One reason I have the strength to write this blog comes from the love I received from Dad and Judy. So I write some memories that made me proud to have as my family.
My Dad was always good with children, and give so much love which help me survive and get some strength to not always to blame myself.
I think this love, and this remainder that I could be a child was vital to stemming some of my self-hate. It did not destroy it, but it give me an alternative.
This he and Judy did this whatever my behavior.
I reacted to my abuse with anger, with out of controlled behavior, with sulking, with going into danger recklessly, with violence, with silences and with running away.
I pushed them to their limits, but they love me, never rejected me.
I was part of them, and they were part of me.
So my grief is huge, as they not only give me love, but hope and the knowledge that there more to life than violence and abuse.
I know one of the major reason I could survive the horrific violence I lived through in prostitution, was that in the depths of me I felt this was not my real life.
This came from the love of my Dad’s family, especially Dad and Judy.
They built in a solid emotion that I was worth so much, that they were very proud of me all my life.
That give the seed of self-respect, which is an amazing to pass on to another person, especially one as damaged as I was.
This is all I can write.
RIP, Tony and Judy Mott.