I was born a football fan, I have never lost even when I lost everything else.
In more ways than I express, football has been a lifesaver for me. It has given something to dream about, something that stay stable inside my chaos.
It is so much more than a game to me, I love cricket and rugby, but they are just games to me.
Football was my background music, like my love of music, when all else was hell.
I used both to go to a place where I was not harmed, where I could speak their jargon and be accepted. I went to a place where I pretend I was safe.
So, I went into looking at maps to find Argentina, Spain, Cameroon, Italy, Trinidad – see the team and want to know the country.
I would learn about manipulation through football politics and the uselessness of money.
I would see hate, I would see great friendships of opposites.
I came to know racism at its rawest. I saw the contempt that so many football had for those racists, of how ashamed they were.
I meet many women who understood and loved football, many who played with great skill.
I got used to the constant ignorance of some women that it just a man’s sport, I learnt that is a very English attitude. I learn not to think they were just snobs.
I, like many fans, have no time for pundits, for endless chat from people who don’t have a critical mind, but just say the predictable.
I like football talk to include history, discussions of attitude, saying why is so popular with such a variety of people – not boring chat of manager speak and whether so-and-so is offside.
But I see football more than a game, and part of slow movement and sometimes an art that stay the same and always changes.
Each World Cup give me joy and some despair.
But more it lets my prostituted soul have a break.