I am continually amazed by the ignorance of the intelligent when they know that I am an exited prostituted woman.
I just will not fit their narrow stereotypes, I am such a disappointment.
I was not from care, I was not entering from poverty.
So, it just my imagination that the sex trade trawls for any and all types of girls and women to exploit.
There has always been a huge market to fuck “posh” whores into dirt, often it a damned good excuse to be a sadist. She deserves it, the rich bitch.
Look, she is so privileged, so knock her down.
Hell, if all you see is that I am middle-class, that I had a rich family, that I must just been spoilt and bored – then you see nothing.
You are saying there can no violence, no child abuse, no neglect, no fear in the middle-classes.
You are saying that if I was abused it is of no importance compare to your idea of the “real” prostitute.
But then, I am continually reminded I was not a “real” prostitute because I didn’t work the streets.
My god, I believe that every single prostitute counts – I don’t give a damn if she works the streets, is in a sauna, works in flats, works in clubs, is doing internet sex, inside porn movie, working in hotels and the endless places the sex trade make them work.
They all count, they all feel pain, they all are raped, they all are placed into fear.
They all are just porn-objects to be brought and sold.
Do not separate us out into good and bad whores, do not make their some artificial barrier between indoors and outdoors prostitution.
There sure as hell is not that division in the sex trade. No, they run their business by moving “girls” round all aspects of the sex trade.
As an individual, I work inside clubs, I was put into flats, I worked hotels, I meet johns in pubs, I did the girlfriend experience, I put into porn movies, and did a tiny bit outdoors.
Moving the goods around keeps the prostituted women and girls disoriented, and without the mental and physical energy to even dream of exiting. In that environment, just knowing you are still breathing is a small miracle.
But I am told over and over and over, until my brain may explode or I will sprew up – don’t I know that indoors is so much safer than that working the streets.
No, that is utter bullshit – they are equally dangerous to the prostituted women and girls – it just the violence of indoors prostitution is hidden in plain view, and to frank it made into something trendy or desirable to the non-prostituted.
There is no safety in indoors prostitution – only the choice of the john not to be a sadist, or the choice the sex trade profiteers to choose not sell sexual torture to any man with enough money.
All the other safety precautions are just a band-aid on a cut throat.
Having camera and alarms only work if the management give a damn about the mental and physical welfare of the prostitute.
Condoms only work if the john puts it on, it not much good if the prostitute is too scare of his violence to persuade him to put on the condom.
There no safety from sexual torture, when the prostitute may only to earn a living if she “accepts” whatever porn fantasy the john wants, or the profiteers provide. Her safety is unimportant when clubs, brothels, saunas etc are competing for business by providing more and more dangerous sexual practices – they must stay ahead of the market.
What is safe about being the role of the porn-doll.
Then, there are incredibly stupid things people feel entitle to say to me.
Such as, treating me as some kind of sex guru, asking me about techniques.
I would say as a whore who was mostly tortured and bloody lucky to be alive – I know nothing about the reality of sex, such as communicating with each other, knowing about mutual respect, about finding some joy.
What I know is how to lie dead, but manage to say the right words to not anger the john who fucking me. How to suppressed extreme pain, and somehow smile. How not to be sick, when some john is forcing my body beyond it limits.
I can teach about losing consciousness, and waking into more sexual violence.
I am an expert at numbing my body, and making my mind empty, at ignoring pain as a panicked warning signal – but that is survival, it nothing whatever to do with sex.
Would you have the nerve to ask an incest survivor about sexual techniques.
But, I always forgot prostitution is just about sex, and nothing whatever to with torture or human rights.
I am a pacifist at heart – but if one more so-called intelligent woman asks how to give her boyfriend a blowjob, I may have to carry a gun.
I very sick of people thinking they understand by comparing battery hens to indoors prostitution.
I sorry after many years of being treated as sub-human by johns, the sex trade and excusers of the sex trade – see prostitutes as a full humans with dreams, imagination, ambition, and ability to more than their past.
Being compare to a chicken, is to keep all prostituted women and girls inside the victim role, without a voice so you speak for them instead.
You like the prostitute to stay silent as you describe her life.
Animals are so much easier than humans coz they don’t answer back, and often appear grateful. Animals can have all your humans traits force on them, and that can make it seems like everything is fine.
Prostituted women can do awkward stuff like not being grateful enough when you have “rescue” them, like getting angry at what they have known, like not just getting over the trauma, like not being feminist or p-c enough for you, like not hating all men but hating all men who choose to be violent or consume the sex trade, like having interests you don’t like or approve of.
Darn the prostitute who will not stay in a neat and tidy victim-role – she cannot be patronised.
She is not a chicken, but a very complicated human being – that is so darned awkward.
Most of the stupid things I hear or read, come from people who are in denial that they view prostituted women and girls as sub-humans.
It comes from the attitude that the whore has little or no feelings, so she cannot be insulted or deeply hurt.
She is exotic, she looks humans but her body and mind has been places that should have killed her – the fact she is alive is used to prove she different from normal women.
She is heard – only to re-framed her words to prove it can’t have been that bad, for isn’t she coherent now, isn’t she strong now – so it was sad, but not no real harm was done.
So the exited prostitute is in a double-bind.
She want to change attitudes to the sex trade by exposing the conditions through her own knowledge and experience. She wants to say the reality of what johns are given permission to do – and what society allows the sex trade to get away with.
But to speak her truth, she need to be coherent, to drag out all her inner strength.
The best to convey real horror in a plain way and with a calm rage.
This can look to an outsider who is looking for loopholes to make the sex trade kept going as normal – as little harm was done to the exited prostituted woman.
It is a no-win situation for the exited woman – for if she breaks down in a public arena – the defenders of the sex trade will say this prove she is just mentally ill, but never that it is may be trauma from enduring the sex trade.
I will finish here, coz I bloody drained.