I Write as I Listen to Etta James

I am writing listening to my personal favourite Blues/rock ‘n’ roll singer.

Etta eases my heart and allows to reach into spaces I usually ignore.

She makes me cry – god bless her.

I am very worried that blog is off-putting to my loyal readers.

In my decision to confront my past with the words used here, my decision to not sugar-coated my lived reality – am I going too far.

Let me say, this may be my PTSD talking.

At least, the part of PTSD that tells me there is no proof for anything that happened to me. The PTSD that reminds me that if it did happen – I must of wanted it.

For isn’t my trauma coming from the mental violence of being made into dirt. Isn’t my trauma coming from forgetting I was human, and knowing I was an object to be poked.

I could not imagine it all.

Not when friends from my background and upbringing are so ignorant of prostitution and it true impact. Not when my body is continually destroyed by the agony of knowing.

What my mind dismisses, my body screams out.

What I need, wants but by christ I need, is to know my words are having some kind of impact.

Please comment, it a small rest for my PTSD.

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5 responses to “I Write as I Listen to Etta James

  1. Your blog is definitely having an impact on me Rebecca. the more I read the more I want to act against prostitution. Even been thinking about doing some work with prostituted women in my area as I know of a project working with young women.

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  2. Your words haven’t put me off. You speak the truth about prostitution and about what was done to you. It is vital work that you do.

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  3. you have no idea how much you have impacted me. it has rekindled my passion to fight against sexual exploitation in all its forms… for a long while i had been doubting myself and getting confused by the pro-sex industry feminists. i had gotten on the fence about prostitution and porn because they glossed over the reality, silenced and dismissed the reality and made it sound as if the vast majority of women are choosing to endure these horrors because they like it. you have opened my eyes to their ignorance and denial and how i got off track of what i believe in my heart to be right. the reality you are revealing is so incredibly important. your work may help to save lives from being ruined or brutally ended. please don’t ever give up your fight, and don’t ever let the exploitation-positive people beat you down. their opinions don’t matter. they speak from a place of deep ignorance and privilege.

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