Tell It Like It Is

Now I am listening to this beautiful song by Aaron Neville, and I feel it could be my motto.

I want to write to say telling it as it is is not a form of therapy for me – unless it a therapy that makes me very sick.

Telling it as it is is not a cure for my past, it will not stop what happened to me, it will not stop what happened to so many that I knew.

Telling it as it is is not said to give easy answers, to say a step-by-step way out. God, if I knew that I would screaming at every government in the world the solution.

There is massive sadness in telling as it is.

To be a truth-sayer is to carry grief, to know a rage that could drown you, to be sick as the truth is spoken and for days after.

But to be a truth-sayer is to forge a path to say the sex trade is not inevitable.

How can it be. The sex trade was just an invention of men for their convenient. Sure it was invented before written history, so men can pretend it was always there, so what’s the point in trying to rid the world of it.

Men speak of prostitution as if it was some accident that landed here. As if it is as natural as mountain ranges, oceans – always here, always will be here.

But there is nothing natural about prostitution – unless you have a world-view that rape, sexual torture, making women and girls in fuckable goods, making these goods so disposable that their deaths can be made invisible. If you accept that, then maybe prostitution is ok.

But lets look at some of the concepts of prostitution – and ask why men invented them.

The major concept of prostitution is the buying and selling of women and girls just so men can get sexual kicks.

This goes throughout all history we know of, and much of history we have no access to. This concept is so great for men, that it cuts across countries, across cultures, across times.

This goes with another concept of prostitution, that because men have tons of fantasies of porn, so there must always be a wide variety of prostituted women and girls.

Across the centuries, there has always been many categories of the prostitution – all these roles were invented by men for their porn-fantasy.

There has always been the high-class escort, she is given many name – courtesan, girlfriend material and goddess the most popular.

There has always many variety of indoors prostitution, they are given many names – brothel worker, bawdy houses workers, working in a house of ill repute, sex worker, temple worker, sauna/parlour worker are popular terms.

There has always be the prostitute who viewed as dirt, there are given many names – street-based prostitutes, whores, trafficked women.

Hell, men place labels all over the prostituted woman and girl, pretending he somehow treat her different if she is a whore or a courtesan.

But, all prostituted women and girls are disposable goods. He will own her whatever label he puts on her.

In that ownership, if she displeases him, whether she knows it or not – he is entitled to bash her, to rape her and he can murder if he wants.

She is his property to do as his will – no label will protect her, especially when the label has nothing to do with who she is as a full human being.

A concept in prostitution is that there will an endless supply of women and girls for men to fuck.

Thoughout history, this supply has been through plunder in wars, through poverty of women and girls, through the sex trade coming along to pick up women and girls after natural disasters, through getting girls who are damaged by previous sexual violence.

Hell, the sex trade takes advantage of using women and girls who have lost hope, who do not know love without being used, who have nowhere left to turn.

Prostitution thrives on the desperation of women and girls.

And then it invents the myth that prostituted women and girls have freely chosen their lifestyles.

That is a concept, that is a huge sick joke.

It is a concept that means the sex trade can make a huge profit – for it for centuries, say the men that use prostitutes can be guilt-free, for she wants it.

In this concept, they invent a portrait of the whore that lets men off the hook.

He can rape her without guilt – coz she cannot be raped, it is her work to give sex to whoever owns her.

He can torture her without guilt – for she enjoys it, she has a different level of pain, a different moral compass, she loves the danger.

He can even murder her without guilt – it helps if just murder one by one, then it will go unreported. But if he wants to be famous, serial kill a few whores, and maybe a film or book will made about him.

He did all this for she is sub-human, so it will not matter.

I speak about these concepts with some sarcasm, for that stops the pain, terror and grief of being forced into those roles.

My rage cannot be stemmed that too many view that this world as inevitable.

A world where it would be called genocide, if there was not a constant replacement of women and girls destroyed by prostitution.

A world where those women lucky enough to exit, are left with extreme trauma.

There is nothing inevitable about that world.

We cannot allow men to have the right to buy and sell women for sexual exploitation – not if that includes mass rapes, brainwashing, sexual tortures, exploitation of girls, and murder.

Is there any other legitimate and non-sweat shop work , where those conditions would be acceptable.

I always thought owning another human being, and making sure they are stripped of all rights and dignity – wouldn’t that be named slavery.

Oh no, men invented the concept of prostitution, so it must be separate from slavery.

All I say, when in the middle of prostitution, it sure as hell is close to slavery.

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9 responses to “Tell It Like It Is

  1. Men suffer as well, whether you assign responsibility to the male half of the species, or just acknowledge slavery to be a suffering of women and men, and the prostitution of men to be a real phenomenon.

