That statement is one of the hardest things to say. It is harder to believe, harder to feel inside my skin.
It is hard – but it may be the most important thing that I can express on every level – be that personal, be that political, be that spiritual, or be that just the plain fact.
I am not and was never a sex worker.
I was not just someone who as an individual fall into the sex trade.
I was not inside a system that was independent of being an institution, and did not abuse on an organised and calculated scale.
That is why it must be defined as being prostituted, not the clever brainwashing of the term sex worker.
Sex worker places all the blame on the individual woman if there is violence and or degradation.
It her fault for not being organised enough and aware enough to make a union to protect herself.
In what universe, would unions be there for the dignity and utter protection of the women inside the sex trade.
Would the unions stop the brutality – or would it be framed as extras, as the role of her job.
Would rapes be named as rapes – or just the usual business exchange that is part and parcel of this liberating work.
Unions inside the sex trade are always to benefit of the managers/pimps and or punters – it is facade to say it about the physical and mental welfare of the women and girls inside the sex trade.
Sorry, I mention girls, of course an unionised sex trade would pretend there no under-aged prostituted girls. No matter that will a huge market for girls, no matter that the vast majority of the women inside the sex trade enter when they under 15 – if the sex trade said there little or no under-aged prostitution, then their word is gospel.
Like in this idealised world, trafficking is stopped because kind-hearted punters report all suspicious activities.
God, I love the naivety that imagined that the average punter gives a damned about the mental and physical welfare of the prostitute he is fucking; gives a damn if the woman in his porn is being mentally, sexually and physically tortured; whether the street prostitute he gets cheap is on the edge of death – they don’t care, as they masturbate alone or into a living object.
So what make anyone think the average punter would care if a woman or girl is trafficked or not. Personally, I think the only time a punter acts the “good guy” is to save his own skin when he thinks his “secret” activities may get exposed.
Christ – I was fucked when I had obvious marks from brutalised rapes, from bashing ups, from strangulation. It was seen, even with some so-called sympathy or made into a sick joke. But, I never remember it stops any punter from getting his money worth.
I was fucked when I so thin, I found breathing painful – nothing stops punters once they set their mind to their role.
There is no such thing as the decent punter – for a real man would not ever buy another human being just for his selfish sexual wants.
It is never a need – it always just an utter selfish want, and more often than not a feeble excuse to pour violence and hate into another human labelled the prostitute.
I so sick of the excuses.
Men used the prostituted coz they lonely – poor little lambs.
Cannot make the effort and commitment to get to know others as full humans – just as holes and places that be paid to boost their egos.
Maybe their attitude that other humans are there to be used and conquered, means that they are “lonely” coz they are fundamentally nasty people. But, being egotistical bastards they blame everyone else, and make out they are some kind of victim.
These punter are going to pour all their rage into the prostituted – and usually walk back into the world outside the sex trade with the image of the decent fella.
There the common guilt-trip argument that some punters have to use the sex trade coz of some mental and or physical disability.
There is no searching for holistic ways to give back the disabled their sexuality, no acknowledgement that a great deal of the disabled find and discover their own ways to recapture their own sexuality.
No, the sex trade see a market and bulldozed it way in. It sees the disabled as a cash-cow, nothing more or less.
But playing on liberal guilt that the disabled as made other and often cut away, rather than seen as equals – the sex trade claims to a social service by providing willing whores to be open mouths and holes for the disabled who can pay.
It is using one oppressed group to oppressed another oppressed group – with the profiteers of the sex trade laughing all the way to the bank.
Wow, I been away from writing – I was afraid of this rage inside me.
But then as an exited prostituted woman – how can I not have rage, especially as it is drowning in grief, and a determination to end the sex trade before there is more genocide of the prostituted women and girls.
I hate that the tortures, murders and mental abuse to the women and girls inside the sex trade is so common, so part of the fabric of everyday life – that it only reported when it seen as a serial killer.
Every day, almost every second of every day – women and girls inside the sex trade are being gang-raped; being murdered; being brainwashed to think their only role to be holes for men to fuck or view; being made to forget that they have an essence, are made to do sexual acts that can kill and will disgust them but must smile; and endless other ways to mentally, sexually and physically torture the women and girls until they become the ideal whore.
This is made invisible by the sex trade – and by those on the left, who named it as sex work.
There is the pretense that if there is violence and or degradation – it always underground and obviously outside legitimate sex trade providers.
All the sex trade is overground, for the market is the priority, so to getting as many punters and consumers as possible is the main purpose.
The sex trade will follow the money, and so will provide any and all porn fantasies possible. Sometimes it will hidden from the public gaze, but never from the punters and or consumers.
Most punters and consumers are lazy – so if they can find the dodgy, sadistic, under-aged, trafficked end of the sex trade – so can the law enforcers and those who claim to care about the welfare of the prostituted.
But, if you ignore it hard enough, it doesn’t exist – just pretend the torturing is just fiction.
This is exhausting – I shall watch 20/20 cricket, so important and not important. A great distraction from why I call myself an exited prostituted woman.