Always Something There to Remind Me

I am now listening to a Burt Bacharach’s concert on the radio. I would place as my favourite late 20th century songwriter. Man, he wrote for everyone that I love.

I would like to write with my light-heartened title, that I am always reminded how I and many prostituted women are not allow to have full humanity.

It makes no difference whether we are or out of the sex trade. It makes no difference what our backgrounds are. It makes no difference what our inner worlds are.

After all, once a whore always a whore is a cliche, coz it has a half-truth in it.

I am angry that my words about my experiences of prostitution are used to lose track of my humanity.

My words are used as weapons and examples in discussion on prostitution. Often it is all words and bluster and very little action.

It does little or nothing to give women who are living in similar condititons that I did.

Words written or said can make the speaker/writer feel better, but without practical action, what is the point.

As I write, I know I am hypocrite. I just write, maybe just spit into the wind.

But, why do the oppressed people always have to rescue themselves.

When they carry the memory of their own torture, when they often don’t want to return to the place where that pain came from.

Most women I know who have survived the sex trade want to cut out that part of their life.  I think they deserve happiness and to live a full life.

The few exited women who choose to campaign, work or just not lie about their experiences should not have to carry it all alone.

And they should not constantly be used in a war of pro- and anti-prostitution.

They are are individual women who will not and cannot fit into neat stereotypes.

They are not martyrs, or are suffering from mental illness. They are not brave warriors. They are not simple feminist. They are not man-haters. They are not sex crazed. They are not just abused as children. They are not just drug addicts. They are not empowered. They not just whatever role that is convenient.

They are individual humans. With all the faults and goodness of being human.

If any exited woman doesn’t fit the stereotype you have formed, all I can say that is tough.

I was prostituted, I was tortured, I was made nothing.

Now, as I coming back to myself, I am damned if I will fit a role just to pleased others.

I will never forget my past, it is inside my body.

Yes, my past does fuel my anger at an industry that profits out of women’s and girl’s degradation and pain. But I want no prostituted woman or girl should be condemned.

I have friends who still work in the prostitution, I care about them deeply.

I believe it would rude and selfish of me to condemn them, especially as it would be implying that I doubt their intelligence.

Instead I respect as the friend that they are. All I really care about is that they try to keep themselves safe.

But both they and I know if a man decide to be violent, there is very little that can be done to prevent it.

In the long run, that is my major reason for wanting to abolish the sex trade, coz it gives permission for men to be as violent as they want and usually get away with it.

My heart and mind want prostituted women and girls to not live under that constant cloud of fear.

Not to live every day reminded that they will never be fully humans.

I want women who say they are anti-prostitution to not only used exited prostitutes as examples to confirm their arguments, without seeing the full human.

To recover means living a full life, not just being a role that saids over and over the pain and grief.

I can speak only because of the rest of my life.

I will not fit a stereotype.

Not as I love TV, listen to any and all music. Not as my passion goes into rugby, football and cricket. Not as I watch Hollywood. Not as eat all food, meat or not.

I am human, I am complicated.

So are all prostituted women and girls exited or not.

As long as their humanity is made invisible, they will remind just a whore.


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