THIS IS TRIGGERING
Last night and today, I came into a knowing of the violence done to my body by johns.
I cannot be clear, but I believe I will write what I can. Not for myself, for it is my past, but because what I remembered is common in the sex trade.
I remembered through my body. The pain and sickness in my body would not leave until I said my words.
The main pain was in my throat.
Men attack the throat, that silences prostituted women and girls.
Having to suck penis, having to swallow spunk, having fists shoved into the throat, being made to deep throat.
Speaking has no importance when you trying to work out how to breathe. I knew I was drowning.
Last night I chocked and chocked. I was so scared.
How we live in a world that allow men to strangle, chock, deep throat, put objects down the throats – how we say that is acceptable. Acceptable because it is done to prostitutes.
How can we live in a world that is so uncaring that when and if women exit the sex trade, and then get massive after-effects from the traumas of being tortured – only to be push away.
Our trauma does not count, because it is too uncomfortable for those who choose to view the sex trade as harmless.
But I know my memories are true. I know that knowing my memories are there to bring me back to myself.
As I remember, I know I have no choice but to fight for an end to prostitution.
Knowing the pain is knowing that it is an abuse of human rights.
And that is the bottom line for me.