My Heart is Breaking

I have always wanted to grieve my life. I have needed to grieve as I came to know that my life was not unusual, but is happening to far too many girls and women.

I need to grieve.

As my stomach aches, as I get headaches, as pain go through my vagina.

I need to grieve. I want to cry. I want to scream.

All that comes out is a deafening silence.

Hell, I have to grieve.

Coz my heart is breaking.

I grieve as I see each abuse that I had was just numbing me before worse abuse.

I see my deadness in the eyes of underage prostitutes I pass on the streets.

I can’t cope with passing girls that have forgotten how to hope. I can’t breathe as others walk pass them as if they are invisible.

I want to scream –

Look, see them. Feel their pain. See they are humans.

Only always I fall into silence.

My knowledge is too big to be spoken.

Only it breaks my heart.

I am struck dumb when hearing that porn has nothing to do with prostitution.

Nothing but they interconnected.

How it be shown to be disconnected.

Most prostituted women and girls are used as live porn. Many women and girls are move around the different aspects of the sex trade.

They are move from prostitution to filming hard-core porn. From porn to strip clubs. From street prostitution to amateur porn films or internet porn. That is just the tip of the iceberg.

But what matter the most is how men view all women and girls in the sex trade as “whores”. That is those men see these women and girls as subhuman.

I will grieve that.

I grieve as women and girls are tortured, and told that they enjoy it.

I grieve that women and girls are made to have sex until their bodies are dead with pain. They cannot name it rape, as they know they do the same over and over.

I grieve that too many women and girls are cut off from knowng there can be hope. Knowing that it is ok to be terrified.

They have no idea that there could others who care about them.

This breaks my heart.

Having left that life, it hard not feel guilt that so many women and girls are struck and trapped in the sex trade. I can never feel that I do enough.

I do what I can, but I still have a gaping wound in my heart.

I suppose by stating this is will help me to feel without fear.

Advertisements

2 responses to “My Heart is Breaking

  1. Yeah, I understand your grief, Rebecca. An I grieve with you. 😦

    my life was not unusual, but is happening to far too many girls and women.

    Yes, very true. It’s a distressing shame that they are being made invisible and silenced by the male-supremacist system.

    I grieve that too many women and girls are cut off from knowng there can be hope. Knowing that it is ok to be terrified.

    They have no idea that there could others who care about them.

    This breaks my heart.

    Having left that life, it hard not feel guilt that so many women and girls are struck and trapped in the sex trade. I can never feel that I do enough.

    I do what I can, but I still have a gaping wound in my heart.

    It breaks my heart too. But it is great that you and so many others have spoken out.

    You and these women (see for example see this section of my site: http://www.againstpornography.org/womeninsexindustry.html ) you are all very courageous to have spoken out on the truth about prostitution and pornography.

    But, ultimately, in this patriarchal world that sees prostituted women as ‘subhuman’, you all do what you can.

    Some former prostitutes (many of whom who are now radical feminists) have created organizations to help women get out of the sex trade, i.e. exit programs. And I think that’s great and that it gives us some hope.

    Hopefully, one day, more prostituted women will speak out and be heard on the harms of the sex trade and on what prostitution really is.

    I hope this helps. 🙂

    Big Hugs to you, Rebecca.

    xoxo

    Like

  2. Rebecca you are doing so much already for the women and girls that are still trapped and yet to become trapped in the sex trade. Your message will go so far and is so worthwhile. I read your blog and cry for you but I am so glad that you continue to write. I will pass on your message to everyone that refuses to accept the truth about porn and prostitution. My heart is with you as I read Rebecca.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s