I was triggered last night – triggered to beyond being sick.
I was triggered by suggestions that if more prostituted women and girls fought back and kill their abusers, then men would be too frighten to use the sex trade.
It is a good fantasy – but I prefer to show the reality for the majority of prostituted women and girls that try to defend themselves.
I prefer to speak of what happen to me when I try to defend myself.
I prefer to speak of the power structure inside the sex trade that makes most fighting back futile.
Yes, I know Aileen Wuornos killed some johns – but the reason we know of her is because she is very rare and it was in quite unique circumstances. Even with her – there was no happy ending , just misunderstanding and execution.
I want to write how and why I triggered last night.
I do not believe violence is a solution, not the prostituted have no control or no rights to safety. The only solution is to stripped all of the entitlement to have the prostituted class.
Most prostituted women and girls will be in many situations where they would want to kill the johns, want to murder the profiteers, even want to destroy the people who walk on by ignoring the violence and degradation that is the sex trade.
I had times when I wanted to put pillows on the heads on the men who were torturing me, times I wanted a gun to kill the managers who put in the room with those bastards, times I fantasies that set fire to the buildings that appear so normal as hell went on and on and on.
These thoughts give me the strength to survive – but they never fitted in with my real life.
I was inside a system that made most physical resistance into a joke and often lead to worse treatment.
When a prostitute reminds johns or profiteers that she is fully human – that is smashed down and she forced back into being fuckable goods.
Let’s me speak of time I acted outside the victim-box, and try to defend myself. I will speak of the consequences on my body and mind for standing for myself.
I do not write this to be personal, I write this with deep sorrow and some anger – that the simple answer of prostituted women and girls should fight back is endangering many inside the sex trade.
Look carefully at the power structure that most prostituted women and girls are trapped inside.
Prostituted women and girls are not considered to have human rights – they are goods to be made into whatever porn fantasy the men can imagine.
When a prostituted woman or girls is brought or sold, she is made into a slave – her rights have no relevance, her safety just depends on the whims of those who have brought and sold her.
In that environment, resistance is more often than not futile.
In this power structure, many profiteers or johns may allow some feisty behaviour or some porn images of the strong whore. But this is allowed as long it stay inside their control.
I sometimes would fight back.
I would put pillows on the heads of some johns who hurt me too much. I try to strangle one john who kept locking the door. I held a knife to some throats. I screamed and yelled. I even hit one bastard with a brick.
But, it was a joke to the johns and profiteers, my desperation to regain some pride and to live.
Johns would allow me to have my violence. Knowing that so much had destroy within me, that I would never the strength to do them much harm. They let me burn myself out.
Then carry on torturing me like nothing much had happened.
Or worse they laughed at my fighting back, making it fit inside yet another porn fantasy.
I remember putting a pillow on one john’s head – I remember he let me imagine I had some portion of power.
Only to push me off, laughing at me and then getting revenge by anally raping till I give up all hope.
I remember fighting so hard to get some pride, I remember thinking I was strong as I hit out – and I also remember that the johns just watched and waited, knowing I was just their toy.
I was given the freedom of a mouse surrounded by five cats.
But worse than the johns, was the games that the profiteers played with my wanting to fight back.
They would give me enough rope to hang myself, then I was often punished.
Punishment inside the sex trade teaching you very fast not to fight back, it teaches you to close down even thoughts of resistance.
Profiteers can and will move troublesome whores to other parts of the country, where she knows no-one and will be made disoriented.
Profiteers can and will make troublesome whores go with johns who are extremely sadistic, so she remembers her place.
Profiteers can and will rape her, beat her and mentally destroy her for stepping out of line.
Profiteers will have no problem with killing the whore if she too much of a pain – there plenty more from where she comes from.
This is not an environment that makes fighting back much of a reality.
I was sent into highly sadistic sex, including hours of gang-rapes, being forced to re-enacted the latest hard-core porn fashion, having to endured lines of men fucking me till I lost who I was – if my manager even thought I had a little remains of pride.
I was moved to different cities, to different locations, so I could not remember what I was, only the role I had to be.
I fucked so often, I lost how to sleep, how to eat and how to be inside the real world – how do you fight back in that state.
I want women to stop fantasies about prostituted women and girls fighting back – without knowing the details of why it often impossible for them to do that.
Being a prostituted women and girls is dangerous enough – please do not give the johns and profiteers yet another reason to destroy them.
It is easy from the outside to say fight back.
But if a woman lives with a partner who highly likely to murder her – would say fight back to her, when the likelihood may be the man could kill her for resisting.
Prostituted women and girls are not just trapped by one man, they are trapped by hundreds of johns, trapped by many profiteers, trapped in a society that turn a blind eye to any violence done to them, trapped by the multi-billions dollars institution that mould them into being nothing but living porn-goods.
To say that the individual prostituted woman or girl has the power to seriously resist – is a very dangerous fantasy.
No, go for the root of the problem – not the surface that is the prostituted women and girls.
To make real change – we must fight on every levels to make that no man can ever buy or sell the prostituted class.
We need to that prostitution is thoroughly destroyed – that no woman or girl can ever be owned just for some man wanting a living body to masturbate into.
We need to see the power structure making that the vast majority of prostituted women and girls can never as individuals destroy the sex trade. They need all those who say they hate the sex trade – to prove by at least fighting for the Nordic System.