A driving force that makes this blog is a fury – a fury that burns under my skin, a fury that makes me restless, a fury that goes still after writing.
It is a fury of seeing and knowing the world has little space for exited women who shout out against the sex trade.
We are acknowledged, but rarely fully heard – only as an example or some afterthought to the wrongs of the sex trade.
Our voices are framed as whatever stereotype suit the views of what it is to be a prostitute, to be inside porn, to be a stripper, to be an under-aged prostitute, to be inside a brothel, to be an escort and on and on and on.
We must fit preconceived views or statistics, or we don’t exist.
Do you think every battered woman is a stereotype? Every incest survivor has the same background? Every date rape is for the same reason? I doubt it.
But women and girls inside the sex trade are given narrow reasons for being there, don’t fit that and be ignored.
I am told over and over and over that women inside the sex trade were abused as children, usually by their families or in an institution.
This may true for a large percentage of women in the sex trade – but there are also women trapped inside the sex trade who were not abused as children, some who even come from happy families.
Looking at whether the individual woman was previously abused or not – is a brilliant way to avoid the elephant in the room.
That the punters and profiteers of the sex trade don’t know or care anything about her individual background – but buy and sell whatever her background, buy and sell her whatever her mental state, buy and sell her because they see her as vulnerable and therefore easy to manipulate.
The background of the individual woman means nothing to her – for to them she is not a real woman, she is just goods to be brought and sold.
I am angry at the assumption that poverty is often seen as the only reason that women and girls enter the sex trade.
Of course, this is true for the vast majority inside the sex trade – but again not all.
Some who focus on the issue of female poverty, use this as an excuse to say that being inside the sex trade is just a job, and raises women above poverty.
If it is a job – then it is one where serial rape is a work hazard, then it is one that being smashed into a pulp is a work hazard, and where the end of the “job” is either having extreme trauma – or death by “accident” from severe violence, death by suicide, or death by murder.
If it is a job – then it work that you must detach your mind from fear, detach your mind from pain, detach your mind from that you have any real existence.
If it is a job that raises women above poverty – how come the vast majority of women and girls inside the sex trade have little or no money.
Their money is stolen by pimps and punters, their money is taken in pointless fines, there is no money when you only just alive after the endless rapes and beating ups – there are multiple ways to make sure women and girls in the sex trade stay in poverty, and continue to be trapped in the hell of the sex trade.
Oh, if you care so much about female poverty – then do something like fighting for equal pay in all work, fight for women to have more power in business and politics – just don’t use it as an excuse to say the sex trade is ok.
To end, the thing that makes me the most mad – the wanting that exited women show more emotions and are more grateful when being helped.
Often, there is the expression – “I’m a good person, so why don’t you trust me?”
Think just a little, and you may see the answer.
Why do assume that any women who has been inside the sex trade should trust anyone, why would she take your word without testing you?
Think that to be inside the sex trade is to be in an environment where most speak good words, act like good people – only to smashed her down into hell when she has a small piece of trust.
Most women and girls inside the sex trade have to survive by building up mental boundaries that closes out the ability to trust.
To have trust inside the sex trade can be a death sentence.
Now, you say “trust me” – you put yourself and your needs above that of the exited woman.
Be more humble – and reach out by letting her show her fury, reach out by allowing to say she hates you and all that you stand for, reach out by letting put all her hurt out in your hearing.
Then maybe trust can begin.
I cannot write, I am so drained.