True Heroes

I have thinking about how under extreme provocation that the vast majority of the prostituted class have throughout history remain non-violent.

This is clear as every time a prostituted woman or girl dares to react to being made into sexual goods, to often being constantly sexually tortured – with violence, there is sensationalism and general male panic.

It is rare enough to be the stuff of male myth – the myth of the vengeful and obviously mentally ill whore that kills punters and profiteers.

I deeply believe in non-violence – but I question every day why so few of the prostituted class kill, beat up or put pillows on the heads of the men that are making them into trash.

I know when I was prostituted I often had many murderous thoughts in my head.

I wanted to put pillows on their heads, I wanted rip their dicks off, I wanted them to know just a tiny bit of the pain and degradation that was my life.

More I wanted so much to kill or torture the men that who were making a profit out my hell.

Those “bodyguards” who sat outside the door listening to clear rape, clear beatings up, clear sexual torturing – and doing nothing to protect me or any other whore, but getting money for such fine bodyguards.

Those managers who made great profits by putting me with known sadistic punters, putting me into gang rapes, getting more from filming my degradation.

I wanted to kill those men that made money off me – but kept their hands clean.

Those men made me goods, made me sub-humans – I hate them all.

But even when I had a few opportunities to be violent – I did the real heroic act of knowing by being non-violent, I would always keep a part of myself that they could never owned or control.

The part they desperately wanted to annihilate – the part that was stronger than they could ever imagine.

Call it a soul, call it an essence, call it warrior spirit – call it what you will – but know no punter and no profiteer can reach and destroy that part of me.

It is inside so many of the prostituted class – it the part of them that form them into indomitable heroes.

It does not prevent the sadism, it cannot save the prostituted from punters or profiteers who make the choice to murder them.

It is not a magical spell.

But it is a place that is private, a place that deaden the pain to make it survivable – and it is a place that store the mighty fury.

To be violent with most punters or profiteers would be pointless, and more than likely lead to more sadism or murders done to the prostituted.

Being violent lead to the prostituted being overpowered and usually laugh at.

Many are “allowed” to have limited violence or anger – only to be punished by being move into more sadistic aspects of the sex trade.

I soon learnt to not be angry as gang rapes were a tool of punishment. I learnt through double anal rape, through rape as all holes in my body were destroyed.

That is very effective silencing and discouragement to fight back.

But in those depths of hell – that is when true heroism comes out.

It is in the stubborn determination to live, to find some way to exit – and if lucky enough to exit to not just to remember, but to speak out of the conditions of the sex trade – speak so loud and clear so there must be real change.

That is what I call true heroism – and I know of many exited women who are heroes all the time.

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One response to “True Heroes

  1. Rebecca, I don’t think I’ve ever said it but you’re a hero of mine. I should have said it, I think I just took it too much for granted to think it worth mentioning. And it’s not about the fact that you didn’t return violence for violence, it’s more fundamental than that. You survived. You survived things I can’t even imagine, that I’m not sure I could cope with imagining. You came through it as a woman with PTSD but also as a woman who fights – not just for yourself although that’s heroic enough, but who fights for other prostituted women too. I admire you more than I can possibly say. We don’t agree on everything, I know that, but I admire your strength and your courage and your voice. You’re one of my heroes along with people like Nelson Mandela and Andrea Dworkin.

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