Dedicated to Biting Beaver, for being a huge inspiration.
An aspect of prostitution that lives inside my trauma is the GFE (Girlfriend Experience}.
This usually is when the john wants you as an escort, but not just for sex, but to control every other aspect of your mind and body.
That in the sex trade is what a girlfriend is. Always held inside his porn-mind, the “girlfriend” will have to be interested in everything he is, everything he does.
She must eat the food he likes, drinks when he wants, watch TV with him, go to parties with him, meet his friends, dress as he wants, sleep when he let her sleep – and of course, have sex whenever and wherever he wants.
Being a GFE is to be turned into a porn robot..
Like many prostitutes I hated every second of GFE, for it felt like being enslaved. I feel sick as I remember some of what I had to do for those men.
Those men love the power of owning another human being – the more degraded I was the more pleasure the johns got.
I was their property, so I had no rights, only hope it would not be too bad.
And I was paid enough to block it out when it was over.
Some men did not even pretend that they saw me as a human.
One man who round 40 years older than me, would meet in the pub. There he ignore for most of the night, only to take back to his house.
There he would violently anally abused for several hours. This would be once a week, until I too ill to do it any more.
That was GFE at it’s most brutal – not as the media portrays it, but a reality for a great many escorts all over the world.
There was no affection, no interest that I had a life outside of him.
No to be GFE, the prostitute must forget she is real.
She is whatever fuck-doll the john wants.
I had johns who would dress me up, and take me to posh parties. Showing that they had a girlfriend – never mention the money in public.
This was a nightmare for a whore has no place except as decoration as those parties. I try to talk, but what can I say – so I learnt quick to follow converations, and say words that made it sound like I was normal.
All the time drink was a problem, my intinct was get ratted, but I knew to drink little so I could have a tiny bit of control.
Only to be drunk for the fucking later make deadened some of the pain.
Even at posh parties, some johns loved the power-trip of fucking me, degrading in the toilet, in the car, in some bedroom – knowing anyone could walk in. They loved fingering me as we danced, or were sitting talking to others.
Always reminding me what I was – like I could ever forget.
Some johns would meet in pubs with their mates. Again to prove they could get a girlfriend, get a trophy.
This was terrible, for the relaxed atmosphere would fool my brain that it was real. Speaking and drinking with his mates, I thought I was liked, that I was was of some interest.
That maybe I was human.
That was knocked out me damned fast, when he was fucking me later. Then I remember I was just holes and a porn-dream.
Some johns would have me for a week or more.
Then to survive, I made myself nothing. I was a blank piece of paper that they scribbled all over.
One man was obsessed with American football and Japan.
I eat tasteless soup and raw fish – maybe it very good, but my sickness made taste like nothing. He show me cartoons of schoolgirls getting raped, I just smiled.
He would watched Superbowl all night, I had to watch every second.
If I lost interest, or my eyes wander or dare to close, he hit me hard.
And he wanted sex on demand, anal sex, endless oral sex, sex without condoms, experiments with my pain thresholds. Sex was all I was.
Sometimes he went out, and locked me in the house. I don’t why for I had long ago lost the will to escape, I was too dead inside to care.
That is GFE, it is the murdering of the woman’s soul. She becomes nothing, her will is dead.
No wonder most exited prostituted women look back at GFE, and feel a rage at being owned so thoroughly.
But GFE is made out to be safe and a great little earner.
I would say there is nothing safe about GFE, it just depends on how violent the porn-fantasy of the john is.
The john controls what happens in the GFE, do not believe the myth that prostitute has the power. That is just a porn-myth, very popular in Playboy, Hustler, any silly porn film of escorting and mainstream culture.
If the john fantasy is that he is “controlled” by a whore, he will makes the rules appear that way.
But it he who do the fucking, he will choose how much degradation there will be, he can do pretend submissive for he holds all the cards.
For if she breaks his rules, she will be hit, scream at, fucked violently, thrown back into the gutter.
But most GFE are with johns who enjoyed degrading the whore, enjoy pushing her fear and pain thresholds to the limit, enjoy fucking her into exhaustion – they want a whore not a girlfriend.
So please stop glamorising the GFE, and see as yet sexual and mental torture of prostituted women.