Basic Manners

Although I am very proud for others to use my words, especially to campaign against the sex trade. I want and need to have my permission asked.

For me, this more than basic manners – it also because I had my identity stolen by the sex trade.

Having my words used without my permission is no small thing to me, it is violation of my right to an identity and to be a full human.

This is because the vast majority of those who make the choice to use my words without bothering to contact me, do so to undermine my truths, and more than often to support views that I oppose.

My words are used to portray me as a sad, damaged and isolated victim. My words are separated from other prostituted women, and made to seem just bad luck, bad choices – hell, she was always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My words are stripped of any politics, stripped of my constant remainder that my realities are only written of, coz I know it is happening to million of women and girls now.

I may be called an abolitionist, but that is only to ridiculed me.

Those who want to ridicule me, pity me, shame me, place themselves above me, see me only as a victim – they will never ask permission to mis-use my words.

I do not write to them, for they see me as sub-human, so my words would make no sense to them.

I write to those who consider themselves to be my ally, but still don’t think it is important to ask my permission to use my words.

That is a betrayal.

Let me make it very clear, I have lived in a world where my identity was stolen, where I had no rights over my existence.

So I need to have my permission asked for spreading out parts of my soul and my political actions.

To be prostituted is to have no identity.

Most johns and profiteers never give you a name, or re-name you to suit their porn fantasy or increase the profit.

I was filmed for cheap porn, I had no rights over how my image or my very existence was used. I was never asked permission.

I had no identity, I was goods to used until I was thrown away.

That is why I need control over how my words are used.

I am very proud to send my words out into the world, but I try my damnest to make sure they not betrayed over and over and over.

So have some respect, if you truly say you care about the rights and dignity of exited prostituted women.

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6 responses to “Basic Manners

  1. Some people are pushy and vulgar with no respect for anyone else or anybody else’s feelings, in their struggle for self promotion. With a subject like this and with what you went through that kind of an attitude can cause real harm.

    You have every right to be offended if people have misused or disrespected your words.

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  2. No freaking kidding, Rebecca! There is really no betrayal like the kind of betrayal that happens when those who have at some point presented as being on your side twist what you’ve said or lie about what you’ve said about yourself or lie about your life — *your life* that you have shared vulnerably, taking *all* the risk, under your own goddamn real life name –for their own purposes, to undermine you, to hurt and attack you, to discredit you. This has happened to me *in spades* too and it is disgusting and despicable. May every last one of the people who have done this to you, to me, to women who have dared to tell our truth, get precisely what is coming to them. Nothing makes me angrier than this.

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  3. I’ll take it down if you don’t want it to be there, but I did quote you on my Tumblr without realizing that it could be potentially disrespectful:

    http://naartje.tumblr.com/post/483793216/on-choice-within-the-sex-industry

    I apologize in advance! I had no intention of discrediting you in any way, I just thought what you had to say was very valuable. I think you’re an incredibly strong woman to share your story like this. I hope voices like yours will play a key roll in eventually dismantling the “sex” industry and “sex” work in general.

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  4. Thanks everyone for your support, I was scared to write this. But cannot go back to a place where I lose my right to identity, and my words are a strong part of that.
    I have used and abused for too long to put up with the stripping of that, for it placing me into a role not to be fully human.

    Heart – we are right to be furious. It is like some people only listen or read our words in order to either trips us up or place it into an agenda that goes against everything we believe in. That is a betrayal.
    But we are meant to just accept their behaviour. I won’t it makes me furious.

    Ysa – I am proud to be on your tumblr, for you have done it in a very respectful way.

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  5. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Rebecca. You have inspired me to write my own from abusive intimate partners. I was wondering if you’d allow me to link to your blog from that site.

    Thank you again.

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