Just Ordinary Men

I am not sure whether to write this post, but I am damned sick of being told I do not have understanding of johns. That all I do is condemn them and make them into monsters.

Sorry, from this whore’s point of view, they were never monsters – that would let them off the hook – they were very ordinary men who know they could whatever they wanted to the prostituted women and girl.

To say they were evil, to say they were monsters, to say they were mad – all that is wrong and very convenient.

It is framed as if those johns were exception to the rule – that violence and degradation is just the bad luck of the individual whore.

That lets everyone off the hook.

It lets the sex trade run business as usual, spreading the lie that any violence that becomes public, it is just the fault of some mad man or a prostituted woman or girl making bad choices.

The sex trade makes huge profit in providing sadistic sex and the acting out of porn-dream to millions of ordinary men.

It does by keeping it hidden from the public view.

The sex trade encourages ordinary men to let free their violence and hate on prostituted women and girls – hell, you can charge more for “extras” or men staying longer with the “girls”.

It is a business after all, and a business must make a profit.

It lets the supporters of the sex trade off the hook.

Say it is just a few mad men, just violence out of control, only happens coz of drugs, trafficked women and girls or under-aged prostitutes.

Say it ok if it is hidden from view in brothels, that it should be taxed, should be unionised. Controlled and legalise prostitution, then everything will fine and dandy.

Say it just stigma of the label “prostitute” that is the problem, so give the label “sex worker”, and then by magic they are empowered and liberated women.

Say all this, whilst underneath know you would not want to be in the skin of the prostituted woman.

But, it really lets johns off the hook.

Most johns will not consider themselves  like those mad, violent johns – they are just ordinary men who have brought the prostitute, and she is his property as long as his money last.

I would say the worse thing of being prostituted – is that most johns think buying a prostitute is no big deal. It just like buying a lager or a kebab – just part of male entertainment.

He is entitled to any entertainment he desire.

The fact it is another human he is buying is not an issue.

For through everything he sees, reads, hears and is his background noise – the prostitute is not a full human being, she is just a living porn-doll for his pleasure.

For most johns, using a prostitute is just masturbating into a living person.

But, the sex trade give the john permission to do more than just masturbation. He is given permission to act all his hate, frustration, and  rage at women onto the prostitute.

This mean that violence is the norm in prostitution, and much of this violence is extreme and some of the sickest hard-core porn you can imagine.

Hell, the sex trade gets it profit in allowing such extreme violence that it will not be believed that men are capable of such acts.

So it is keep hidden in plain view.

The frightening thing to know as a prostitute who has lived inside that violence and hate – is that the johns who do that destruction were just ordinary men.

I am sure they watch TV, are good at their work, friendly to their neighbours, good to their families. I am sure they have many interests and views that I may agree with.

Only, I really don’t give a shit.

I think it must expose that prostituted women and girls are raped, sexually tortured and murdered by men who are invisible because they are just ordinary.

It is that being ordinary that scares me.

It is ordinary to have built a society that makes it ok for men to invent a class of women and girls named the prostitute – invent her to pour out all their fury, hate and frustration of women.

It is ordinary to call rape the job of the prostitute, it is ordinary to name beating up a prostitute rough sex or an extra.

It is ordinary to be not care about the murders of prostituted women and girls, it is just the risk of the job.

It is ordinary to pretend not to see street-based prostituted women and girls.

It is ordinary to blame the prostitute for spreading sexual diseases – never say a small point that it the men not using protection or fucking in a dangerous manner.

It is ordinary to big up sleeping with prostitutes, one way of men losing virginity, a great end to a stag-do, just end of another night out, celebrate your team winning or make you better if they lose.

It is ordinary to think it must just sad men that use prostitutes, men who need “servicing”. It is a social service prostitutes do.

It is ordinary to frame high-class prostitutes as happy, with high sex-drive, just doing it to go to college. So she cannot be beaten or raped, it always her choice.

