Asking for help after exiting the sex trade is scary – it is terrifying to admit that you can be that vulnerable, and cannot do it on your own.
What I learnt in prostitution was no-one cared whether I lived or died, no-one cared how much damage and poison was put in my body and mind – or least on-one cared enough to do anything practical to drag me out of that world.
I learnt that I was invisible, that if I was seen it was never as a full human being.
I learnt through pain, through hitting brick walls too often, through learning to grow silent and silenced – I learnt the hard way not to even expect others to help me.
I exited prostitution through sheer will power – the desire not to die, the discovery that there was more to life than the sex trade, the building-up of a concept of some future.
I drag myself away from being prostituted – I cut myself off from the places and people who were that world.
Hell I run to another city, I lost all my friends and nearly lost my family.
I run without money, left all my possessions, was homeless – I run into more danger, but I was at the beginning of making myself free.
I was in hell for at least three years after running – but there was a seed of finding I could be human coming into my heart.
For I was still being raped, I was still going to men’s flats rather than the hostel or b’n’b I was meant to be in – I was still in the head of a prostitute.
I still thought my only worth was to give my body to any man, that it did not matter if he hated me, if he did not see me, if he did not say the word prostitute but throw me away anyhow.
Only I could not be that prostitute any more – there was a rebellion inside of me.
I felt it was rape, I know it was abuse – I had the language of a free woman, not the language of the sex slave.
I had no idea what to do, was confused that I could not cut off the pain, confused how furious it made me.
I wanted to kill the men – kill them with a rage that was their individual act of violence, but a build-up of being a sex toy since I was six.
Anger does free you – anger is the beginning of seeing and knowing your own truths.
Only it very painful, and for the prostituted is full of gaps and silences – anger is sometimes just a cover for deep grief.
That anger is still deep in me – but now it more targeted and is often a very calm rage.
I am not angry at the world, I do not rage against all men any more – and more important, my rage is getting less and less turn into self-hatred.
My rage is targeted on those who wilfully ignored or allow the genocide of the prostituted class.
I rage against each and every man who makes the choice to buy or consume the prostituted class.
He does that without regard to whether she has been raped many times before; regardless of how much violence is used on her to make her a sex object for his use; regardless that she is human, he makes her into goods so he can have no conscious as he tortures her.
I rage at each and every sex trade profiteer, man or woman.
They sell the prostituted out sheer greed and sadism; they make the prostituted into non-human goods to be easier move from one aspect of the sex trade to another; profiteers will brainwashed her into submission, will use physical violence to control, will offer her up to business partners/”friends” for free goes as punishment.
I rage at each and every so-called feminist who called it sex work.
They give themselves the image that the sex trade must be liberating and empowering to women, just small changes in the conditions; they push for indoors prostitution in the false belief it is safer and can be made women-friendly; they think they should not judge the prostituted – but would not like to be in the position of having men queuing up to rape them, would not do it unless all punters were clean and non-violent.
I rage at each and every leftist who make excuses for the continuance of the sex trade, or said it is ok for left-wing men and women, but bad when the right consume the sex trade.
They make heroes of men that brutally raped, tortured and murdered the prostituted class, for if they have done even the smallest leftist action they can be pass off as letting off steam with prostituted class; they say porn is fine if owned and controlled by leftist businessmen, men who may hate women and children, but do write cool leftist satire; they think using indoors prostitution is fine – just put in fake unions run by pimps and punters, have inefficient safety precautions, make the prostitutes have health checks but not the punters, that would be a violation of their human rights, and ignore any violence that is all around you.
This rage fuels all that I do in my writing and speeches – all the time I think I said or written enough, the rage and grief gives me more.
It the grief that makes me reach out for help, for a sense of a community.
I know my exited Sisters are with me, I know what amazing work they are doing, I know how they continue through their own grief, pain and anger – I know how they continue as trauma shadowed them.
My exited Sisters will always fight for a better world for all of the prostituted class – we have been there, we want to stop the flood of women and girls going into the hells we have known and survived.
But we cannot build a world stripped of the sex trade without the help of many as possible.
It would be wonderful if men who want to end the sex trade would confront their male friends, relatives and colleagues on their use of the sex trade.
