It is Legitimate, That is the Problem

A common way to silence activist exited women is to say very loud that all that happened to them was illegal, was run by criminals, and must have been underground.

This is mainly untrue – but it is used as a weapon to create the myth that there is good prostitution – where the women are respected, where there is very little violence, and where all the prostituted can come and go without any intimidation.

The most terrible thing about most indoors prostitution is that it is legitimate, and considered an acceptable place for men to get rid of negative porn dreams.

It will never be underground, for prostitution is about profit first – so it must always be easily available to as many punters as possible.

Know this, know inside every cell of your – prostitution is never about sex, never about real and full communication, never about respect, never about seeing the prostituted as fully human.

That is just propaganda of the pro-sex trade lobby to pretend that parts of prostitution can be made acceptable – so it can then be made legitimate.

Being made legitimate will mean it will be put behind firmly closed doors – behind those doors any violence can and does happen, for now it is legitimate, who needs to intervene.

So why be surprised that all those who will gain by keeping the sex trade will fight to say it legitimate and just part of adult entertainment industry.

No surprise, that each time an exited woman is courageous enough to say the horrific conditions she existed in – the tortures and gang rapes were her norm, there was constant stealing of her money, the constant bashing ups, the strangulations, the constant pushing of the latest hard-core porn inside her body.

It is no surprise the multiple voices of pro-sex trade screamed – “It must have been illegal”.

They are desperate for it to be illegal, desperate that it must have been underground – outside the nice, clean and safe world of legitimate indoors prostitution.

Well sorry, I am in contact with many survivors of indoors prostitution – all were raped, all were beaten, all lost sense of who they were, all believed they could have been murdered, all knew prostituted women and girls disappeared all the time – none worked underground or in illegal establishments.

Most brothels are very easy to find, and do not hide what they are – most provide the punters with access to sadistic and porn-fuelled sex, most do not take any care how violent the punter is if he pays enough, most treat the prostituted as disposal goods.

Brothels are completely legitimate.

Escorting is not underground – it is in most newspapers, it is struck inside phone boxes, it is made glam on TV, films and books, it is on the net – it is simple for any punter to access.

Escorting is highly legitimate – considered as a clean, private and safe way for men to fuck without consequence.

Escorting promote the myth of being classy fun – if there is violence, it just s/m games. If there is unsafe sex, it coz the prostitute gets more money and trusts the punter. It all just an equal business exchange, that’s all.

That is all just propaganda, and highly dangerous propaganda too. Those myths are putting escorts in danger every minute of every day.

For when a punter makes the choice to buy an escort, he knows he will getting a whore – he knows he owns her, he knows he can be as violent as he wants to her, he knows it will not be a crime just a customer using his goods – he knows she is sub-human, so he is in total control.

There is nothing clean and safe about being an escort – only the hope that the punter is not too violent, and is not rich enough to owned you for too long.

Please don’t go the half-measure by attempting to make prostitution more legitimate.

As you waste time and energy – there will prostituted women and girls being sexually tortured, getting raped on an industrialised scale, being beaten into a pulp, and getting murdered so much that it is non-news being so common.

We must wipe out prostitution – if there is to be any hope for the prostituted.

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16 responses to “It is Legitimate, That is the Problem

  1. There is no difference between $50 or $5,000, in a tiny bed sit or flash hotel, it is still slavery. Whether the health department declares it ‘safe’ or is targeted by a Vice Squad, it is still trading women and girls as goods. Sometimes, I think people want it, dream of it being ‘safe’, ‘fun’ or ’empowering’ is because they do not think it will ever happen to them… Again brilliant post x

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  2. Every time I read an article in the paper about how dangerous prostitution is, there is always the quotes from people…usually counselors or sex trade “spokespersons” doing hobby prostitution…how much safer prostitution would be if it was legalized and put indoors. Since reading your blog this part of the articles especially turns my stomach, especially since there is never any counterpoint provided to that view.

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  3. Re RJ’s words:
    there is always the quotes from people…usually counselors or sex trade “spokespersons” doing hobby prostitution…how much safer prostitution would be if it was legalized and put indoors.

    I think if a bunch of us exited women got together and formed a virtual international network, we could amplify our voices. We could challenge the hobbyists — prove that they’re hobbyists through simple questions and answers.

    We cold support each other in our activism, and as a group request that we be given leadership positions within the abolitionist movement and all the prostitution ‘care’ and antitrafficking organizations.

    THe hobbyists won’t stand up to scutiny. If the public saw us, heard our voices, they’d see through the sex industry’s charade.

    I’m interested in forming a virtual network of survivors and exited women — for activism and camaraderie and support.

    Profound social change will only happen if the public sees us, hears our stories.

    As a group we’d be in a better position to demand a platform.

    There simply are no exited women who worked for 3, 7, 10, 15 years in prostitution saying that they think it would be great if only there was legalization. The only people doing this are pimps or hobbyists.

