I feel that I am changing, I not sure what into, but I think it is positive.
I believe that writing this blog has made me find why I have so many empty spaces in my mind. Why I had become so used to pain that I ignore.
In my words I have learnt to trust myself. I have learnt not to be afraid of being afraid.
I have learnt not close down.
I have changed.
I know I can connect the violence done to prostituted women and girls with a general hatred that those men have to all women and girls.
I know they used prostitutes, because they assume that can be as violent as they want to and no-one will give a damned.
I have always known this, but now I will not put up with that attitude.
That is why I write, speak and do whatever I can to help others fight and campaign for abolition.
I am sick of being tolerant to the sex trade that exploits and uses torture to control the women and girls that are made into goods.
I no longer have any patience with male justifications for raping, torturing, mentally abusing, verbally attacking and murdering women and girls just coz are classed as prostitutes.
I cannot be bother with women that label themselves as feminists, then say that we should not intervene with prostitution.
No I do have the time or mental space to debate the ins and outs of prostitution.
I want to build towards saying why abolition should the goal of feminism, not always put to one side.
I believe that feminism should listen to prostituted women whether exited or still in the sex trade.
Many prostitutes, if not the majority, are in the front-line of the male war against women and girls.
Each time a man chooses to rape a prostitute, each time a man uses a prostitute as real-life porn, each a man batters a prostitute, each a man kills and throws away a prostitute – it is a slow destruction of all women rights to be fully human.
Feminism cannot continue to push away prostitution as a messy side issue.
There can never be true freedom for any woman or girls, whilst a whole mass of women and girls labelled prostitutes are stripped of their rights to have humanity.
I am a feminist – but sometimes I do feel ashamed at the dismissal of prostitutes in the feminist community.
I truly admire feminists that campaign, work and fight for prostituted women and girls.
But there too many women who are under the feminist label, and make excuses for the buying and selling of women and girls.
They speak for men, and distance themselves from the “nasty” women.
Is this because knowing prostitution can mean knowing that any man can use a prostitute. Be it your brother, your father, your boyfriend, your mate in the pub, your teacher etc etc.
I know that many of the men that raped and nearly murdered me, were more than likely very kind and decent to women in their lives that were mothers, sisters, girlfriends and wives. Many men that torture prostitutes can split that behaviour from their “normal” life.
That is a massive feminist issue.
Part of my revolution is wanting feminists to listen to the words of prostitutes. Listen to the anger, the rage, the pain, the grief. Listen to their determination not to be just viewed as victims, or just as the role of the whore.
And listen to how their knowledge of male hatred, listen to how they survive and often thrived despite that hate and violence.
Their words and knowledge can only strengthen feminism.