Although I may not be able to write for some time, I thought I would give it a go.
I feel for me I need or want to write in a visceral manner of my reality. A manner which is about placing the reader slightly in my shoes.
To understand prostitution means knowing what it to be dead. Knowing what it is to live with sexual torture.
Knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel is and will always be an oncoming train.
That is why it is easier to romanticise prostitution. That is why language is transform to make it liberating and empowering.
The truth is closed down both by the woman or girl living inside the sex trade, and by every other aspect of her society.
I write what it was, what it is and how it infects my every cell.
Imagine being anally raped. I know for sure many of you can.
Imagine that happening so often that you cannot feel the pain, only are surprised at the bleeding coming out of your anus.
Imagine that you cannot feel the pain, but faint when you sit in a hard chair.
And imagine that twenty years after the constant anal rapes, you have pain in your anus on a daily basis and are afraid of the toilet.
Imagine being gang-raped. Not in films or newspaper cutting, imagine it is you.
Then imagine it happen so often you do not let yourself know it anything more than a film. So often you watch the brutalisation of your body from the ceiling.
Imagine gang-rape is just a punishment for what you don’t know.
Imagine entering inside porn, being nothing but porn.
Imagine your body laid in poses which send deadness into you.
Imagine every hole being filled with penises, objects, hands and mouths.
Imagine not knowing that humans could that cruel, do such horrific things, only to find they do much worse.
Imagine all that and you may get a little of what it was to be prostituted.
And imagine there was some “normal” sex, some gentle sex, some talking. Some times that were not sadistic.
But know you have no control over whether the johns choose to be cruel or “nice”.
Know you are owned.
Know you can never say no and be heard.
Understand that is prostitution.
I have limited time, so this is all I will write.
I hope to bring my computer back at the end of next week.