I can go on and on and on.

Prostitution is made ordinary so no john need feel guilt.

He does not rape, he does not batter, he does not torture, he could not murder – but for me and millions of prostituted women and girls it felt like he did.

He is no mad man – he just an ordinary bloke.

That is what should terrify everyone.

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6 responses to “Just Ordinary Men

  1. It’s only normal men who abuse women. If abusing women is normal, and it is, then how could it be any other kind of man who is abusive?

    Men love and need to pretend that only “some deranged, depraved” men do what normal men do, so they aren’t implicated in their own minds. Even when, especially when, they commit the same acts, participate actively or in an armchair sort of way, to the atrocionlyties.

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  2. “He is no mad man – he just an ordinary bloke.

    That is what should terrify everyone.”

    That _is_ what terrifies me! Oh god. I don’t know how related this is, but I’m reminded of these pictures I saw of a lynching where the white people are on the ground smiling and food is being served like it was just a social event, and not someone being killed. I’m sure all the white people in those photos were lovely to their friends and neighbors too.

    I mean, I know thats not prostitution, but I was just reminded because of ordinary folk doing absolutely hideous things.

    Humans are scary.

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  3. It is much easier for society to claim most Johns are ‘nice normal men who just need female company’ and that those Johns who commit sadistic sexualised torture upon prostituted women are ‘deviant monsters.’ In this way society can continue to define Johns as ‘nice ordinary men’ rather than have to recognise and accept that most Johns view prostituted women not as human beings but as men’s sexual service stations.

    By defining violent Johns as ‘isolated incidents’ this excuses male accountability and also perpetuates the myth that men innately need prostituted women because male sexuality is biologically driven and is always in constant need of sexual release via a female body.

    Dehumanising prostituted women enables Johns and the pro-prostitution apologists not to have to face reality – the fact that innumerable men believe it is their innate right to buy prostituted women and girls because this group are not human.

    Of course Johns are ‘nice ordinary men who are viewed by their relatives/family/work colleagues etc as ‘respectable men.’ This is precisely how Johns wish to portray themselves because in their minds they divide all women into those ones who are ‘good’ and the others are dehumanised disposable men’s sexual service stations.

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  4. I’ve met some ‘ordinary’ men who creeped me out totally by their behaviour and a ‘certain something’ but guys who knew them couldn’t understand what I meant when I described how they made me feel.

    Now times that by being ‘bought’ by these men.

    I’ve been sexually harassed by so many ‘ordinary’ men, men who other men would like and view as ‘good guys’. These are the kind of ordinary men you’re talking about, Rebecca. Men who in their daily lives are ‘decent blokes’, ‘one of the lads’, a good work colleague, possibly a good husband/father. And I agree, that’s what’s so terrifying.

    Using women for sex is so ingrained in our society that it IS ordinary men who do it, and it’s ordinary men who demand whatever vile act they want because they’ve bought that woman and she has to do whatever they say. It’s sick and it’s been normalised by our porn culture and that’s why we have to fight it any and every way we can.

    Thank you for writing this piece, it puts far more eloquently than I can the normalisation of abuse and rape in our society.

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  5. Although I agree with everyone who has commented, it is very important to not make it invisible what is done to prostituted women and girls by continually comparing it to rape. It is not just being raped loads of times – it is being into a sub-human who cannot be raped for it is her role.

    I completely believed that sexual violence for all women and girls is done by ordinary men, who think it is normal what they doing.

    But the vast majority of rapists who rape their girlfriend, their wives, their daughters, a work colleague, a niece, and women and girls that they know see them as humans even as they hate them.

    The worse thing of prostitution is that you are raped, sexually tortured, mentally abused and even murdered – and it is never personal. All whores are interchangeable.

    That why so many prostitutes are murdered, for it is consider they were never alive in the first place.
    Being not fully human, they will never be missed.

    It is important to give justice to prostituted women and girls.
    Do not make them invisible.

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