I am massive Kinks fans, truly mental for them.
As I listen to them yet again, this song title sums up PTSD for me.
Yah, it is all day and all of the night.
I could have a sense of humour about that, but it kind of goes down the drain as each cell of my being is taken over by trauma.
But, it was all so long ago, ain’t you over it yet. Are you so weak that you can’t recover.
After all everyone has shit in life, what makes you so special.
Well, I ok physically, I have a safe and secure life, I have solid friends, I see my future spread out before me.
Yes, now I know hope is no illusion, that violence is not just part of life – god, I know that I becoming fully human.
But that is only part of PTSD, in some ways it is the easy part of PTSD.
It is easy to only see how I was affected as an individual, and to blank out that my experiences were a tiny, tiny part of the oppression of women and girls in the sex trade.
PTSD is horrific for it the search for justice and dignity, and every minute, every hour, every day, every night, every month into years, that is stolen from you.
When I went to the Hillsborough Memorial Service last year, there was grief, there was pain, there was inner strength, there was a community – but the silent and loud screaming was for justice and respect.
In that crowd, I was surrounded by many with PTSD, and it hit me that I never rest until there is a space of dignity for all those who have survived the sex trade.
That can only come about with justice.
Justice would means women and girls would be able to exit with a fully rounded support system. This will last as long as they need or want it.
Sure that is expensive, but a tiny amount of the profit that sex trade makes over their bodies.
Exit schemes need to have focused mental health systems that are trained to deal with effects of living inside the sex trade. Not to lump together with rape counselling, battered women counselling or drug counselling.
Treat exited women and girls with the respect to hear the differences of living in the sex trade, don’t say it just part of the continuum.
If you don’t respect the differences, then even if you think you doing the right thing – you will be silencing prostituted women and girls.
Do not lump it in with rape – unless you can hear that most prostitutes are raped, sexually tortured so often that to survive they trained their mind to say it was their choice.
How can it be rape, if you told and come to know it is just your job, it is your nature.
How can it be rape, when you smiled and smooth the man’s ego. How can it be rape when you go straight into another man.
How the hell can it be rape, when you know rape only happens to good women and girls – you know for so long that you not and have never been that.
And even it is rape, what the point of saying that when no-one gives a shit if a whore is raped.
Do not lump in with battering.
It is not battering of an individual woman and girl – they are never seen as individuals, just a mass of goods that the sex trade pass round for profit. It is the sexual torturing of a whole class of women and girls given the name prostitute.
When I was sexually tortured, it was never personal, if they had killed me, it would stop the constant flow of women and girls to be made sub-human.
If you want to hear the sexual and physical violence that is the sex trade – than compare it political torturing, think of Stockholm Syndrome, think of any event where humans lose all hope, all sense that they are an individual – think on that level and you may be beginning to understand what it is to be a prostitute.
Call it sexual torture, call it sexual slavery, and bloody call it an obscene abuse of human rights.
Just don’t think of it as the individual woman or girl’s fault or responsibility.
Please don’t lump it with drugs counselling.
Not unless you prepare to discount many prostituted women and girls who not addicted to drugs, but need and want help to exit.
Not unless you stop assuming that prostitution is just some secondary issue to drugs, that prostitution is just a way to buy to drugs.
Start thinking that so many prostituted women and girls were put on drugs by pimps, managers and profiteers of the sex trade to keep them at the bottom. It is convenient for the sex trade to have prostituted women and girls addicted to drugs, for they will do any violence that johns want.
The more violence the john wants, the more profit the sex trade makes.
Do more than drug prevention, speak to the trauma that drugs dampened down.
All this is why my PTSD is so chronic.
I live in a world where there no justice for prostituted women and girls.
So all day and all of the night, I cannot fully rest.