The Trick is Remembering to Breathe

This week I have pushed close to my personal brink.

I have been close to wanting to die, close to scrapping this blog, close to falling back into self-harm.

I have been on the receiving end of others’ hate and ignorance of what it is to be prostituted. I will not repeat what they said and wrote, for they are not worth it.

Anyhow they are just repeating the constant themes that prostituted women and girls are to blame for whatever violence happens to them. Again they repeat language that makes male violence invisible.

What was hard this week was the personal lies they said or wrote about why I was to blame for what happened to me.

I try to laugh it off, I try talking it to friends, I try ignoring it.

But the hurt is so deep. The hurt that drives me into self-harm.

So I have to concentrate on breathing. Concentrate on my own conscience.

I need to know that I am being attacked for speaking a truth that others want to destroy.

I am being attacked for having the courage to say knowing it open me to hate and mental warfare.

In a way, these attacks show what I write and say is undeniable – for otherwise the other side would be more reasonable in challenging me.

I will not be shut up.

Yes, you do hurt me deeply – but that hurt fuels my inner warrior to speak her truth louder and with clarity.

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6 responses to “The Trick is Remembering to Breathe

  1. I’m furious about the things that have been said, and I never fail to be appalled at the lengths some people will go to to silence and humiliate others. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this shit.

    I’m with you, if that’s any comfort.
    Much love and hugs.

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  2. I too am furious. These “fun feminists” need to stfu and realize how they’re enouraging exactly what has happened to you.

    After ALL that you’ve been through, do you REALLY need someone to come here and say that shit?

    Have you considered maybe making ur blog private/password protected?

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  3. I have consider making it private, but I feel my message is too important.
    Also the vast, vast majority of people that read my blog are positive, and it vital for me that Survivors have easy access to my blog for they are my priority.

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  4. These people who are messaging you – Is that the best they can do? – They obviously feel threatened by you and want you to close down this blog which is the exact reason why you shouldn’t. You must be doing something right and you are worth a million of them. Keep up the good work Rebecca you are doing great and these people are not worth losing sleep over.

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  5. The attacks on you have been vile, Rebecca. It’s a price you should not have to pay for speaking your truth. Of course it says more about the attackers than it does about you, but it doesn’t stop the pain the attacks cause.

    I’m glad you refused to be silenced. We support you.

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  6. I’m unaware of the attacks on you and your blog but I’m thankful for your courage, strength of purpose and perseverance. That people visit this blog to abuse you and denigrate your character makes me positively incandescent with rage. I stand by you and support you.

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