Part of my sickness of my soul, comes from the constant refrain from feminists that prostitution is about all women.
On a very profound and emotional level, this is not true. By saying that, I hate to remind you, you are making prostituted women and girls invisible.
You are placing them into sub-human. I know you think you are not, but my gut, my heart, my intellect, my memory, all tell me that you are.
Think about the expression –
All women are treated as whores.
I am sure that hurts your feelings. The word “whore” may be a knife to your heart.
But to treated as a whore, is not to be a prostitute.
To have men staring at your body, to have men wolf-whistling you as do your day-to-day stuff, to even to be asked to have to have sex by a strange man on the street – that is not to be a prostitute.
For you have the freedom to say no, you will walk away. You have the mental space to be offended, hurt or to be scared.
You are not a prostitute.
A prostitute does not even notice men staring at her body, that is her role from before she can remember. Being asked for sex by a stranger is her norm – she will react like Pavlov’s and say yes as she feels her body deaden.
It is nothing to her – for she has been made into nothing.
I so sick of being told prostitution is just like being raped – but just a bigger scale.
That really misses the whole reality of prostitution, and it will silence survivors of prostitution.
Rape is in the context of shock. It can be an event, not the norm in your life.
To know that you have been raped, means you living in an environment where you can recognise a wrong has been done to you.
I know you will not get justice on most occasions, but you have the mental space to know that you have had poison poured into you.
Many rape survivors have friends or family who believe them.
Being raped is a ripping apart of your normal life – but with love and belief your life will come back.
That is not prostitution.
Prostitution is structured to make rape normal. Rape is nothing when you are prostituted.
There is no name for what from the outside is named rape.
How can it be named when it is all the time, when it your role, when every man who buys is taking sex without giving a damn if you are alive or not.
How can it be named when to survive there is no feelings of violation, no memory that these vicious sexual acts can so full of agony, no idea that it could be wrong.
How the hell can it be named as rape, when you know there be no justice, no idea that being a whore doesn’t mean every fuck is your choice and because you never be like other women who can be raped – no a whore cannot be raped, it is her role to be holes for men to fuck.
That is the ugly truth of being prostituted.
Don’t call it rape – call it sexual torture, sexual brainwashing, being forced into nothingness. If you must call it rape – say it is on an industrial scale, see it is rape without hope of the end, see it rape that is made invisible and into “it is just a job, ain’t it”.
I find very hard to write at the moment, coz my pain and anger is overwhelming.
I just write this post to say don’t make the realities of prostitution invisible by always saying just an extreme version of being a woman. Whether that is true or not, please know how silencing that is – and how it comes across as patronising or dismissive.
For many prostituted women and girls trapped inside the sex trade, it is as if they inside a concentration camp .
It is a world that appears to have no end. To survive, you have learned or adapt to do and become whatever is demanded off you, when it is degrading and highly dangerous.
To survive, most prostituted women and girls force their minds to not know the violence, the hate, the degradation and the terror. None of that is real, as that becomes unreal, the prostitute will find she does not exist.
To be a prostitute, your only existence is in the eyes of those who have use for you – whether that is to fuck you, to sell you, to see you as the ultimate victim, to see you as happy hooker, to every and any image of the prostitute that is the cultural norm.
To be a prostitute, is to have no existence outside the minds of others.
To be a prostitute, is be dead inside, but always functioning and often coming across as strong.
I know all women are roles – but most have large parts of their lives where they know their own essence.
To be prostituted, is when alone to find there are no thoughts, no ideas, no sense of who and what you are. To be prostituted, is to be a puppet that only comes alive in the gaze of others.
That is the hell that is named prostitution.
If feminism is to go forward with its war to end prostitution, it must separate out how prostitution is not the same the life experiences of all women.
Listen and learn the realities of prostituted women and girls.
I sure it will hurt and be hard to hear our truths.
But listen without comparing – for then you are able hear with respect.