Though my suffering and pain, I will try to seek what is good in me and my work.
I will try to write of pride, an emotion I am slowly learning to know.
I am deeply proud of this blog, for the first time in my life I found a place that only I could have created.
Sure I have the style of other writers, sure many of my experiences are happening to tons of women and girls.
Only I feel I have found I have a unique voice, a truth that comes out of my guts onto the computer.
Only I can speak my silent screaming, can know who I was as johns sent me into deadness.
Only I can control my rage and form it into poetical prose, with space for the reader to hate those who made the choice to destroy me.
Only I can distill endless torture, endless words of hate, endless sexual hate into something I would name art.
That is the legacy of my blog.
I am proud that I made the choice to help and reach out to other survivors.
Whether it just by sticking to this blog however shit I feel , or by giving and receiving support from each others.
Survivors of the sex trade are so isolated, if I can help to reach out, then I have achieve more than I would have ever imagine.
I am proud that I am prepared to speak out in public, be a visible face of strength and courage.
Not what the sex trade want, that all exited women are silenced by fear, mental health issues and not having a language that described the horror they have survived.
I am not dead, that angered the sex trade so much. Let them be angry, I not afraid for now they are raging against solid granite.
Yes, I will always have remembered fear of the sex trade. But now, that fear pushes me forward to stop that terror infecting other women and girls.
I am proud that I am finding the strength to fight for other young girls who are tricked into the sex trade.
Now as I see the lack of love surrounding them, I have discover a deep compassion inside of me.
I have found that I losing that I judge myself so much, I see with shock and grief how trapped I was.
I am very proud that I have found I have found being a friend is something I find easy.
I find I can trust, I have confidence to know I am well liked, often loved.
I know I am not boring, I know I try to find the interesting in others. I know that beyond reasons that I believe most people are striving towards the good.
I am not bitter – yes I have a rage but only for those who have proven they will cause severe harm and not give a shit.
I have a rage against the profiteers of the sex trade for they allow violence against women and girls to make them rich.
I have a rage against johns, for they can make the choice not buy a woman and girls just for their egos and to be a fuck-machine.
Rage is not being bitter, it is not negative.
Rather rage is a power that makes progress, is a force that wants a revolution. Rage is targeted – and leaves huge space for love, compassion and empathy for all those harmed by those you rage against.
Rage give me an inner peace, in the knowledge I truly focused.
All this I am proud of.