Often as an exited woman, I am told and praised for my courage.
My natural reaction is to deny it – to run away from the words – to reject that it is courage, but just some kind of force to survive, surrounded by pure luck that I was never killed.
But that is my fear doing the talking, the fear of what I had to be and do to get to where I now.
The fear of knowing I do my work through trauma – trauma that is body memories of sickness and pain, trauma that make rest very hard, trauma that replays the reason I know what I write in this blog.
That is courage.
To write to the pain, write to the reality of being tortured, write to the grief, write to find lost memory.
I know I am not alone in this courage – it is a force that is driving forward many brilliant exited women. I would highly recommend you find and read as many exited women as you can.
Let our voices be your guide to how to build an abolitionist movement, let ours truths destroy all the lies spread by the sex trade – and let our compassion and desire to made fully human again be your beacon.
We have a courage that makes us go forward, even as we know and have known the utter horror and darkness – we are determined to speak out and fight for permanent change.
Now I will use the personal to explore the courage of an exited woman.
Know that when I write or speak out, I do so with trauma, with the ghosts of my past, with knowledge of the many centuries that the prostituted have been abandoned, I do so with the knowledge that now in this moment the prostituted are being tortured and killed.
It takes great courage to write with and through that knowledge.
But courage is needed so much when my truths, my work, my words are made invisible, are made into trash, and often picked apart for proof I must be a liar or mentally deluded by those who want to keep the status quo of the sex trade.
I need courage to surround as sex trade lobbyists will gaslight me, will say I must be a liar for that violence is not possible, will tell me I do understand my own reality, will want to work for them (like it my major ambition to be a sex slave again).
Yes, I have fear as this pimp and punter language is used to silenced and destroyed me.
But courage is knowing the reality of terror.
I know those who attacked and any other exited woman who speaks out are not just random trolls – but mostly those who benefit mainly by profit or being a punter, in keeping prostitution widely available.
Yes, that knowledge makes the fear solid and clear – it a reality the sex trade profiteers and punters would have no conscious about mentally destroying an exited woman – and would physically destroy her if they got the opportunity.
The language of the pimp and punter is used to remind every exited woman that she is just sub-human, she should be their girl/goods that has no mind or will – just to be obedient.
An exited woman is hated for breaking her chains, she is hated for having her own mind, she is hated for not being dead.
That amount of hate is beyond reason – and it takes a huge amount of courage to keep speaking out in the face of this hate.
That is a courage is so vast that most would never touch.
I write to courage, and to praise my fellow exited women.
Please support us as much as you can – and be aware that we speak with hate and fear as our shadows.