The Other Side

Although I would think that at least 90% of the sex that was put into me was bad sex there was more.

I know bad sex for what it is, because I have known and absorbed good sex.

Good sex is part of my being, it is very quiet – but it is there.

Knowing I give and receive sex that give me back some of my body, has made regain some self-pride.

It is very rare that it happens for usually sex for me is just an act where I am not really there.

The reason I choose celibacy at the moment, is because I don’t want to be detached with someone that I have respect for.

For me good sex break my barriers down, making me feel that I may belong inside my body.

Prostitution stole that from me.

I hate that when I feel sexual, I can feel my body detaching from my mind. I become a performer so smoothly.

I cannot do that any more. I deserve far more than that.

I want sex that pushes the ice out of my body.

I don’t want the woman who may have sex with me to treat me as I am made of china.

I will not break if there force done with love.

I need to be out my body in order to find it again.

In prostitution I may of been detached, but my body was an leaden weight I could never leave.

I want to stop performing. I want the shock of a real orgasm.

I need my body back.

Hell, I want to be loud. I want hold too tightly.

I want to stop being aware of the environment I am in, and lose myself for a short period.

Good sex is not a given. I would say only two men and three women have given me good sex.

Most sex is just tedious – but in my life I have too much of torture being re-named as sex.

I believe that one day I will good sex again.

But after all the boring and horrific sex my body has been put through, I have decided to be damned fussy.

I do not need sex, so if I have it better be strong enough to break down my barriers.

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