It is a refrain that is constantly said to women survivors of every type of male violence to them. In this post and this blog, I choose to focus on that ignorant remark when continually said to survivors of the sex trade.
Ain’t you over it, yet.
No – we are not. Here are some of the millions of reasons we are still hurting, still full of anger, still not got access to justice, still treated as sub-humans, still have body memories, still grieving as we see how large the sex trade still is.
We not over it – that is not our problem, it is your’s for dismissing our realities.
How do you get over surviving, often years, of being made nothing but sexual goods.
Think what it means to be made sexual goods – think hard and long enough to be inside our skins – then have the nerve to tell us to just over it.
Being made into sexual goods is to be available for every punter, every porn consumer to see and use your body as his personal fuck-toy.
There is little fun element to this.
Imagine having every hole in your body – not just the parts you consider to be sexual – are rammed, are fisted, are stuffed with objects, are bitten, and so much more till it becomes the unspeakable.
Imagine that oral sex is not fun or done with respect – no, it done to drown you, done to be chocked you, you may be sick, done until you lose consciousness.
Imagine that anal is not just adventurous sex with someone you trust – no it is with speed and hate, done to make you bleed, done till you get small heart attacks.
Imagine that gang-raping is not a rarity – but it part of your role in life, that it is always there as background noise as punishment or to get enough money to live on.
Imagine that – then tell us to just get over it.
What stops us in our tracks of just getting over it, is not just what happened to us, but the attitude surrounding our day-to-day lives that all that hate and violence is of little importance when it happened to women inside the sex trade.
It might matter if they are under-aged, as long they have left before their 16th birthday. It may matter if the women are externally trafficked – but only if it thoroughly proven they are not economic migrants or is proven they have been utterly brutalised.
But usually our realities are dismissed, for it decided without asking us, that we had chosen our lifestyle, that we have amazing high tolerance to pain, that what appears to be degrading is fun to us.
We are some kind of unique women that want to be sexually and mentally tortured, coz we just love servicing men.
I so sick of having violence to women inside the sex trade continually made into entertainment, made to have the veneer that the women that do are just bad girls having fun.
When you read of gang-raping of a woman in a park or by a canal, you are horrified and fight for justice.
Where that fight for women inside porn being gang-raped take after take, where is the fight for women in brothels or clubs being gang-raped as a favour to the boss.
Do really you think women inside the sex trade enjoy being gang-raped – or do not think they have been brutalised and mentally abused for so long, that all is left is to paint on a smile as the gang-rapes will not stop.
Also, the reality of the sex trade is that it is non-stop rape – a gang-rape whether one man at a time or many men at once.
To adapt to the sex trade, is to adapt to not getting over one rape – of not having the luxury of shock, of not attending to your injuries, of not having someone who will listen to your pain – none of that, just more rapists wanting to be inside you.
You tell how you just get over that.
But, what amazes me is how brilliantly that most women who have exited the sex trade do adapt to the world outside the sex trade.
We often find great joy in life – many of us have touched death many times, have known great women and girls who did get the chance to live long enough to exit. Knowing death, sure as hell makes you love life.
We often have come out and become powerful campaigners and truth-sayers of why the sex trade must be erased. Our voice do not forget the pain of what the profiteers and consumers of the sex trade did to our bodies and minds, we are not araid to show our grief that so many women and girls are getting destroyed by the sex trade now.
We have re-built our lives without often little or no resources, and all too often a refusal to acknowledge that we could be hurting.
We have learnt to understand the rules of the world outside the sex trade with only our determination guiding us.
But still we put down as victims or treated as the token exited woman.
Still we have to live with being treated as less than human.
We are not allowed to be complex, we cannot stray too far away from our past, we must not enjoy life too much coz then that proves somehow that it was no big deal being inside the sex trade.
Well, I say being able to laugh, to enjoy your own passions – that is not forgetting the pain and grief, that is having the strength of will and endurance to live with that shadow, and still live to the maximum.
We have not just got over it – but by god, we have learnt how great life is.