After my last post, I have found my PTSD has gone into overdrive.
My body is in agony, especially my anus, I am exhausted and very terrified.
I feel like I was tortured when I was prostituted, now I am doubly tortured as my body remembers. Christ, it is so fucking unfair.
I am told and believed that I am doing all I can to look after myself.
I know with the logical part of my mind, that you cannot live through all that hate and degradation without one day facing the reality of the pain.
But it is horrific.
I am in deep shock that I was not murdered or that my body didn’t die out of not being to cope any more.
God, the human body is so determined to survive. Even when death would so much more preferable.
My knows every rape, every ways I made into porn, every battering, every hole penises and objects were forced into.
The body remembers whether I want to or not.
I am determined to face this hell, but I just needed to say that I am scared as well wanting a future.