Finding the Good

Though my suffering and pain, I will try to seek what is good in me and my work.

I will try to write of pride, an emotion I am slowly learning to know.

I am deeply proud of this blog, for the first time in my life I found a place that only I could have created.

Sure I have the style of other writers, sure many of my experiences are happening to tons of women and girls.

Only I feel I have found I have a unique voice, a truth that comes out of my guts onto the computer.

Only I can speak my silent screaming, can know who I was as johns sent me into deadness.

Only I can control my rage and form it into poetical prose, with space for the reader to hate those who made the choice to destroy me.

Only I can distill endless torture, endless words of hate, endless sexual hate into something I would name art.

That is the legacy of my blog.

I am proud that I made the choice to help and reach out to other survivors.

Whether it just by sticking to this blog however shit I feel , or by giving and receiving support from each others.

Survivors of the sex trade are so isolated, if I can help to reach out, then I have achieve more than I would have ever imagine.

I am proud that I am prepared to speak out in public, be a visible face of strength and courage.

Not what the sex trade want, that all exited women are silenced by fear, mental health issues and not having a language that described the horror they have survived.

I am not dead, that angered the sex trade so much. Let them be angry, I not afraid for now they are raging against solid granite.

Yes, I will always have remembered fear of the sex trade. But now, that fear pushes me forward to stop that terror infecting other women and girls.

I am proud that I am finding the strength to fight for other young girls who are tricked into the sex trade.

Now as I see the lack of love surrounding them, I have discover a deep compassion inside of me.

I have found that I losing that I judge myself so much, I see with shock and grief how trapped I was.

I am very proud that I have found I have found being a friend is something I find easy.

I find I can trust, I have confidence to know I am well liked, often loved.

I know I am not boring, I know I try to find the interesting in others. I know that beyond reasons that I believe most people are striving towards the good.

I am not bitter – yes I have a rage but only for those who have proven they will cause severe harm and not give a shit.

I have a rage against the profiteers of the sex trade for they allow violence against women and girls to make them rich.

I have a rage against johns, for they can make the choice not buy a woman and girls just for their egos and to be a fuck-machine.

Rage is not being bitter, it is not negative.

Rather rage is a power that makes progress, is a force that wants a revolution. Rage is targeted – and leaves huge space for love, compassion and empathy for all those harmed by those you rage against.

Rage give me an inner peace, in the knowledge I truly focused.

All this I am proud of.

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5 responses to “Finding the Good

  1. I am proud of you and this blog.

    I’ve never experienced what you have, and sometimes, it is hard for me to read it. I’m ashamed to admit that sometimes I skim past because I don’t always have the strength to see your raw pain. But it is that very shame that makes me realize how terrible this is. I know now that porn and prostitution have a far darker side than the media would like for me to believe. It hurts.

    Thank you. Thank you for making me understand at least a portion of the pain so I can do what I can to stop it.

    Like

  2. You have got a lot to be proud of Rebecca think of all the women you have helped. Your strength gives other strength and there are many women who will not have to experience the pain you went through because of the amazing work you are doing.

    Like

  3. a very inspiring post! i am so happy for you, rebecca. i am happy that you are discovering who you are, and that person is an incredibly beautiful, strong, resilient woman. you have every right to be proud of what you are doing and who you have become. thank you again and again for your wonderful work!

    Like

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