    Maybe the kind of people who deserve your outrage are those who live far from your reality, the people who decode the truths you write through the ciphers they encrypt their truths with. Your secrets, what you spy through your history, cannot be decoded just from the text, not for them. How can you share your truths with them?

    Taking another person’s position, getting into their shoes, is a willful act. You have hard shoes to walk a second with, no doubt, but our shoes, people like me, you could walk for miles, days, years, and cross the United States like royalty, in our shoes. But if your rage wont let you walk that long in the wrong shoes, how about for just a second? A true second? Then you could express your outrage at what is there to find, or just use it to power your sneakers. Right now, the people you walk on are the people you try to help.

    You seem to know no position but your own. Your anger, grief, and bitterness are expressed, but you write like it frightens you to think like the people who hurt you. Well, with all the bitterness you have for johns, all you do is stereotype them (and half our species), you call them “men”, try to make them less fearsome with harder words or more ringing statements, but make them scarier instead.

    That is like purifying water by pissing in it.

    I do not know you, but you write about real things people really go through, so if you survived those horrors, can you grasp what your tormentors wanted, I mean how they thought, not what they did on the outside, but how they experienced it, what it was FOR THEM. Impossible as it seems, if you do feel grief, something more than righteous anger or clinical detachment from the “men” who abused you, could you extend your grief to them, to some small part of them, whatever light shines inside them that you didn’t see?

    Until then, you give every man (and woman) in the world power over you by denying their ordinariness, their trivial ability to have a stomachache, to feel jealous of attention, to laugh at the Sunday comics, or stay up too late watching the news. You make them stronger, faceless, choiceless, robots of every woman’s doom, or the helpless recipient of your bitterness if they get soft. You seem to have had a naive, hateful view of how men (and women) do feel.

    I know people will do anything, but they dont have to be monsters to do it, they do things that I dont like anyway, far past what I would ever want to live through, or face in my future. But they are different on the inside than the outside. Don’t assume you know how, instead, check it out by taking their position in your mind. Step into it.

    Many of the people I have hated, who I thought were awful to me, were completely different on the inside than the outside. What that made them, to me, is less powerful, less demonic, more ordinary, fallible, and vulnerable. If it had been your mission to hurt them now, you would have found how easy that is, too, once you saw how ordinary they really are. They can be humiliated too. I have yet to read real put-downs of johns from feminists, much less humorous ones.

    As is, you marginalize yourself, practically rationalizing your own ineffectiveness with your ignorable bitterness. There’s no humor, no punch, nothing that would touch or hook the people you (claim to) want to change. So you’re less effective than you could be. Or maybe you hate them so much that you just wish they were all dead? “Men”, these solicitors of slaves, all dead?

    People like you can lead us, men and women, to change the horrors we have held up in front of us far too much. You know more than we do, went through what we would never want to, and that is why we have to look to you, so please help men instead of trying to corner them or dismiss them as the horrible half of the species.

    I wont post here again, most likely. We don’t have many common experiences, what would be the point? Your posts are interesting for their factual content, but I already read some anti-prostitution literature, and got the gist.

    So far, your writing is bilious and aggressive, just like the existing feminist anti-porn literature that has all the high-brow analysis and poetic testimonials that I need to read. Yes, its important, but parroting it is unnecessary. If you cant turn it into stuff that ordinary people can tolerate, what good are your efforts? If all you’re about is indulging yourself, I just misunderstood. You have every right to do that, parrot away. If not, then one anonymous opinion is that your current approach is self-indulgent and ineffectual, mainly for your fans, not anyone else. I see it all the time on the web. It’s such a waste. You should be a leader.

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  2. It’s interesting that you choose to be anonymous – and possibly very telling.

    How dare you try to tell Rebecca how she should feel and how she should act. No-one ever has the right to do that. I’ve been involved in feminist campaigns with her and I know that Rebecca does absolutely the best she is capable of. I find her an inspiration, her strength in light of all that she’s been through, her authenticity in writing of her and others’ experiences, and her courage in fighting for other women.

    So johns are sad bastards – fair enough, we guessed – but why should someone who has been through the things Rebecca has at their hands be told she should try to look at their abuses through their perspective?

    If someone is rude to you on the train they may be having a bad day and it may make sense to try to be compassionate and understanding. But we’re not talking about someone being rude or someone being ignorant or stupid or any of the other frustrating things we all do daily. We’re talking about rape, torture, abuse and murder.

    If you can think of ways of getting through to the johns and making them stop raping and abusing women then you go for it – take a lead and let us know how it’s done. But frankly I think Rebecca has enough to do in dealing with her own feelings without having to take on those of her abusers too.