    If anyone thinks this is a good idea, I’d love to be in contact. http://www.stellamarr.com

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  4. i read all your e-mails. You are doing a great service in exposing prostitution.
    I believe all women prostitute themselves . what for me is un fortunate is that we haven’t called it what it is: Misogyny, plain and simple coming out of the power of patriarchy whiter it is prostitution in or out of the streets, incept, wife abuse, rape during war in all countries,etc., it is still misogyny. Until females of all ages realize and accept this and decide to support each other and not be completive your blog will go on and on, and so will protitution, rape, etc.,etc.,etc.,

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  5. Ruthie – it is very important separate out different aspects of male violence, even when it is interconnected. One way that parts of feminism silences and excludes exited and prostituted women, is by lumping all male violence together – and usually placing the violence inside the sex trade as an appendix. This often means excludes the voices of exited women, because it is inconvenient to this theory. For me and other exited, it is important to separate out the conditions of the sex trade – and find our own language to explain it – I think separatism can be vital for the oppressed, to give them self-respect and strength. It is separatism for all the time – for as I said all male violence is interconnected. But I am sick of exited women being told they must always put other women before themselves.

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  6. Rebecca, I so agree with you. I too have felt excluded and silenced. The nordic model is already in place in several countries. So we know it’s possible. And profound social change about how people see prostitutes is also possible — leading to a better world — societies more like Norway, Iceland or Sweden — is possible. But only if the general public begins to see women in prostitution as people. If they saw us as people, the ridiculousness of legal brothels would become a lot more obvious in terms of what it means to prostituted women. The public is a lot more likely to change their thinking on prostitution if they feel connected to a survior’s story. Which is why I’m so passionate about building an activist network of exited survivors. To strengthen our voice. I’m also passionate about the fact that we should have leadership roles within the abolitionist movement.

    I agree we need to have our own language — one that can both empower us and help the public see the nightmare of what prostitution is. Help them ‘get it’ immediately.

    I’m also sick of exited women being told they must always put other women before themselves. It can feel like yet another power trip, yet another marginalization.

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  7. This is so brilliant:
    This often means excludes the voices of exited women, because it is inconvenient to this theory. For me and other exited, it is important to separate out the conditions of the sex trade – and find our own language to explain it – I think separatism can be vital for the oppressed, to give them self-respect and strength.

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  8. “Most brothels are very easy to find, and do not hide what they are – most provide the punters with access to sadistic and porn-fuelled sex, most do not take any care how violent the punter is if he pays enough, most treat the prostituted as disposal goods.

    Brothels are completely legitimate.

    Escorting is not underground – it is in most newspapers, it is struck inside phone boxes, it is made glam on TV, films and books, it is on the net – it is simple for any punter to access.”

    i never understood why supporters of the sex trade always make it sound like the sex trade is so “underground”. just about every male uses the sex industry in some way: uses porn, goes to strip joints, hires strippers for their bachelor parties (it’s a fucking tradition, in fact), visits brothels, etc. etc. and as you said, our mainstream media pretty much promotes the sex industry in movies, tv shows, music, books celebrities (the “leaked” sex tapes), ad nauseum. it is pretty much being pounded into the heads of every young woman that being in the sex trade is self-esteem boosting (due to all the male attention), empowering, and a great paying job. hardly anyone i know knows about the realities of the sex trade and the damage it does to the women. completely oblivious… all they know are the lies from the media and a society that accepts this crap as “boys will be boys”… it is just mere fun, no harm done… “red-blooded” males having fun with a bunch of nymphomaniacs who are getting paid for what they love doing. i have the sex trade shoved in my face all the freaking time and if i speak out against it, well, guess who is not legitimate? me and anyone else who dares question any of this. anyway, i’ll stop ranting.

    “I think if a bunch of us exited women got together and formed a virtual international network, we could amplify our voices. We could challenge the hobbyists — prove that they’re hobbyists through simple questions and answers.”

    Stella, i have never been in the sex trade, but i am *dying* to see this network happen. there seems to be quite a few anti-prostitution groups cropping up here and there, but some of them seem to die out (or at least their websites are no longer active or in existence) or not really get anywhere and their efforts are always drowned out by the sex trade supporters. i think if they had been better networked with other groups so that they could have supported each other, they might still be real active. an international network would be so hard to ignore. it would be powerful. fighting the sex trade is something i’m very passionate about and i would love to be involved in any network you start up.

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  9. just to clarify, when i said ‘“red-blooded” males having fun with a bunch of nymphomaniacs who are getting paid for what they love doing’, i’m being sarcastic… this is not what i think, but this is what a lot of the general public thinks about prostitutes… that they’re just women with huge sex drives. it makes me want to scream!

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  10. Re: this is what a lot of the general public thinks about prostitutes… that they’re just women with huge sex drives

    I agree — and this is reinforced by sex industry marketing and activism. The sex industry offers up fetishized caricatures of prostituted women — you know, dominatrixes dressed in leather bringing their riding crop into a courtroom, madams pretending to be prostituted going on about how much they ‘love’ their Johns —

    We could change this.

    Thanks again for all the encouragement. 🙂

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  11. I visualize a flat non-hierarchical network — where we vote on issues, and everyone has a voice. We’d support each other’s activism and make it easier for other survivors to speak out. And of course — our concern would be focused on making things better for the women still in prostitution and for survivors worldwide.

    We’d be like a group of sisters. Which we already are.

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  12. Hi, Stella. I remember you from a comment thread on Feministe, when Hexy banned me. Nice to see you again!

    Hi, Rebecca. I’ll read through your archives this winter. Thanks for writing!

    Like

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