes it is a form of brainwashing so as you say Rebecca we need to constantly speak out and challenge these dangerous misogynstic myths concerning prostitution.


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