I started this blog from a place of anger, that seems to have increased the more I let myself know my reality of surviving prostitution.
The thing that makes me the most angry, most rageful, is how prostitution is made smaller than it is. By that, I speak of how the violence is made invisible or made to look glamorous. How women and girls are to be non-abused by putting them into categories where it appears to be a choice.
I feel to understand prostitution, language need to be unpacked.
More I think language around prostitution has been taken away from exited prostituted who may expose the violence and degradation that is the reality for the vast majority of prostituted women and girls.
Language around prostitution is safe, nice, appears radical and takes some of the clothes of feminism.
But it often a language that is about continuing to allows men’s entitlement to buy and sell women and girls. It is a language that named violence as games or free choices.
It is the language of power, a language of the status quo.
A term that angers me is “sex work”, often with the refrain – “it’s a job like any other job”.
Well, that may be true for a tiny minority, but it the majority that concern me.
I do not think that most jobs have the hazards of constant rapes with no recourse to justice, that being beaten up on the job is just a work risk.
And how jobs have a high risk of murder.
How many jobs is trauma seen as a natural outcome of leaving.
Don’t make get hollow laughter by saying it just work/job.
Especially, if when the vast majority of people who say that have no intention of being prostituted. Or if they do have money for sex it is as a leisure activity with people that know and trust.
No, say it is just like any other work, when you have your vagina, anus and brain fucked over and over by men who could give a damn if you are alive or dead.
Like any other job, when you are raped and battered many times in one night, and knowing that your employer could not give damn as long the money rolls in.
So, don’t go there with me, coz I may just be sarcastic. For, if you believe it is a job like any other job, I come to believe it pointless saying the reality to you.
I am angry at the separation of porn from what johns do to prostituted women and girls.
I know johns choose to imagined their brains have many compartments, but why do others make the conscious decision to believe such bullshit.
In my experiences, in my research and with using logic, it damned clear that most johns will pour porn into the bodies of prostituted women and girls.
Often, it is the blatant re-enactment of some video, movie, magazine, novel, or general boy’s porn chat.
My body lived through porn fashions of the late 70’s and 80’s. Prostituted women and girls are in the front-line of whatever boundaries that porn chooses to push.
Many deaths of prostituted women and girls comes from johns chooses to re-enact porn and finding there is only a certain limit any women’s body can take.
Porn is not real, it is not natural. Porn will and does do great harms to the bodies and minds of prostituted women and girls.
But most of the violence done when johns re-enact porn on the bodies of prostituted women and girls becomes the unspeakable.
Things that are done in the name of porn seems unbelievable.
It hard to believe that the body can survive so much pain, and have it done over and over.
It is hard to believe that the vast majority of prostituted women and girls who are tortured by johns acting out porn not only keep their sanity, but often can act as if nothing much has happened.
It hard to believe that the body will and does recover from such violence.
But the sexual torture must be seen and spoken about.
We must turn ourselves away, that is too easy, and is a betrayal to many women and girls that are being sexually as you are reading this.
Just because something seems unbelievable, does not make it disappear.
I don’t want to believe the killing fields of Cambodia, but I know it is true. I don’t want to believe that children are raped every day by adults who are their carers, but by Christ, I know it happens all the time.
Look at the reality of how johns can and do sexually torture prostituted women and girls, and see the connection with porn.
Hell if porn give out images of double penetration, anal rape, deep throating, gang-raping – then of course all that will be perform on prostituted women and girls.
And in this porn-fuelled environment, johns “know” the prostitute is happy. If she appears in pain, it is not real any more than it is on film or in some magazine.
If it is real pain, the john will persuade himself that the prostitute is the type of woman or girl who enjoys pain. For everyone knows that whores are not like other women.
In this sick environment, the john is disappointed if the prostitute is not smiling or having multiple orgasms.
And how can porn be separated out from prostitution when many of the models/actors in porn are prostituted women and girls.
Much of the hard-core porn is made by women who have been internally trafficked from other parts of the sex trade. Much of the more extreme violence in porn is yet another way of degrading and punishing prostituted women and girls.
Porn is a form of control. Often in the making of porn there is pain and fear for the woman on the receiving. There is very little care for her physical and mental welfare, especially if she placed into the class of a prostitute.
If you choose to separate prostitution from porn, that is more than naive, is placing prostituted women and girls in danger.
I am angry when I am told that being a prostitute is a feminist act.
No, wanting to abolished prostitution that is a feminist act.
What is feminist about the buying and selling of women and girls for the main purpose of male orgasms and power.
Yes, I know it is said that prostitution could be empowering for women. That they have control over their own sexuality, that they can choose to have sex without emotions, that exchanges money for sex is thrilling, that as long it done with safe men it is fine.
Well, that is fine and dandy if you do hobbyist prostitution with friends. Although I would question why it label as prostitution, when it has little or nothing to do with reality of the sex trade.
I think what friends do in private is not prostitution, even if money is exchanged.
For the majority of prostituted women and girls cannot choose what johns will have them. Whether an escort, street prostitution or in a brothel, the johns have the control.
If he chooses to be violent, the majority of prostituted women and girls have no power to turn him away. It is her “job” to have take whatever he does to her.
How empowering is that.
This post is very hard to write, and quite exhausting.
I write in a rage. Rage that I live in a world where the violence to prostituted women and girls is so common, that is usually never noticed.
It is so ordinary that we have had to invent a whole language to prove it is not violence but just a lifestyle that some women and girls choose.
Hell, I wonder why I despair.