Writing my post yesterday about how I view the men that used me was extremely draining.
Today I feel very, very sick.
This should not surprise me. After all, I have raped more times than I can remember.
Why should I not be sickened when men thought they could own me.
Everyone should be sickened that men think it is ok to own women and girl. And then dare to say that is some kind of liberation.
I made sick as I know my body went through so much torture.
And when I say torture, I want to close down. Whilst at the same I need to howl.
Men made my body into their playpen.
I know through my body the meaning of sex object.
An object does not feel. An object has no thoughts. An object cannot receive pain.
An object will be thrown away.
That is how men view prostituted women and girls. An object for their use.
Be sick as prostituted women and girls are being raped now.
Raped and told it is they choose to be there.
Raped and not allow to feel grief.
Be sick as prostituted women and girls are tortured as you read this.
Tortured so often that they can no longer feel the pain.
Tortured so their mind refuses to know what is happening, so go into blank mode.
I feel that being sickened at the conditions that the majority of prostituted women and girls are living in is one way to grieve.
But use the sickness to build up an anger.
Anger that it has become acceptable to torture prostituted women and girls.
Acceptable as it portrayed that they just love rough and kinky sex. For that is why they became a prostitute in the first place.
Anger that this makes most of male violence invisible.
Anger that often it takes a serial killer to make the common and casual violence to prostituted women and girls even become an issue.
Anger that the ignoring of the impact of the male violence will and does make most prostituted women and girls think no-one will believe about the rapings and tortures.
I want the anger and sickness build towards a change.
I feel a weakness that all I can do is write.
I write in the hope that my strength will build to more practical action.
But others read my words, and are spurred to act – then I feel the huge effort I put here is worth while.