I started this blog as a bet to myself. I thought it may last for three posts.
I never thought I had that much to write.
I never thought my experience would be heard or believed.
And I was afraid that no-one really give a damn about seeing prostituted women and girls as humans – only as stereotypes and roles to fit their views.
But, I been writing since January 2008, and the more I write the more it seems like a bottomless pit.
I now know I have an impact.
An impact to make others see and think beyond narrow stereotypes of what and who a prostitute is.
She could be working on the street, she may be in a hotel, she may be in the house next door to you, she may be in a car, she may be in a brothel, she may look like a girlfriend – she is everywhere, but too many people make her nowhere.
She may be addicted to drugs, she may never take drugs, she may have been abuse as a child, she may have been very happy at home, she may be poor, middle-class or rich, she may be a runaway or homeless, she may be struck inside domestic violence, she may be forced into prostitution, she may of started it to rebel and find herself trapped – every time, you think you have pinned down the prostitute, think the opposite, both will be right.
I have an impact because I can remember the violence and degradation.
Most exited women forget or cannot find a language to fit that time.
I use this blog to discover a language – not the language of rape, not the language of domestic violence.
Use some of the language of human rights, some of the language of being enslaved, some of the language of the torture – but somehow, somewhere there must be a language unique to the prostituted.
A language that for most of its history was not written down, was often made to be cut away from conscious thinking.
It the screaming of those trapped so long, and banned from hope for so long – that their words are ignored and ridiculed until silence is all that is left.
Words have taken over by pimps and johns.
Most language describing what is to be prostituted is in their language.
Since the beginning of images and written history, prostitution have shown as the choice of the woman, that she is in control, that there may be many bad things that happen to her, but she is tough or will learn to adapt.
In the language of pimps and johns – any bad that happens, whether it is girls being prostituted, whether it is mass internal and external trafficking, whether it is sadism that is deeply damaging or killing the prostitute – all that is just bad luck, or a prostitute who is not that good at her job.
It should not reflect the sex trade as a whole.
Hell, the opposite is true.
I and other exited women know the violence and degradation is the bedrock of the riches of the sex trade.
We know times that there is no violence and degradation are rare, and seen as pathetic by most profiteers and johns.
Speaking that truth has an impact – it enrages those who benefit from keeping the status quo of the sex trade.
They do everything and anything to silence exited women who speak out.
They ridicule us, they claimed we are so mentally damaged how could anyone take our word, they say we were just sad cases, but it no reflection on the vast majority of the sex trade, they say if we were abused before entering the sex trade, we cannot know if it was good sex or not, they say it must have been illegal where we work, like the johns give a shit whether it is legal or not, they claim sympathy for those trafficked (if between countries, not internal trafficking) and under-aged prostitutes, but say all other prostitutes have freely chosen it.
It is a language of that would say the North Pole has tropical summers, that the moon is made of cheese.
A language that thinks by shouting loud enough, it can make all the violence and degradation invisible.
But inconvenient exited women will keep writing and speaking of the hell that is the sex trade.
Once, they get the freedom to speak out, nothing can shut them up, and the more they speak out the more they give other exited women the courage to say their truths.
The sex trade hates us – but that is coz they know we have a huge impact.
For when our words are heard and believed, it make others want and need to stop that a whole class of women and girls are made sub-human to feed a male want to dominate and destroy.
Knowing beyond academic theory, beyond some documentary that has detachment – knowing by hearing and listening to exited women.
Hearing into the blood and guts of being made into goods to fucked so many times – that the only way to be is the living dead.
Hearing it not sex, but a living with the fear of sexual torture, of being made into living porn.
Hearing that we had no human rights, only the brainwashing that told us that we cared for.
I cannot believe I am in the place, where I write these words.
They can scare me.
For I know they have an impact.