A stark fact of prostitution is that the average age that a girl who enters it is 12.
12 that is not even a teenager. That is a child.
12 is meant to an age of discovery, of wonder, of finding a place that is your own.
Not being turned into a dead sex-toy.
I want to write of when I was 12 to 14.
The ages when everything of any importance died inside of me.
The ages when I made a whore, and the outside had no meaning to me.
I want to write coz finally inside a grief that is ripping me apart – I see, I know and I believe that I was only a child then. A lost child, but a child.
I cannot rescue me from what I had to endured for many years – but I can give myself a voice for that time, I can cry for me.
And I can say I write because all the time, every second, in most countries – young teenage girls are having their essence ripped from them by the sex trade.
I write because so many girls are trapped, are too dead to be terrified, too dead to know it is torture/rape/they could be murdered, too dead to even imagine they could know hope.
I scream with sorrow, I yell with rage and cry until I can’t breathe – that I have to live in a world that destroys young girls on a mass scale and then makes it invisible.
Invisible by saying they must be bad, being bad they older than they look – they are not children who are being abused, but adults that choose to be prostituted.
See, there’s magic, suddenly under-aged girls are ok having sex with many strangers if there a business relationship there.
It is not child rape or torture – it two adults making a mutual arrangement.
Why else is it so invisible the mass raping, torturing and mentally abusing of young girls. Business is business.
To survive that reality, a young girl must believe she is goods.
One way to survive is imagine, often force yourself to imagine that you enjoying being fucked by so many strangers.
This I try so hard to do, I try so play the role of the whore.
But going back and seeing with clear of grief – there I see a young girl trying so damned hard to make sense of the senseless.
Like so many young girls, I wanted so much to believe in love. Love from men who fucking me to eliminate me.
That wanting of love, made blanked out what they did to my body.
I could not know the pain of so penises going to the back of my throat. I would know that these men had strangled me. I would for gang-rapes, not know how every hole was filled with pain.
I went instead into a dream-world. World where men care for me, told me I was special, romance me.
I was dying and being destroyed as I faded away from reality.
I was a young girl wanting love – was that so bad.
Looking back, I can now see and know the men that sold and brought me. I know for the evil they did.
Men that make the choice to get involve on any level of the sex trade, are getting involved with a “business” that is build on the raping, torturing, murdering and brainwashing of young girls.
Average age of entrance is 12 – that can never be written down enough.
So, to all men who used the sex trade your money is going to the destruction of millions of young girls.
If you buy or used porn – that money is going to abused young girls – many may raped and tortured to make your wank-fest.
If you look at adult women being raped and tortured to make your porn – then of course you know fully they were not abused as young girls, for of course you know their whole life don’t you.
Just make the choice never to buy or look at porn, then you be sure no woman or girl has been harm just for your precious orgasm.
It is the same with using prostitutes.
Don’t whine on about how you respect the prostitute that you fuck, that you know she is happy.
Hell she looked happy, she obviously was enjoying herself, she an adult ain’t she, I’m sure no-one made my whore do this.
Christ, most johns know nothing about the woman or girl that they have just brought.
He does not know what age she enter the sex trade, he does know or care the pain he inflicting on her body, he chooses to forget she is acting a role.
What is pleasure to him – is more than likely rape to her, is torture that never end.
For many women and girls prostitution is just a way of continuing self-harming. It is a long suicide note.
Men who choose to buy prostituted women and girls are fucking the damaged, fucking the dead.
They are fucking into holes that just happened to have the shape of a woman and girl around them.
Nothing is worth that.
I do not know where this post is going – it seemed like my teenage spirit is leading my rage. I have decided to go with flow, for sometimes my adult soul is too controlling.
My teenage spirit has a rage that can no longer be caged. She has been quiet for too many years.
She now knows the men that raped her – she knows and now she can finally feel hate.
These men know I was under-aged, know they putting into terror, know they agony they force into my body, know I was desperate for love or some caring, know I would tell no-one, know I would blame myself – they know they could any sexual and mental torture, coz I was whore wasn’t I.
Now my teenage spirit can curl into a ball and scream until she may cry.
I did not want that. It was not my fault. I could have died, been murdered. I just wanted to loved. I just wanted to be seen as a human.
I wanted to matter.