2011 has been a year where I have discovered how to have emotions, this is terrifying, but it is a wonderful start to finding how to be a true and full human.
One big event this year was the Slutwalks that spread like a virus for a few months, then quieted down when the weather got cold.
I hope beyond hope it was just a craze, but that type of fun-feminism was everywhere in 2011, especially when trying to have serious debates about porn and prostitution.
Fun-feminism is the handmaiden of the profiteers of the sex trade – for their message is that being inside the sex trade is just work, it will be empowering for women, that porn is an issue of freedom of speech for the users and producers of porn, that prostitution is ok if it is put indoors and made legitimate – that the only reason problem is that others shame women inside the sex trade.
There is no talk of human rights, no talk of male violence to the women inside the sex trade, no talk of how most prostituted women started before they were 15, no talk of being made sub-humans, no talk of any previous violence done to women inside the sex trade – there is no talk that it is all about profit and making women into disposable goods.
This is the background to Slutwalks, this is why there is no placed for the prostituted or exited women on these marches.
I can never or forgive that it was stated “Being a Slut is whether it is for pleasure or for work”
“For work” is their weak way of including women inside the sex trade. It is ok coz it is just work, so we mustn’t worry too much about any violence too much, for it can solved by putting in unions and having safer working conditions.
That is so naive, or just a conscious choice not to care.
Violence is endemic in all aspects of the sex trade, degradation is the norm for the vast majority of women and girls in all aspects of the sex trade.
That is not work – that is a form of slavery.
We should be marching to end this slavery – not to put in alarms, not to put it behind closed doors – we don’t need to tidy it up, we need to fight to abolish every aspect of the sex trade.
A major concern of mine in 2011 has been how language is used to silenced exited women who fight for abolition.
Sex work is used everywhere to make it sounds as if prostitution and other aspects of the sex trade are relatively non-violent and a good career for women.
Sex work is used by the general media instead of prostituted women – coz then the listener or reader will think it might be a little bad, but more than likely it a woman’s free choice and in the long run (very long run) it could be empowering to her, or at the very least solve her immediate problems.
This use of language is crafted by the profiteers of the sex trade for it keeps the focus on the prostituted and away from the male violence from consumers and profiteers of the sex trade.
2011 as I said is the beginning of finding that I have emotions.
I have very sick this year, have felt I was losing it when in reality I coming back into being fully human.
This year I have felt a deeper grief than I could imagine.
I am grieving all that was stolen from me, grieving having to live as the living dead in order to survive, grieving that I was so lost for so long.
My grief is huge, it has only just begun.
I have touch a fury that fuels all my work.
With fury, I find it easy to ignore and never publish those who try to normalise the sex trade, and to make out it just something that has always been with us, so will always be there.
With fury, I can look with a forensic eye at how and why it was and is acceptable to torture women and girls inside the sex trade – and this is made invisible, it also made into a non-event.
With fury, I see a multi-billions dollars sex trade business is seen as just entertainment and a bit of fun – as every moment of every day is committing genocide against the prostituted class.
And I am letting the terror that was buried in order to escape the sex trade.
Now, all the tortures put into my body and mind come out through body memories – it is agonising but it is also a gift to know my own truth.
That is a very shortened version of my 2011.
I will only go forward – thanks everyone who have supported me.