Personal Thoughts on Consent

I am very unsure about how I view “consent” when it comes to sex between men and women.

I am not sure if there can “free consent” can be with a woman when we live under a system where men feel they have a right to have sex.

Of course, as a survivor of incest and the sex trade, I am very biased about this subject. But I find little evidence of true equality and respect in heterosexuality.

I feel that in “normal” heteosexual relationship, there is a great deal of pressure put on women to let the man have sex.

On too many occasions, this has little or nothing to do with her desires or wants – it his orgasm that matters.

Pressure come in thousands of forms, men have made an art form of pressuring women into sex.

Guilt is a major tactic.

Guilt that he has gone without sex for so long, even if it only a couple of days.

Guilt that he may go and sex elsewhere – he may have to use a prostitute or fuck a friend of hers.

Guilt that not having regular in somehow affecting his health.

Guilt that he may become violent to others, he may even rape.

He will say myths.

That he has to have to have regular sex or he will dry up or explode.

He gets headaches without regular sex.

She cannot love him if she doesn’t “service” him.

Some men go to anger.

Some men will be known to batter or rape if the they don’t get their god-given right to have sex on demand.

This is just a tiny bit of the context that make “consent” a myth.

Then there is the history of how women are treated on a day-to-day level.

Women are raped and not believed on a massive scale. Women have survived sexual abuse as children on a massive scale. Women are continuing raped by men who they thought they could trust.

Women are battered on a massive scale. Women are threatened with death in order that they give out sex. Women are continually threatened by men they thought they could trust.

That is often at the back of the mind of women, when a man is pressuring her for sex.

Where is the consent there.

Of course, there are men/female relationships where communication and trust is central.

But until that is the norm, then consent is a myth invented by men to make women feel guilty for wanting some kind of autonomy.

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4 responses to “Personal Thoughts on Consent

  1. “Of course, as a survivor of incest and the sex trade, I am very biased about this subject. But I find little evidence of true equality and respect in heterosexuality.”

    Rmott I wouldn’t call this biased… your experiences with men have shown you NO evidence that there is equality and respect in heterosexuality! I have had experiences that had me about ready to give up on men all together. What the hell are we supposed to do when we are constantly being pornified and objectified by men in our lives? Especially by men in our families? When you’re taught, repeatedly, that you exist solely for sexual pleasure of men, exactly how else are you *supposed* to see things?

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  2. ‘men have made an art form of pressuring women into sex”

    Ha!, this is so true.

    Agree with everything else you say there. Until the pressure stops, until the rapes stop, until the violence stops, you can’t talk about consent between men and women in a meaningful way.

    In fact the word consent itself is in itself a giveaway, it’s about a woman agreeing to a man’s desires. Men act, women consent.

    Like

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