Last night, I was triggered until I lost my sense of humour, triggered into the place where laughter is poison in my mouth.
I was triggered by going out early in the evening, round about six, for a break from my work. And I was surrounded by lads speaking of going to a stag do.
Already drunk, already wolf-whistling any woman they thought was fuckable, already swearing at the unfuckable women
They were loud, annoying everyone round them – and convinced they were the masters of the world.
And in their loud voices they spoke of going abroad – Amsterdam, Eastern Europe – to find prozzies that were cheap and would do anything.
A stag do – cheap travel, cheap beer, and cheap fuckable prostitutes – far cry from being blindfolded and tried to a lamppost.
I felt like saying why go abroad – there are plenty of prostituted women and girls in all English towns and cities who you can fuck, who you can rape, who you can sexually torture – if you like you can murder her.
Would that be the perfect stag do.
Stag does will always give me back my terror, my degradation, my rage.
Your fun is and was mine and millions of prostituted women and girls destruction.
You want us to be your ultimate porn-toy for several hours.
If we are struck in a room with the group of staggers, we must perform a predictable script.
Act the stripper, the cheap whorish stripper who does not mind getting felt up, being made to kiss deep, having objects and hands in cunt and down mouths, with luck will for more money fuck some of them.
Imagine you are inside the skin of the woman acting the stripper.
Know your safety is on a knife-edge, shut in a room a bunch of drunk and hype-up men who small minds can only think on porn.
Porn means you will never be safe. Porn has place you are just the whore who is holes to be fuck. Your body is only there for all the men in the group to use.
You only safe if those men decide not to use violence, not to degrade you – that is very unlikely if their brains are porn-fuelled.
Stag does now often end in brothels or other places with quick and easy supply of whores.
I did the fucking of men from stag does – I heard their excuses, I heard their triumphing over degrading me, I heard their I don’t want to do this, but my mates are.
I was their whore for five minutes, for an hour and if unlucky several hours.
Some would fuck with so much anger, screaming hate of women, saying marriage would trap them.
They rape and rape, they beat me up, they place on the edge of death.
I would learnt to smile at them, I learnt to be their counsellor, I learnt to act turn on by their hate.
I learnt how to survive.
The ones that I hated – were the staggers who felt sorry for themselves.
These were the men who they were only there coz their mates force to be there, that they thought it was wrong to treat women so bad, that they love their girlfriend, that they are scared.
These bastards always end up screwing you, often with the same fury as the angry men.
Only after they may cry, they made go on and on and on how you – you fucking whore – made them act as they shouldn’t.
I wanted to put a pillow on their heads as they keep talking and talking.
But I learnt to be their mother, their sister or best friend, I learnt to say it is all ok, it only sex after all it means nothing, I learnt to smile as I wanted to vomit.
I learnt to survive.
Many men persuade themselves that stags does are ok, if they convince none of the prostitutes or strippers are forced, under-aged or trafficked.
How the hell do they know.
Every women and girl in the sex trade survive by painting on a happy face, by saying it her choice, saying she is well treated, by doing whatever sexual act that is paid for, by not giving anything of who she really is.
Men in stag does get the image – they know nothing of why and how she came to be in the sex trade. They nothing of her pain, her grief, her deadness and her knowing she has no future.
If she looks happy, she must be happy.
I know men who go on stag does are highly unlikely to read.
But if anyone read this and has men they know thinking of doing a stag do – please remember it may include the sexual torture and degradation of women and girls in the sex trade. I don’t care where they go – they violating the human rights of those women and girls.
Get drunk as you like, act the idiot as much as you like, make noise – but don’t even think of using women and girls in the sex trade.
If you do – then you buying into sexual slavery and a trade that is founded on torture.
Get a conscience.