I have just been reading an amazing article by Suki Falconberg in Women’s Space – “Non-Prostituted Women and the Loneliness of the Long-Distance Whore”. It is partly about how the media and academia misrepresents prostituted women and girls.
The power of her writing reach into a part I thought was lost, I found I was sobbing as I read her words.
I sobbed as I know again how hard I had to make myself to survive the mundane brutal violence that is prostitution To quote Suki Falconberg –
“There is no ‘sensuality’ in being raped all day, and in taking in penises of men you don’t know in your mouth in a dirty alley, as you kneel, subservient.”
But the media does and will continue to portray being a prostitute as having “joy, dignity, sensuality and power”.
For millions of women and girls that are or have been prostituted that is just a sick joke.
My experiences of violence and degradation were less than a great many prostituted women.
I was not locked away from the world. But through self-hate and the brainwashing of the sex trade, I believed all I was worth was to be a fuck-object for cash.
I was not raped every day. But I was raped so much, that I lost count at round 300. I stopped counting coz my mind had a meltdown. I was raped so much, that I became a robot and was surprised when I saw my severe injuries.
I was only gang-raped a few times. Not locked in a system where gang-rape was used to punish and control the women and girls who show any spirit.
I did not have a pimp. But I had managers/friends who stole any money I earned.
I was not trafficked to another country. But I was moved from clubs to the streets, into private parties. I was exchanged through “word of mouth”.
I got raped anally and orally, but it was not known as torture. That is just how it felt.
I was not murdered, so I suppose I was lucky.
I can say some of my truth , but as Suki Falconberg said –
“No one interviews me. I interview myself…. I am not a fuck-rape specimen for cool academic observation….
To let you into the place where I have suffered inside would be impossible. You have to keep what happened private, to protect at least one tiny spot inside.”