Many years ago I was told I had a horse-spirit.
To very honest, I still had very little understanding of the deep meaning of that – but a certain aspect hits home with me.
That is that my horse-spirit cannot and will not be tied in, it will run away rather than been imprisoned.
My horse-spirit demands freedom and the ability to roam in spirit, with her mind, and never again to be tethered into hate and violence.
It is my horse-spirit that pushing this blog forward.
It pushes it forward when the hate-speech of the pro-sex lobby demands my silence.
As they gas-light me, as they lie about the realities of indoors prostitution, as they push forward the myth of the Happy Hooker – as they threaten me inside their honey words.
My horse-spirit begins to kick out, to rear in anger and despair, she sweats with rage.
I feel the power of freedom as my attackers speak in their pimp-language.
With a power from knowing how they had imprisoned my free spirit – I see the pro-sex trade lobby for what they are.
They are not sad and lonely trolls, they are just misinformed or misguided about the realities of indoors, they are rarely if ever women who are prostituted – they are not innocent.
I know who they are – and in that knowledge I stand my ground.
I know most if not all of those who attack exited women that speak out are pimps, punters or others who benefit from the status quo of putting prostitution indoors.
My horse-spirit carries this knowledge and smashing down with my words to stamp them out.
My horse-spirit see with a clear eye the punters who write to shut me up.
These are the men that say – “I have a friend who is a punter – he is a decent man.”
They say – “I see sex workers as my friend – sometimes we don’t even have sex.”
They say – “Not all men are violent – god, you just hate men don’t you.”
They say – “We need a release – stop rape don’t it?”
These punters say many words, many feeble excuses, many justifications, many bigging themselves up. These punters are boring and deeply repetitive.
These punters are damned lucky I no interest in them, else my horse-spirit would rear up and crash down on them with its hooves.
Each time a punter makes the choice to write to me and to other exited women, he is making the wrong and very stupid choice.
I know punters want to believe that we are still that sex object they could manipulate and destroy. I know punters believe that all prostituted women and girls should know their place – that place being fucked until they don’t know whether they are alive or dead.
We are no longer their sex toys – no, we have changed and now in anger and grief we can turn on to punters – now, inside memory and some fear we can tear apart all the justifications, excuses and lies that punters live by.
It is part of my horse-spirit running towards the wide open plains of real freedom.
I stand and face those punters who dare invade my work of being an abolitionist.
I do not have to nice with men who have made the choice to buy other humans for their sexual greed and wants.
I do not have to believe that men who are capable of buying the prostituted will not be violent to the prostitute, will not rape the prostitute, will not kill the prostitute – I know just buying another human is an act of violence in itself.
I will and do censor all the whining voices, the threatening voices, the “I’m just a nice guy” voices – all those tedious voices of punters are very easy to recognise and send straight into spam.
Punters hate exited women for we are uncontrollable – we are wild horses that will kill their voices.
This blog and my work elsewhere is under fairly relentless attacks from pimps – or as they see themselves business folks, independent escorts who just happened to own brothels or escorting firms, and any other word that does not say “pimp”.
But my horse-spirit sees through all their honey or threatening words, see the mechanisms of pimp-language, see their desire to control and manipulate me, see their ability to push my buttons into self-hate.
My horse-spirit knows these pimps are more than trying to silence exited women, these pimps used their language to wipe us not just from writing and speaking out – but their purpose is to wipe us off the face of earth.
I want all those who believe these attackers are just trolls, just a nasty individual – to know and take on board that is what the sex trade wants you to believe.
These attacks are highly organised, these attacks are funded and planned by the sex trade profiteers.
They have the money, the time and the power to be as patient, as relentless, as cruel as they like.
These pimps know how to gas-light, how to manipulate, how to make themselves look like the victim, how to be vicious and then say it just a game.
These pimps will say exited women are too damaged to know their own truths, they bring out for display the Happy Hooker, they will say it is safer indoors, they will use the language of unions and empowerment.
These pimps have learnt the language of feminism and the Left, and will used that to emotionally blackmail.
Learn to see through their lies, their manipulation of your good will. Stop being a sucker for the pimps.
Do not be fooled that it is safer indoors – just use your imagination and be that prostitute who shut in a room alone with a punter/punters.
Imagine the isolation, imagine that the only people around are either being prostituted or are there to stop you from leaving.
Imagine the fear, fear of never knowing if the punter will be sadistic or just want straight sex.
Imagine the pain – pain as sexual violence is repeated over and over and over and over in your body, and all you can do is act as if you are happy.
How can it ever safe indoors when the punter is paying to own and control the prostitute?
But the pimps voices will find any weakness in you to say it just entertainment, just sex work, just part of male leisure.
My horse-spirit wants to run to the hills as you choose to believe the pimps, and dismiss the words of exited women.
See pimps as the liars that they are, and with exited women challenge their power until it is destroyed.
My horse-spirit must rest now.
But never stop believing in exited women.