I want to write some of my views of johns who went into me – leaving damage behind and then disappearing.
For them, it was nothing, nothing but wanking into a living being.
For me, it is poison that follows me every day.
Johns have a million and one excuses for their behaviour – everything but the truth, that they have chosen to buy another human being to be owned and controlled thoroughly.
They make her a living porn-doll, that is the bottom line in all prostitution – and that is the most unspoken to outsiders.
A common ploy by johns is to act the victim. This takes many guises, but it always a lie.
There is the johns who will do violence onto the body and mind of the prostitute – and then make out that she manipulated him to show that side of himself.
He not the sort of man who is not violent to women, but whores just push his buttons.
These men often say sorry, and carry on raping or using violence.
But more often, they want the prostitute to say sorry to him. Sorry she made him do such disgusting sexual acts, sorry she got in the way of his fury, sorry she did not prevent him torturing her, sorry that her very presence meant he had to degrade her.
These johns are highly dangerous, for they will never take responsibility for any of their actions.
It can always be justified by knowing any violence or degradation would not be done to “real” women, only to whores – so it is of no importance.
There are johns who make the claim they are only there coz their mates pushed them into it – normally, they wouldn’t dream of paying for sex.
But they must not show themselves up, they must act like a real man and fuck a whore.
I have been alone with these johns – and often in the back of mind, far back, there is a part of me hoping we could just chat or do nothing until the time is up.
We are alone, no-one would know if he has fucked or not. I always hoped to be left alone.
But always these johns would fuck – more often in a rage at betraying themselves – that rage was my injuries, that rage was my terror.
Those johns were cowards, but I always knew to soothe their egos.
There were the johns who were or said they were virgins – dreaming in porn that fucking a whore is the route to being a man.
With luck, these johns were too self-obsessed to notice if it was a mechanical act made as fast as possible.
Without luck, they were crap at technique, putting more and more pain into my cunt.
Without luck, these “virgins” would find they just love it, and to fuck and fuck and fuck, forgetting there was a living body underneath them. They love it so much – the power, the full control of another human, the lack of morals and rules – that they would very fast learn to be as violent as they can to the prostitute.
Many whores are terrified of first-timers, for they are often loose cannons.
Then there are the johns who are “honest” about their contempt about whores. Honest that they buy prostitutes to humiliate them, to have power over them – honest that they want to be sadistic.
These johns are often the cash-cows of the sex industry.
Often men who have proven to be dangerous criminals are welcomed by the profiteers of the sex trade.
Prostituted women and girls who inside the sex trade long-term, will no rights to say no to these johns. To survive, it has to be learnt to be dead inside, to act as if nothing matters.
To feel the pain, to show the terror, to fight for basis rights in that environment can not only be pointless – but can and will increased the danger.
These johns are often proud of how much pain they can put into the whore’s body – waiting for her to cry or to show outward signs of terror.
I, like millions of prostituted women and girls, learnt never to cry, never to acknowledge pain, never to show I existed.
These johns tortured as a fine art – hell, many of them considered themselves to superior beings. They were painting terror into our minds and bodies.
It was funny to these johns if in terror a whore wet herself, it was funny to sexually torture her in places not designed for fucking, it was funny if she fainted or even stopped breathing – hell, he just having a laugh, these whores have no sense of humour.
These johns forced orgasms into the whore, and then made out how she is sex-crazy.
These johns did all you can see inside hard-core and may think is impossible to do to a living human – well, whores know hard-core porn from the inside out, and know how the human body can survive hell.
These johns pick on whores, for they know society does not give a damn. Put it indoors, say it is well paid – put up the lie it a free choice of the prostitute to be there – and we have made a society that gives free rein to sadistic johns.
It become not rape, but a business exchange. It become not battering, but s/m or rough sex.
Most important, it become invisible if the john has enough cash and power.
These are a few, tip of the iceberg, examples of johns.
For me, to write is to write through grief, pain and sickness. As I know it was nothing to all those bastards that put poison into me.
I write, for we must force johns to be responsible for the hell they put prostituted women and girls into.
They least they could do is to be fined, I would prefer they went to prison.
We must stop men buying prostitutes, if there is to be any hope.