Surviving the sex trade is hard, and is made harder by so stupid things others say.
As a survivor, I have learnt to not respond, but often the pain and anger crushes into me. It makes me sick, I have silent fury – I ignore, but wander away wounded.
I have learnt not to respond, because my words are used as a weapon against me.
In this post, I will a few of the most damaging stuff express to me.
I would say the vast of majority of people who say or write these things appears to think I am sub-human, and therefore I have no feelings to be hurt.
“If it was so bad, how come you are alive then.”
Well, this is not a ghost writing this. I am flesh and blood.
I know you say that, for you want to prove there no real violence, or if there was violence that I must of enjoy it really.
Do you not know there were survivors from concentration camps, that some survived atomic bombs, that many women survived battering, constant rapes, that many people survived torture everywhere.
Humans learn to adapt to the most horrific conditions. They live, they do not go mad, they keep their essence.
Would you not say torture, rape and battering were wrong. I bet you would if were men.
But suddenly when it is prostituted women and girls, if they are not dead – then it become clear there is no real harm.
Well, there are many women who have survived the sex trade. These women know torture, know rapes until you lose your body, know battering as a normal part of life.
These women are not just alive, they may speak out about the hate and degradation that is the sex trade.
Their voices will count.
Of course if you choose to defend the sex trade, then it would a hell of lot easier if these women were dead.
“You must remember that your story is just one side.”
The other side being the sex worker, the happy hooker, the men and women who enjoy using or making porn, the “decent” manager, the johns who are nice, that the sex trade is just about fun and liberation, that all about sexual freedom.
Well, sorry that other side is tiny and often is just a porn fantasy rather the reality of the sex trade.
The sex worker/happy hooker, who has no abuse from johns/pimps/managers, who has never been addicted to drugs or alcohol, who can totally choose what sexual acts are done and choose which johns can use her, who was never raped or abused before entering the sex trade, who is never raped as a sex worker, who can always get johns to use condoms, who controls men, who is rich, who can leave any time she wants – I have yet to meet this superwoman and I know no one who has.
Of course johns want to believe they are controlled by powerful prostituted women, like most abusers they want to viewed as victims.
The image of sex worker/happy hooker means there is no rape, she just is willing to do what nice women wouldn’t. Any violence is just rough sex. Any non-use of protection, is because women like her love taking risks.
The image of the sex worker/happy hooker is just a porn fantasy for johns to give themselves excuses for violence to women and girls, and say she just loved it.
“You are just ashamed, coz you enjoy it really.”
Yes, I loved being orally raped till I was unconscious. My idea of a fun night out is being gang-raped until I don’t know how I am alive. I loved being forced into a wall and anally so that I bleed for several days.
God, that was my leisure.
Do you go to men who were tortured – did you get a kick out of it.
Do you say to children who been raped – was it thrilling.
Do say to people who have survived a train accident – wasn’t it just fun really.
I bloody hope not.
But it ok to say to women who have survived the sex trade, it was fun wasn’t it.
For they do not feel pain, they do not get degraded, they just love sex that may put their lives and mental welfare in danger.
What you are saying is they are not fully humans, and you are superior to them.
“You say there is harm, but where’s the proof.”
The proof is in the massive rates of trauma in women that have exited the sex trade. The proof is that so many women and girls are murdered who are in the sex trade that it not news, just a common event.
The proof is the high rates STDs that johns give prostituted women and girls. The proof is that many women live with a lifetime damage from STDs or the violence forced into their bodies by the sex trade.
The proof is that allowing women and girls to be brought and sold is giving permission to make any and all violence done to them invisible – so the proof disappear like magic.
The proof is listening and hearing women who have survived the sex trade, and have the strength and courage to speak out.
There is proof everywhere, it is your choice to ignore it.
I will probably write more some other time, but for now I am exhausted.
If depression is anger crushed – then all this makes me bloody depressed.