Try to imagine what it is to be embedded inside prostitution, to imagine in solid form what it is to made into goods.
Do not just see as several rapes, do not see it several bad choices – see it as a complete destruction of everything that makes the prostitute human.
She cannot be human – she must be moulded into fuck-goods that can and will used by any and all johns.
That is where your imagination must go – not into the soft places that make prostitution harm-free, not to the places that equates with other violence to women and girls and gives the prostituted no language – no go beyond what you think prostitution is.
Although, I see very clearly that prostitution is part of a continuum of violence done to women and girls – I find that quite a limiting and often patronising way to view what prostitutes have to endured.
I personally find nothing wrong in separating out oppressed groups – giving them the right to find their own language for their lives, the right to say loud and clear the differences, not always having to fit in by being the same.
Allow the voices of the prostituted, especially exited women, to have their own anger, own pain, own grief, own ways of forcing a change, own ways of regaining pleasures, and to speak of how it not just more rapes and more male violence.
Let them speak – hear hard without placing you life on top to drown their voices out.
Imagine the freedom of being able to speak out after made into goods, goods that convince you that you are nothing.
Wouldn’t you want to scream down a mountain range.
As an exited prostitute, I am continually told what my reality was. The more I remembered and feel my past, the more others want to control how I should remember it.
It may be to keep me in the victim-role, it may be to say over and over it could have never have been that violent or callous, it may be to tell me to hate or care about men more, it may be to define my experiences like “normal” rape not sexual torture.
I was controlled in every cell of my body and mind when I was prostituted – I am damned if I will be controlled now, even by those who wish me well.
I will not be made malleable goods again.
I will not be your victim-whore, your brave exited woman, your once a prostitute always a prostitute, your damaged goods – I will speak out on my terms, and hopefully then make connections and hit on some truths.
I am angry at being told, well actually educated, that prostitution is just bad sex, just many rapes.
Well, on a very superficial level that is kind of true.
Sure, most prostituted women and girls are raped – raped beyond counting, raped beyond the human mind being able to understand what is happening, raped until she is nothing but goods.
In that world, it impossible for the prostitute to name that as rape.
And out of that world , I still am very uncomfortable with the word rape.
Rape is often done to an individual by someone who they remember their face, rape is often rare in the individual women’s life.
Prostituted women and girls have too faces to remember, they all become one. There is nothing rare about sexual violence in their world.
It so common it is all that they are.
How can a prostitute named that as rape or even abuse, when she feels and knows she just there to be holes and hands for any and all men that has brought her.
That is not rape – that is being goods to be fucked.
I do not call that rape – I call it sexual torture, I called destruction of the human essence, I called robbery of access to human rights – I call it rape on a scale that beyond your imagination.
Just don’t give clichés comparing most rapes with prostitution.
Hear why exited women cannot connect with that language.
Imagine being made into goods that is whatever porn men can imagine.
Imagine that, and you somewhere near what it is prostituted.
Imagine that and place it into indoors prostitution, and you are somewhere near what this blog is screaming about.
I will speak here of being the “good” whore, the whore who knows how to survive whilst all the time wanting to die.
To be able to survive indoors prostitution, you must override all instincts that tells you men could be dangerous.
As goods, your job is to please those men. It no matter if you want to run out the room, no matter if your instinct is to be sick or fight back, no matter what pain and humiliation he puts into you, and no matter that you have forgotten who you really are.
You are goods – he has brought you for his perfect porn-fuck, so you better be good.
Be good at pleasing, if you want to have a small degree of safety and some hope it will over and done with as quickly as his money runs out.
I know I learnt to read men before they enter the room.
I knew that kept me relatively safe, often save my life.
I had to be whatever porn-role they wanted before they had spoken.
The good whore will be doing his will, making him have the illusion she can read his mind.
This is survival – but of the sex trade and johns say it the art of the whore, that she is manipulating him, shows she is in control and therefore must be happy.
No, it is done to avoid as much violence as possible, to not be murdered or sexually tortured to the point where you forget you are alive, to have a tiny piece of pride in such a sick situation.
The prostitute can never control the amount of violence that the johns uses – she can just try by pleasing him, maybe make him see her long enough not to destroy her.
She must make herself into goods – for being too human would put too much terror into her.
This post is very hard to write – and is all over the place. I may end here for now, and retreat back to sports.
Just imagine beyond what you think it is to be prostituted – imagine that voice of silence that cannot stop screaming in rage, grief and pain.
Hear that voice – and you are on the way to hearing the prostituted.