Mental Block

I have writing this blog for a long time, and often I think enough is enough. But always something is there to remind me, that the sex trade is infecting everything I care deeply about.

It is then, I get a mental block. That is the simple way of putting it.

It is no blockage, it is the severe grief.

It is no blockage, it a rage that is so strong it loses all words.

It is no blockage, it is a terror of the pain re-entering my body.

That is why I am writing less recently.

I have learned the hard way, I am not a writing machine.

I am so used to ignoring pain, dismissing fear, damping down anger and never allowing in grief.

I have lived a life where all those emotions were dangerous. I made myself into a machine, and occasionally noticed I may have been a human.

Now, if you or anyone think that being inside the sex trade is relatively harm-free –  than view me as an example of the vast majority prostituted women and girls had to be.

For those of you, who think or want prostitution to just be about sex with money. Then view the machine I was.

Think of times you had unwanted sex, sex that made you uncomfortable but you didn’t think you know you could say no to, sex to keep the peace, sex that you thought was your duty.

Sex that was unwanted – but your mind had problems with the label rape or abuse.

That is a small part of getting somewhere close to prostitution – it is never the same, but it is related.

Looking from the outside in, many women and some men would say in a firm voice that women and girls in the sex trade are raped multiple times – often in the hundreds or even more times.

Looking from the outside in, that would be labelled sexual torture on a mass scale.

Looking from the outside in, it should clear to everyone prepare to see that this sexual torture is never about the individual prostitute, individual woman inside porn, or even individual user or profiteer of the sex trade. No, it is sexual, mental and physical that is institutionalised.

It is the structure of the sex trade that must be attacked – do not let it off the hook by always focusing on “sad” individuals, or looking for empowered individuals.

As an exited prostituted, I know when I was raped, I was raped as a whore, and I no human traits to that john or that manager selling me. My rapes were never personal, I was just the whore in that room, if I wasn’t there, another prostituted woman or girl would have been the same to those bastards.

Any whore will do – for in the minds of johns and profiteers all whores are the same. They have no personality, no faces worth remembering, no past, no future, no thoughts outside being a fuck-object – she is nothing but holes to be fucked, mouths to suck dicks, hands to harden the penis and a body to move in porn positions.

Any whore will do – any whore can be beaten, any whore can be tied up, any whore can be threatened and then told it only a joke, any whore will be rape for it not ever real rape, any whore will be filmed as life-threatening sexual acts are put in her, any whore can be gang-raped, any whore will take anal sex – for all whores don’t matter, they are just trash.

So, when comparing unwanted sex that you can’t name as rape with the sex trade – know the difference is more the scale, it is that the sex trade is structured to allowed unwanted sex  to become the role that is forced into its goods.

Looking  from the inside out, it is almost impossible for women and girls inside the sex trade to name it as sexual torture, as violation of their human rights, as rape, as abuse – even as unwanted sex. Instead, the deeper embedded she is in the sex trade, they more she has to believe she choose it, it gives some semblance of power and freedom.

Looking from the inside out – how can it be remembered that it is sexual violence, when the rapes, physical violence and torturing are so common, that the machine steps in and kills all feelings of pain. When survival is achieved, by killing all emotions, by becoming the role that doesn’t give a damn what dangers the body and mind is put in. Nothing matters – because nothing really happened.

Looking from the inside out – what chance does the woman and girl inside the sex trade have when everywhere she is told she wants it, that whores are all sex-crazy and controlling of men, that she just a victim who cannot ever escape, that it really just liberating and fun, that she must be confused coz of child abuse, that if she doing it indoors she will be safe or at least safer, that violence is rare or a mistake, that she can walk out any time – that is the endless brainwashing from the profiteers, from the consumers and from all societies that turn a blind eye to hate and degradation that is the backbone of the sex trade.

From the inside out – I say now with hindsight how can you see you are trapped and survive. Isn’t it better to make an imagined world of being free and safe – and just block as many sexual torturing as possible.

That is how to survive the sex trade.

Only in reality – if a user or profiteer of the sex trade makes the choice to wipe the prostituted woman or girl from this world, there is nothing she can do about it. In other words, no blocking out, no making yourself believe you have a safest working environment, no thinking you have power over men – can prevent the user or profiteer choice to rape, prevent them from beating her up severely, can prevent extreme unsafe sexual acts or practices, or can prevent the choice of the profiteers and johns to murder her.

That is why we must fight to place the blame firmly on the users and profiteers of the sex trade.

We must decriminalised prostituted women and girls – and give them real exiting schemes, which for me must have specialised long-term therapy for PTSD.

But most important, we should stop the focus on the “choices” of prostituted women and girls – and talk and confront the choices of men that use the sex trade, the choices of all those who profit from the sex trade.

No-one is forcing any man to use a prostitute, he makes that choice. His choice is put money in an institution that all sexual torture to be its norm, that makes women and girls into goods, into fuck-goods.

No-one forces anyone to produce porn – to make money from sexual degradation sexual terror and hate of women and girls, to get profits from throwaway women and girls, to get rich by creating rape-fantasy.

No-one forces any man to consume porn – to wank to real rape, real sexual torturing, to get your sexual kicks from destruction of women and girls.

Why do we make so many excuses  for the users and profiteers of the sex trade – but never give the women and girls in the sex trade any space to be full humans?

Could it be that in reality, a great many liberal-thinking people just believe all women and girls in the sex trade are sub-humans, so why bother with them.

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3 responses to “Mental Block

  1. I don’t know anyone could read your blog and not feel great anger toward the sex industry.
    And it is getting worse. People are paying attention now because the abuse you and other women have experienced is now hitting the “mainstream”…
    That’s when people notice but never is the question asked “What makes MEN think they are ‘entitled’ to sex, how ever they want it?” Because that is the crux of the problem; that men who buy women buy women because they just want to get their rocks off without having to relate to a human being. They are pathetic, lazy and extremely selfish. It’s all about their dicks… Peace out. xox

    Like

  2. Rebecca, I posted this to Facebook. Your writing just gets deeper and richer. This:

    “Looking from the inside out, it is almost impossible for women and girls inside the sex trade to name it as sexual torture, as violation of their human rights, as rape, as abuse – even as unwanted sex. Instead, the deeper embedded she is in the sex trade, they more she has to believe she choose it, it gives some semblance of power and freedom.

    “Looking from the inside out – how can it be remembered that it is sexual violence, when the rapes, physical violence and torturing are so common, that the machine steps in and kills all feelings of pain. When survival is achieved, by killing all emotions, by becoming the role that doesn’t give a damn what dangers the body and mind is put in. Nothing matters – because nothing really happened.

    “Looking from the inside out – what chance does the woman and girl inside the sex trade have when everywhere she is told she wants it, that whores are all sex-crazy and controlling of men, that she just a victim who cannot ever escape, that it really just liberating and fun, that she must be confused coz of child abuse, that if she doing it indoors she will be safe or at least safer, that violence is rare or a mistake, that she can walk out any time – that is the endless brainwashing from the profiteers, from the consumers and from all societies that turn a blind eye to hate and degradation that is the backbone of the sex trade.”

    Is just excellent. Love and respect,

    Heart

    Like

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