I have been in great despair this year. From despair, I have held hands with the realities of the terrors that I had to live through.
This has made me want to make a real change – a change not just of myself, but a change to force some real difference to stop the sex trade.
It may seem an impossible task.
Hasn’t the sex trade been ignoring voices of resistance from exited women for over 3000 years.
Hasn’t the sex trade the sex trade more money than the arms trade.
Hasn’t supporters of the sex trade always search for the Happy Hooker, and push away all words and images of violence and degradation.
It is that that is against anyone who speak the sex trade – especially exited women.
But I cannot let that stop me.
Not whilst I have in my body and mind the knowledge of the discarded women and girls.
The prostituted women and girls raped so often, with such efficiently that she loses words to fit her experience. She cannot named it as rape, not even abuse – just that is the only role she can be.
I feel I need a change. A change in language.
Do not speak of rape – don’t even say multiple rape. That is not very close.
Speak inside the language of torture – torture repeated and so regular, that survival is to be the living dead.
Read survivors of concentration camps, read words of soldiers in unwinnable wars – read of places where humans are trapped and made to act like it really doesn’t matter.
Read of the places where torturers want the tortured to smile, to be grateful that they are just about alive.
Maybe then you are beginning to understand what it is to be in the sex trade.
Speak in the language of human rights – some so basis that you may not even notice you have them.
I have heard of the freedom of speech – hell, when I in the middle of the sex trade that was a privilege I could not even imagine.
How could I when I like millions of women and girls in the sex trade did not have freedom of thought, freedom of movement, freedom of having safety or freedom to be a full human.
How can we when our bodies and minds are owned and controlled by the johns and profiteers of the sex trade.
How can you have human rights when you made into disposable fuck-goods.
Humans rights are a dream for women and girls trapped in the sex trade.
So, I fight maybe to my death to get humans right seen as the major priority when exposing the sex trade.
It not about the sadness of individual case studies, it is not a cultural discussion, it is not even a class issue – it is a stripping away of the right to be full human to any women or girl trapped in the sex trade.
God – if I had my way the UN peacekeepers would raiding all brothels, closing down hard-core porn sets, stopping massage parlours, helping women and girls off the streets – for it be would considered an international crisis.
But that is not going to happen, especially as the vast majority of violence and degradation done to women and girls in the sex trade is made invisible.
This is where my rage and fear needs a real change.
I see all around me that the sex trade is being pushed indoors – being made invisible.
I must fight harder, I must have others to fight harder with me.
Know there is nothing safer about indoors prostitution – only, it is easier for the propaganda machine of the sex trade to say it is safe, and respectful to the girls that they “employ”.
Just because you don’t see sexual torture, mass rapes, being forced into porn and murders does not mean it does not exist.
I could shut my eyes, and say that my laptop doesn’t exist – but that is bullshit.
I am so sick of the double standards that condemn domestic violence, child abuse in the home and acquaintance rape – seeing how horrific male violence can be to the innocent women and girls.
But behind closed doors – and a woman or girl is labelled whore, prostitute, escort, porn-star, lap-dancer – those same rapes and battering, and usually much much worse, is made into her choice, she must be to blame for making the man get so carried away.
After all, doesn’t the whore do it over and over and over, not just with one individual man but any and all men.
And, by christ, she smiles and appears happy.
When I speak of incest, it is acceptable to say the child adapts and may even love her abuser.
I am used to women speaking of love/hate in domestic violence, of how hard it is to make a real break from that violence.
But women and girls in the sex trade are not allow complex feelings – remember they not fully human.
If they smile, or act happy, even boost the male ego – it could not be a way of surviving and trying out of desperation to lessen the violence.
It could not be that they have been trapped so long in sexual torture and degradation – that the only role they know is to be happy even when close to death, in constant pain and terror.
No, it is easier to say she has chosen her lifestyle.
The change has to come.
A change that does not focus on the woman or girl – but is on the john and the profiteers of the sex trade.
We should say loudly and with unity that any man that makes the choice to buy a prostituted woman and girl in putting his money into a system that is build on the sexual torturing, mass raping, mental abusing and murdering of a whole class named as the Whore.
I don’t care if he is gentle, or thinks he is decent – he is part of the worse crimes ever invented, if he chooses to own another human just for his sexual wants.
I am so full if rage and grief when I think of the profiteers.
They are making their fortunes by allowing millions of women and girls to be raped so often that they lose any essence.
They know of murders and do nothing, only replace with another fuckable goods.
They see money when they could see injuries, STDs, fear, asking to leave.
They speak of protecting their girls – whilst on their watch johns rape with abandon, bashing ups are covered up with make-up or dark lighting.
These profiteers should be rotting in prison – not living off the blood, terror and deaths of a whole class named Whore.
I want a change.
I do not know how to get there – but I can only move to that change.