Why I Write

I have told that I write only “victim” writing. This may be partly true, but it much more than that.

I do not consider myself as a victim. Even when I was abused I never fitted neatly into the victim role.

I had too much anger. I was too determined to live. I had too much hate of my abusers.

The only way I was a victim, was I could not find an exit to end the violence done to my body and mind.

I consider my writing to be Witness Writing.

I write as clear as my mind lets me who I was, what it made me into.

I write because I know the violence that happened to me is happening to women and girls now.

I write to give words to what was wordless.

I write when I read other Survivors and know we have made a connection.

I do not write as a victim.

No each time I write, I feel the strength it took to live through so much violence and mental abuse.

I write to shed some of that strength and allow in grief and vulnerability.

I do not write to please anyone. I don’t write to be part of any gang.

I have not been brainwashed by radical feminists.

The voice that write was there when I was six, and I first experienced male violence.

Yes it has become the voice of an adult, but my views on porn, rape, prostitution and other forms of male control were formed by experience.

My words are mine, I may agree with some of radical feminism, but my views came from my heart and mind.

I do not need for others to control me or say what they think I have said.

Hell, I get that from my family and men that brought me for sex.

I write to say this is how many women and girls have to live inside the sex trade.

I begun writing when spurred by yet more murders of prostituted women.

I wrote because I was sick of the screaming in my stomach at yet more deaths. Yet more lives wasted.

Yet more women murdered after their lives were made invisible.

If I write for anyone, I write for the women I knew who were taken from this world.

I will never forget them, even if they have become nameless.

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4 responses to “Why I Write

  1. Ah that catch-all phrase ‘victim.’ It is used endlessly by those individuals who are determined to silence women’s experiences of male sexual violence committed against them.

    No, Rebecca you not write ‘victim writing’ you write about your experiences of suffering years of sexual violence inflicted on you by the nameless, endless johns. Likewise you are not a dehumanised being although those men attempted to destroy your humanity and individuality – but they didn’t succeed. So, porn apologists use another tactic – you must have been brainwashed by those demonic radical feminists.

    What you do though, is to write for the innumerable women and girls who have suffered and continue to suffer at the hands of men who choose to inflict sexual and physical violence on women and girls. You do not claim your experiences are identical to other women and girls involved in prostitution but yet, your words are being read by women who have experienced prostitution and male sexual violence. And yes, these women know that you are writing the truth. Which is why you are being attacked by porners and their supporters because the truth is always dangerous to those who are determined to maintain the status quo. Namely men’s belief it is their right and entitlement to commit sexual violence against women and girls. Shows you are being perceived as threatening to certain individuals and hence the vitriolic attacks being made against you.

    Witness writing – an excellent definition because it is writing down what you personally have witnessed. Victim writing – hog wash!

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  2. Thanks Jennifer. I suppose being seen as a “victim” is a back-handed compliment to the power of my writing.

    I feel that all I do on this blog is to say my experiences as clear as I can. As you say I would never claim that I know or would speak for other women’s experiences of the sex trade. But the more I write, read and listen, the more I see connections with other women who have survived the sex trade.
    I always feel deeply moved and honoured when other women feel connected to my words.

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  3. I am SO glad that you are writing. Your writing so often just resonates with something deep inside me … I find myself agreeing with things I didn’t even know I thought. Thank you.

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  4. The definition of ‘victim’ is increasingly used to discredit and deny women’s experiences of male violence committed against them. Fact is male violence against women and children is endemic and it is condoned and justified. However, there are many women who despite having been victimised by violent males refuse to remain ‘victims.’ Instead they attempt to rebuild their lives, some engage in activist work and others attempt to minimalise what happened to them. All of these are resistance to remaining a ‘victim.’ Reality is women can be both victims and still resist. But apologisers and deniers do not want to see this instead it is far easier to pathologise women.

    But, at the same time anyone can be a victim. One can be a victim of a road accident, or be a victim of a mugging. No one denies such events occur, but when it concerns male violence against women, immediately the deniers and excusers claim those who seek to challenge male power are supposedly pathologising women who have experienced male violence, by labelling them ‘victims.’ So, a woman is a victim if she has been subjected to male violence but that does not define her totally. Therein lies the difference.

    Yes, Rebecca as I’ve already said I know you are writing about your own experiences but what the excusers and deniers refuse to accept is that what happened to you did not happen in a vacuum. We need to ask why is it that so many men and boys engage in similar behaviour wherein they believe it is their right to commit rape and sexual violence against women and children. There is a continuum rather than claims such incidents are isolated ones and have no bearing on how male are socialised in our society.

    Far easier for deniers and apologisers to claim male violence against women and children are isolated and individual cases rather than accepting our actions and behaviour do impact on others. An excellent example is why so many men who buy women involved in prostitution all have similar beliefs and perspectives. How is it possible so many men and boys believe the same thing? Yet we are constantly told such beliefs are isolated and individual.

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