Although I would think that at least 90% of the sex that was put into me was bad sex there was more.
I know bad sex for what it is, because I have known and absorbed good sex.
Good sex is part of my being, it is very quiet – but it is there.
Knowing I give and receive sex that give me back some of my body, has made regain some self-pride.
It is very rare that it happens for usually sex for me is just an act where I am not really there.
The reason I choose celibacy at the moment, is because I don’t want to be detached with someone that I have respect for.
For me good sex break my barriers down, making me feel that I may belong inside my body.
Prostitution stole that from me.
I hate that when I feel sexual, I can feel my body detaching from my mind. I become a performer so smoothly.
I cannot do that any more. I deserve far more than that.
I want sex that pushes the ice out of my body.
I don’t want the woman who may have sex with me to treat me as I am made of china.
I will not break if there force done with love.
I need to be out my body in order to find it again.
In prostitution I may of been detached, but my body was an leaden weight I could never leave.
I want to stop performing. I want the shock of a real orgasm.
I need my body back.
Hell, I want to be loud. I want hold too tightly.
I want to stop being aware of the environment I am in, and lose myself for a short period.
Good sex is not a given. I would say only two men and three women have given me good sex.
Most sex is just tedious – but in my life I have too much of torture being re-named as sex.
I believe that one day I will good sex again.
But after all the boring and horrific sex my body has been put through, I have decided to be damned fussy.
I do not need sex, so if I have it better be strong enough to break down my barriers.