    She’s human and she’s dealing with a hell I don’t even want to imagine, and now you’re telling her she ought to be a prissy, perfect little miss asking the naughty boys nicely if they wouldn’t mind behaving better. I don’t think so.

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  3. Whoever you are you John, tell your shit the church they are more likely to listen to your crap and don’t insult wimmin here with your patriarchal wimmin hating views

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  4. I never said that it was all men, for that is not something that I believe.
    Instead, it is the choice of the men to buy prostituted women and girls, and therefore make themselves part of the sex trade that is built on violence and degradation. These men can make the choice to not be part of that sex trade, and see the prostituted as full humans, rather than goods to be used and abused.
    No man has the right to own another human for his porn-dreams, that cannot be defended.

    I do not need to empathise with johns, for these are men who are capable of rape, sexual torture and murder.
    They get enough “understanding” from male literature, male research on prostitution, male media, male art- the john and the sex trade uses their power and control to frame that prostitution is harm-free.

    These johns have not just hurt my feeling or insulted – they have raped me, they have sexually tortured me, they have brought to the edge of death.
    Those who have so viciously tortured, do not have to understand their torturers.

    It is more important to re-build their lives and to fight for justice.

    Justice would that no man can buy and sell prostituted women and girls.

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  5. Anon, you are a piece of work and a bully. How dare you speak to Rebecca like that – who the hell do you think you are? Your manner is remarkably arrogant and patronising, and your words are pure venom aimed to belittle and abuse.

    Only the vilest coward would come to the blog of a prostitution survivor, and tell her how she should be feeling and how she should act. Only the vilest coward would say all this evil crap, and then sign themselves off ‘anon.’

    ‘bilious and aggressive, just like feminist anti-porn lit’? I think we’ve hit upon your issue, sweetheart. No fuck off, educated yourself, and get a conscience. You’re not the ‘reasonable man’ who ‘tells it like it is’ to the hysterical ladies who can’t see it as clearly as you.

    You are a bully. You disgust me.

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  6. I strongly wish to comment back to anon, because Rebecca is one of the bravest souls I know. But there isn’t much to say. The comment is unintelligible, the point or points unmade!

    Something in there about men being prostituted, too? Fine — and who uses these men sexually? It’s other men! And who rapes men? Well, usually that’s other men as well. And, finally, something about Rebecca not looking at everything she sees through the perspective of abused men? Wouldn’t it be incredibly, unspeakably nice for once if men who claimed victim status shut up and actually listened to women who’ve been victimized … listened to the point of actually hearing the added layers of oppression that come with being female within a patriarchal system — ?

    What if? Am decidedly not holding my breath.

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  7. Anon apparently knows all about the ‘walking in anothers shoes theory’and finds it a useful enough tool to come on your blog to enlighten you ,Rebecca–but he /she never thought to use the theory himself in regards to understanding your life experiences.Obviously Anon only wants to tell others what they should do –This double standard is obnoxious and arrogant.

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  8. “you write like it frightens you to think like the people who hurt you.” You say that anonymous and you imply that she should be getting in their heads. That is awful behavior, why would you do that to someone? You totally erase the frightening aspects of why that empathy would be hard when you use the general word “hurt” to mask the frightening behavior. Rebecca describes men who do not have any problems with raping, beating or even murdering prostitutes. Men who support a system of (largely) women and girls being abused in the worst ways that a person can _be_ abused and having it happen repeatedly. Over and over and over again traumatizing experiences are dealt out to these prostitutes, many times in their life. Like, where rape becomes _normal._ Learned helplessness kicks in, because duh.

    Empathizing with people who support that is terrifying! I find it sickening and I DON’T have a background of that trauma the way Rebecca does. How dare you come into the space of a woman is talking about _serious systematic traumatic abuses that she personally experienced/experiences_ and say she’s not doing enough to empathize with MURDEROUS RAPIST ABUSIVE Johns. Fuck you. Yes, murders, abusers and rapists are people too with motivations which can be explored, a process which is necessary in targeting johns to change their behavior – but – this is _not_ the time and place for that. That time and place would be somewhere more academic, with more formal processes. Not the writing space of an _abuse survivor._ Do you have any notion of how inappropriate your behavior is? For fucks sake.

    “So far, your writing is bilious and aggressive.” So is yours. Do you not realize this?

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  9. You’re right, Cellycel. This is the writing space of an abuse survivor.

    Just to clarify for you, rmott62, I was not talking about empathy. Still, what was I thinking?! It was a bad comment.

    I am sorry to have posted as if anything else needed to be true, rmott62. Goodbye.

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