Make it clear that consuming porn is not harm-free – point out it is real torture and real rape: point out that most of the women inside the porn have raped many times usually since childhood; point out that free mainstream porn is so violent that most women last round 3 years maximum, and to survive porn it is normal to take drugs or alcohol; point out that there real injuries both internal and external, and many have long-term STDs through doing porn.
Question your mates going to lap-dancing club or buying strippers for a stag-do.
This is not harmless fun – the women are touched up, have objects thrown at them: the women are often forced to do extras from a blowjob to full-blown sex: there is no freedom for the women when surrounded by drunken men seeing her as their sex toy, no freedom for her when she can get a living wage if she does extras.
Question your male friends who go say to Thailand or Amsterdam.
Ask them if they saw any culture outside the red-light district; makes them explain why paying for sex abroad is ok, when is bad at home; ask them if they cared the age of the prostitute, about her injuries or dead eyes, if her pimp were a big presence; ask them to justify their actions.
Think hard how many men you know are using prostitutes.
Think of each and every Friday and Saturday, how many men think it their entitlement to round off their night out by buying a whore; think how easy it for any man anywhere to click on his computer and buy an escort; think how the buying of the prostitute is made so easy and secret that your best mate or even your brother could torturing a prostitute, and then walk out as a decent bloke you would not even question.
I would love if non-prostituted women who fight for abolition did more to support exited women.
I know and deeply that many of you do masses and more than anyone would expect of you for the prostituted class – I love that you believe in real change and are often doing very practical work to be foundations for abolition.
I am very proud of everything you do – and most of my suggestions or ideas are not aimed at the women who giving so much.
This is aimed at women who want to support exited women, and are unsure of what can be done.
Please send comments and read as many blogs by exited women as possible, pleases support Survivors Connect, that does amazing work at having some of the most powerful works by exited women.
But be directed by reading these words – speak in the language of human rights, say words like torture, industrialised rape, genocide, sex trade etc. Do not use the language of labour.
Considered that exited women should be in leadership roles in all actions, writings and conferences about the sex trade, especially if it about ways to progress to abolition. Do not be over-reliant on academia or other forms of outsider research.
Know if you put your faith and trust into giving exited women this leadership role, this will a high risk for them. Exited women are targeted by the sex trade lobby – but not in just a political sense. We are mentally abused to make us turn to suicide or become the robot that we were as a prostitute.
Most of the sex trade lobby have been or are now pimps or punters – these are people with a proven history of physical, sexual and violence to the prostituted class.
They view us sub-human, as girls that are being disobedient – in that mind-set the sex trade lobby have no conscious about completely destroying the prostituted class.
They want us dead or so mentally ill no-one will ever believe us.
We must be punished for not being their property any more.
In that environment, it would be wise to be careful about having computer wars with the sex trade lobby – most who do these wars have the privilege position of being seen as human by the sex trade – so it will just be a war of words for them.
But it does affect the prostituted in real life, whether exited or not.
The pimps and punters that are the foundations of the sex trade lobby will place their hate and anger on the bodies and minds of the prostituted class.
I suppose they would do this for any feeble excuse – but I hate knowing that small computer wars are giving them more “reasons” to rape, brainwash, harass, beat up and murder the prostituted class.
I suppose all I can say is think whether it worth fighting with people who will never changed their minds – or is it more useful to prove the good of your work by practical actions that transform the lives of the prostituted.
For me, I have always thought it is the small things that change the lives for the prostituted or exited women.
It is signing petitions that help improve their lives; it is being open to listen and hear an exited woman, without comparing with your life or closing her down; it is speaking up against the push for indoors prostitution; it is questioning words like ho or slut; it is opening your mind to any man could be a consumer of the sex trade, and don’t say I like him so I won’t believe it of him.
The most important thing to do for exited women is to believe what seems unbelievable, allow yourself to know and feel the unbearable that was their norm – do not turn away and say it is too much.
You are just hearing the surface, the censored version that exited women are able to tell you. You did not live that unbearable.
To turn away from the exited women – is to tell them they are sub-human, that their truths are too terrible to know, that they should be silenced again.
Turn away and you are doing the work of the sex trade lobby.
So do something however small – do something to show you view the prostituted as fully human.