Writing this blog is important – but darn it is exhausting.
I thought I was writing a simple blog, a blog that would used my experiences as an example of what wrong with prostitution.
I was so naive thinking it was simple, the more I write, the more complicated this blog becomes.
And what I thought might happened did. The hate and anger of the pro-sex trade lobby came out to tear down my blog.
All this has made me exhausted, has made me scared, has made have trauma on a scale I could have never imagined.
All this has not made stop my blog – it may of slow me down, it may have made me want to hide – but it has never stop me.
Instead, it has made it very clear to me how huge the hate and anger is coming from those who want to keep the status quo of the sex trade.
I used to think that were naive, that all they needed was being educated about the conditions of the vast majority of those trapped in the sex trade.
I would not say that now – I think many supporters of the sex trade are highly organised, and have endless resources and access to the media.
I am not worry about those who sit on the fence, for I do believe most are naive and uneducated about the realities of the sex trade.
Why would they not be.
They are told that prostitution is just bad sex, but a lot of time can be fun and a high money-earner.
They are told that porn is not real – so cannot hurt the actors.
They are told that the sex trade deals in-house with sadistic johns, under-aged prostitutes and external trafficking.
They are told that most indoors is safe and well-ordered.
Basically the sex trade controls how the public views their industry.
I find it is not hard to get through to most who sit on the fence – once they hear or read the conditions, and take in the effects it has on women and girls in the sex trade – they often see it as a human rights issue.
Just that simple belief is a power surge for all the work I do.
I deeply believe that the majority of people who know the true conditions of the sex trade, find it unbearable that such torture can exist – especially when they know it on their doorstep and everywhere.
But as that belief increases – the hate and rage of those who promote and want to gain from the sex trade grows.
They target everyone who speaks out against the sex trade – but their vicious and sick rage is aimed at women who have exited the sex trade and speak their truths.
They hate us for being alive.
We should have killed ourselves long ago – we should have die of an od, should have cut ours wrists. We should have been a statistic of the far too many murdered women and girls in the sex trade.
We should not be able to speak out – because the horrors we had to endured have pushed us over the edge. Our trauma should be too terrible to find words to fit it. We should speak – and everyone who hears us will dismiss as mad and or delusional.
We are hated because our speech is believed.
It is believed by people from many backgrounds, many beliefs, from having experiences of the sex trade to those who know nothing about it.
We cause an earthquake as we are believed.
We are hated more that my soul can handle for not forgetting.
We were not meant to remember how often, how casually we were sexually tortured, how often we brought to the brink of death – how many women and girls we lost as in that world.
We were not meant to remember how it felt to made sub-human, made to so dead inside we could not feel pain, had no grief – we were to forget that we were just goods.
We are hated that as we speak out we see connections.
We see that nothing in the sex trade is an accident, or some one-off event.
The violence is always planned, the violence is always made to be the fault of the individual whore never that there a huge market for any sadism men can imagine.
We see that it not a world of individual pimps, individual johns, individuals managers, individual madams, individual porn barons, individual profiteers – no, they are all inter-connected. They may complete with each other, but in the end they feed off each other.
In the end, they all make huge profits by having disposable women and girls to be fucked and thrown away.
And they will continue their business by any means – using the media to promote a nice image of themselves.
These profiteers are slowly destroying women and girls to feed their greed.
But because they replace the disappeared women and girls with fresh meat – it appears unimportant.
But exited women who speak out remind of disappearances, the violence, the sexual torturing, the acceptance that it is ok to kill a whore, that under-aged prostitution is a normal, that there is both internal and external trafficking, that PTSD is extreme inside exited women.
The inconvenient truths that the sex trade supporters want to shut us up about.
That is why they want us dead.
And that is why we will live harder.
And speak out louder.